Love before it's too Late: 7 Journeys of Finding Love

By Nourhan Ismail

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Marwa Rakha's Free Publishing Services – Against Abusive Publishers

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 راسل الكاتب

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 راسل الكاتب

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يوم انتخاب الرئيس

مروة  رخا سابقا – أم آدم حاليا

فى الحجرة الذهبية وعلى الطاولة البيضاوية جلس كل من عمر سليمان، عمرو موسى، أحمد شفيق، حازم أبو اسماعيل، د. عبد المنعم أبو الفتوح، حمدين صباحى، خالد على، و بثينة كامل. جلسوا جميعا على مقاعد مرصعة بما ندر من الأحجار الكريمة  و أمام كل منهم لفافة مغلقة تركها لهم الرئيس السابق الغائب الحاضر محمد حسنى مبارك . ما بين رفيق و شقيق ارتفعت الأصوات و تعالت الضحكات – احتد النقاش و اهتزت أصابع السبابة فى تهديد و وعيد!

دفع الباب بقوة و دخل المشير طنطاوى تصحبه موسيقى جنائزية عسكرية  فهب كل من اعتاد الجلوس واقفا منتفضا منتصبا منتفخا إلا جميلة الجميلات بثينة كامل لأنها كانت على الهاتف مع منسق حملتها الانتخابية تسأله عن موعد ندوتها فى كفر زعزوع. استاء المشير من صفاقة جميلة الجميلات و طردها خارج الحجرة الذهبية. هم خالد على بالدفاع عنها فطرد هو الآخر!

بدأ المشير خطابه بالوقوف دقيقة حداد على أرواح الشهداء و افتتح كلامه بتمجيد ثورة الشعب العريق و قبل أن يتلوا على الجلوس بيانه، دخل الكتاتتنى مهرولا لاهثا و أخرج من جيبه  13 ورقة "كوتشينة" رمى بهم أمام المشير بكل فخر و اعتزاز فنظر له المشير بحنان أبوى ثم ببطئ شديد أخرج ورقة كوتشينة واحدة و رفعها عالية ليراها كل من يجلس على الطاولة ثم لملم ورقات الكوتشينة الـ 13 بابتسامة واثقة.

صفق الحضور و قام أحمد شفيق بتوزيع بونبونى فاخر على الجميع من باب الوجاهة الاجتماعية و الشياكة. بدأ المشير كلامه عن مصر و تاريخها و ثوراتها و ثرواتها ثم دعى كل مرشح لتقديم اثباتات ولائه و طاعته. تداخلت الأصوات الذكورية و تناطح المرشحين لفظا و فعلا.

"أنا الأكبر سنا"

"أنا الأصغر سنا"

"أنا الأكثر شعرا"

"أنا الأشيك"

"أنا كرشى أكبر"

"أنا ذقنى أطول"

"أنا أصلع"

"أنا أصلح"

كثر اللغط و زاد ضغط الغرفة الذهبية و ارتفعت حرارة المقاعد الفخمة و وسط تراشق الاتهامات لم يلحظ احد صوت "التكتكة" القادم من اللفافات القابعة أمام البهوات.

بوم!

-         صمت -

انفجرت اللفافات و تطاير محتواها فى الوجوه!

التصق الخراء بالشعر و الأذقن … تناثر السائل الأصفر على الملابس و تحت الأظافر … بصق الرجال فى اشمئزاز فركب  فيروس الروتا و أصدقائه الرزاز المتطاير من الأفواه فاستنشقته الأنوف النهمة … أصيب الجميع بحالة إعياء شديدة .. سكتت الأصوات إلا صوت القئ الذى لا يفرق بين شخص و آخر و صوت اندفاع الخراء من الأمعاء فى اسهال شديد و الذى لا يختلف من مرشح لآخر. تساقط المرشحون على الأرض يعانون الجفاف المجحف بعد أن فقدوا كم كبير من السوائل.

وصلت عربات  الإسعاف متأخرة كعادتها بعد أن خارت  قوى الرجال من كبيرهم إلى صغيرهم و نقلوا جميعا إلى المستشفى ليتلقوا العلاج المناسب.

خرج علينا الثائر المصرى على تويتر بسخريته المعهودة يذكرنا بوثيقة المبادئ الدستورية: "لا يجوز أن يقل وزن مرشح الرئاسة عن 150 كيلو"

تماثل الجميع للشفاء و لم ينجح أحد … تبادلوا القبلات و عمت الفرحة أرجاء المكان!

Published in Identity Magazine – May 2012

Dear Former President Mubarak, Sir!

Happy birthday! It's the 4^th of May again and I am positive you will have a blast – figuratively speaking, sir!

I have so many memories of your kind self but the one that stands out the most is an iconic frame amidst one of your last speeches when you stood tall, wiggled your index finger, and said "It's either me or chaos!"

Your prophecy came true, sir!

 You couldn't have been more accurate, Sir!

Between the fear and panic accompanying the Islamist surge, on the one hand, and the fear and the panic accompanying the military and "felool" rule, on the other hand – between those two political and social scarecrows chaos found a home, sir!

Can you imagine that Egypt now has a parliament of Islamists? They said they are aiming at 35% but they say that they are what Egyptians truly want and who Egyptians willingly voted for! Can you imagine that Egypt's revolutionary parliament's main concerns are lowering the age of marriage to 14, censoring pornographic content on the net, changing custody laws in favor of males, allowing and supporting female circumcision, allowing and supporting child abuse in the name of Islam, allowing and supporting marital rape in the name of sharee'a, and allowing and supporting sexual harassment of women? It seems to me that our Islamist parliament hates women and is only concerned with sex and sexuality, sir!

Can you imagine that Egypt has/had four Islamist presidential candidates? The Muslim Brotherhood clearly said that they have no interest in running for presidency – they threw Khairat El Shater as their official candidate and when the court refused his nomination, they immediately threw in the head of the Freedom and Justice Party, Mohamed Morsy! They lied, sir! They keep lying!

The third Islamist candidate is Hazem Abu Ismail! He is a Salafi lawyer sheikh type of guy! His posters and flyers were on every vehicle in Egypt! With a sudden twist in events, he was also ruled out as a presidential candidate! His mother had an American passport – or something of the sort – and this is a clear violation of the constitutional amendments! It was quite funny how Abu Ismail and his followers insisted that the deceased mother was not American while all paperwork from the US or Egyptian authorities proved that she indeed had a dual nationality! The reverend Sheikh lied! His reverend followers support his lies! Weird, huh?

The fourth Islamist candidate is Dr. Abdel Moneim Abul Fotouh! This one is an Islamist in denial – my favorite type! He spent most of his adult life as an active member of the Muslim Brotherhood and only last year did he leave the fraternity over some high school fight between the big boys. So now he is not officially "one of them" but you and I know very well that an Islamist is not a title on a man's business card, right? Many people say that the good doctor is fair and will treat minorities well! Am I the only one who is insulted by this thought? I was hoping for a president who would look at us – Egyptians – as citizens regardless of our gender, religion, beliefs, or affiliations! I do not want the sympathy of a president; I want my rights as a citizen! I do not want my religion, or lack of it, to be a point on some checklist in a book called constitution!

Ahmed Shafik, a former minister of yours and your last prime minister was a candidate then he pulled out of the race when Omar Soliman, your chief bodyguard and last deputy, suddenly decided to run for presidency! Isn't this farcical? Who would have thought?! Amro Moussa, another former minister of yours also wants your chair, sir! You  have created vicious power-thirsty monsters, sir! So I was telling you that Ahmed Shafik forfeited in favor of Soliman but Soliman was rejected overnight by court over a silly technicality! Moussa is still running! 

Bothaina Kamel would have made a great president, don't you agree? Unfortunately Egypt is a sexist country where men and women equally hate women! I wish people looked at what she had to say and what she has to offer instead of looking down her shirt or up her skirt! I would give her my support over and again if I had too!

 Khaled Ali is the "human rights" group candidate! He is a young lawyer who is addicted to human rights and justice! He sounds great but this is after all a popularity contest. When people vote, they give their  support to a name they know as opposed to a name that knows them – are you following, sir? Another sudden turn in events made Khaled Ali defend Hazem Abu Ismail in court! Yes! One presidential candidate defending another in the name of justice and human rights! Life is wonderful!

There are other candidates who were ruled out by the court, there are many others who never managed to collect enough authorizations, and there are those who have been implanted amongst the finalists to give the elections a more democratic look.

Personally, I am not going to vote for anyone! It is such a waste of time and effort! I think of you a lot, old man! You handed the country over to the right people – people who would make sure that nothing ever changes! Looking at the performance of our revolutionary parliament, I am now certain that the only changes that this country will go through will be in the direction of more hypocrisy, more double standards, and more superficiality.

Yesterday I heard a rumor that you died peacefully in your sleep! Happy birthday anyway!

This article was published in Identity Magazine – May 2012

Dear Marwa,

I am married to a man who is eating away my self-esteem! He tells me that compared to the women he used to know before marriage, I am unsexy and unattractive. He tells me that I turn him off, that I am fat, that my taste in clothes and furniture is bad, that my English needs improvement, that my comments lack class, and that he is there to help me change for my own good. So far I am fighting back! I am reminding myself of who I am and I surround myself with people who love me and accept me. I am also trying to find excuses for his attitude but I am always on the defensive now! I feel that I am sharing a bed and a home with the enemy. How can I block his comments from getting to me?

Woman in Danger

Dear Woman in Danger,

I am going to assume that he is a good man who truly loves you and has your best interest at heart. I am not going to think of him as a jerk or else I would advise you to leave him – as simple as that!

So this husband of yours has a communication issue; he does not express himself well! For example instead of telling you directly to "shave your arms and legs" he would beat around the bush – thinking that it is smart of him – and tell you that you are not attractive or that his ex girlfriend was very feminine. Instead of telling you that he likes blue walls, he tells you that those who do not like blue walls are not classy.

You have three options when it comes to reacting to his comments:

1)      Just ignore them! But this will only infuriate him because he would feel unheard and ignored.

2)      Get defensive! But this would make him attack you even further to try to get his point across. He would not understand that you are only defending yourself; he would think that you are telling him that you will not change what he does not like.

For example:

"My ex girlfriend, unlike you, was very sexy!" He throws this comment at you instead of telling you directly to shave your arms and legs.

"Then why did you get married to me if I am not sexy enough for you?" You say in your defense!

He thinks you are saying that you are sexy as you are and that you are not willing to please him! He thinks you are telling him that you will not shave your arms and legs!

3)      Dig deeper into his questions! For example:

"You are not as sexy as any of my ex girlfriends!" He says

"How were they sexy? You would ask in a calm voice – the voice of someone who is really trying to understand

"They took better care of themselves" He again gives you a vague, yet hurtful, response.

"Better care of their skin or hair?" You are helping him talk to get his point through

I know that it is difficult to absorb all his comments that way but by time you will both find a middle ground where you can communicate easily without hurting one another – this is why they say that the first year of a marriage is the most difficult.

This article has been published in Identity Magazine – May 2012

Dear Marwa

I have been married to this man for two months and I think about getting a divorce every single day! The moment I signed those marriage papers, I realized that I made a horrible mistake. I look at our wedding pictures and I see the obvious: he does not love me! He married me because he "decided" that I am good for him – in a medicinal kind of way! I love him but he is making it so hard for me to stay in love with him. My question is: Should I get a divorce?

Bride

Dear Bride,

You are not alone! Many men and women realize from the first day of their marital lives that they made a mistake and that they got married to the wrong person. Let's be realistic about your situation and then it is up to you to decide where you want to go from there.

 From the way you are telling your story, I take it that you had your reasons too for getting married to him – other than just love. Realistically speaking, if you got a divorce now – two months into your marriage – you would go back to whatever it was that you escaped by getting into this marriage. Over and above, you take back with you the burden of a divorced woman and the stigma divorce still carries in our society.

My first advice to you would be to make sure you do not have kids before you sort out your issues. My second advice would be to work in two parallel lines:

Line 1: Consider being married to him as a chance to improve your life; get a job, make money, save money, and prepare for the life you would like to live after your divorce.

Line 2: Throw away all your expectations and vision of how married life should be; such thoughts are only hurting you more. You deserve to be loved, pampered, and cherished but nagging him about your rights will not make him give in to you!

Egypt Never Ceases

To Make Me Smile

Yes. Egypt makes me smile! The word "Egypt" just makes me recall good memories.

Longing:

Egypt is where my people are. Egypt is just where I had spent my past twenty years! I've always wanted to experience that mystery feeling Egyptians get when they are abroad! How does it feel when they hear "Egypt", or when they see an Egyptian there?!! I know they feel nostalgic, but what else?! I want to experience missing home; missing that mysterious warmth, missing the streets; missing 6th of October Bridge and El-Mehwar road, missing their creamy crispy smooth traffic on a 4pm Wednesday!! And most important, missing the expressive Egyptian faces.

          The January 25^th Egyptian Revolution:

Egyptian people have long been known for being passive; waiting for events and incidents to take place, only so we would react. Actions were not our thing. "What can Egyptians do?! … Nothing!"  claimed the pessimists and the disappointing creatures! Egyptians did everything they could possibly and impossibly do. They risked their blood and souls. Who am I to talk about these great people? May God Rest their souls. May they rest in peace.

Enjoying the traffic:

I was with my mother on El-Mehwar road a week ago, it was sunset time. The traffic was not that smooth, so I was lucky enough to enjoy that very special scenery! I saw a bird, it was flying high high above me. It looked so free and peaceful, as if the sky belonged to only it. Eye candy, the way it held one wing in the air was breathtaking, and then how it lowers that wing to be in the same horizontal position with the other one to keep its balance was everything from eye-brow raiser, jaw opener to neck turner! Beautiful. I smiled and I got goose bumps! At that time, I had to envy owls that have the God-given ability to turn their heads in a 180° direction!

Jokes:

Egyptian people are famous for their very good sense of humor – some common gene that does not have to do with poverty or richness! It's well known that Egyptians can make up the perfect hilarious jokes at the worst times. Famous writers, artists, painters do it, and the simplest people win the cup!

Egypt's weather:

We don't stand Cairo's burning sun, the hot dry air, or the dusty wind. "If winter could last forever!" And we are not very big fans of the so cold air which make our bones ache! We are not in love with the rain and its traffic consequences; be it if you're walking, or if you're driving and you're in a rush! "If summer could last forever!" Ask me and I answer, "You can keep yourself warm on a winter night. But in summer, what do you do?! If we could spend the whole summer on a beach, then let summer take over!"

          Women from Upper Egypt:

I've always wondered and still do. How do those great women do it?! I haven't witnessed a single one of them dropping something from the many stuff she's carrying on her head, not to mention the fact that she might be carrying her kid on a shoulder, as well! How does she cross a street that is absolutely nothing but a bunch of drivers fighting over the superman title for passing first?!

She's the super one!

          What I love most about being Egyptian is being recognized. What could be greater? What could be greater than listening to an Egyptian peasant say, "I belong to this land and that soil. I've always depended on them for living. I will die on that very land!" What more inspiration do you want?!

الموضة السنة دى محزق

أم آدم (مروة رخا سابقا)

الواحد كدة بيبقى قاعد لا بيه و لا عليه  تقوم تهب رياح الحنين للزمن الجميل و حاجة تجيب حاجة و تلاقينى بكتب مقال زى دا!

إيييه دنيا!

فين أيام الزمن الجميل لما كانت الموضة فى برامج التليفزيون علاقات عاطفية؟ كان الواحد مش ملاحق على الشغل! من قناة لقناة و من برنامج لبرنامج  و الأشية كانت معدن! إشى مشاكل قراء و إشى  مداخلات مستمعات و مستمعين و إشى تصوير خارجى مع "عامة الشعب" قدام المول الكبير إياه  و حوارات و لقاءات و حكايات و رويات و حكم و مواعظ و خبرات حياتية ياما!

فين لما كانت الموضة تنمية بشرية و برمجة عصبية و قانون الجذب و العلاج بالطاقة؟ و لا أيام موضة الأبراج و التوافق حسب برجك و برج الحبيب؟ مواضيع متنوعة مبهرة! فين لما كانت الموضة فنانين و فضايح و نميمة؟ فين زمان لما برامج التوك شوز بتاعة الصبح و الضهر و بليل و أخر الليل كانت بتعج و بتشغى بضيوف يتكلموا فى الحب و الصداقة و الأخوة و شوية سياسة متدارية على شوية دين من تحت لتحت؟ فين النقاشات العميقة و المناظرات الجدلية العظيمة عن الفيسبوك و تأثيره على نسيج المجتمع المصرى؟ و لا الأفلام الوثائقية عن تأثير نموذج الحبيب التركى مهند على العلاقات الأسرية و الحياة العاطفية لكل شاب و فتاة مصرية؟

فين الأيام الجميلة لما كان المدون من دول "يسفخ" الرئيس قبل ما يبقى سابق كل تدوينة و التانية و لا حد يرد عليه؟ فين أيام مكالمات التهديد و الوعيد لما كانت بتيجى من "unknown number"؟ فين قعدة البورصة و الجريون و التكعيبة و استوريل؟ فين أيام تويتر الهادى الجميل و الفيسبوك اللى كله خناقات شخصية و خلافات أسرية؟ أيام الهيافة المبهجة! كانت أيام مسلية كلها مرح! يناكفوا النشطاء و النشطاء يناكفوهم و كل كام شهر يضربولهم واحد و لا اتنين و خلاص!

اتبدلت أحوالنا من حال لحال!

الموضة بقت برامج دينية بترد على المشاكل العاطفية! و الخبراء الاستراتيجيون ملوا البلد و غرقوا القنوات و سيطروا على كل الحوارات! لوك لوك فى كل حاجة! صداع صداع! الموضة فزاعة تخوف الناس و تحسسنا ان نهاية الحضارة وشيكة لا محال! الموضة خناق و زعيق على نعمل إيه فى الفلوس اللى اتسرقت و اتهربت! الموضة نعم و لا! الموضة اخوان و برلمان! الموضة سياسة! الموضة نخبة! الموضة مصطلحات! الموضة قانون! الموضة عسكر و حرامية و قضاة و متهمين! الموضة أحزاب و انتخابات و مرشحين!

سوسن و سعاد فى نفس واحد: "الموضة السنة دى محزق"

ضحك و كركعة رقيعة … و عمت الفرحة أرجاء المكان!

THIS ARTICLE WAS PUBLISHED IN IDENTITY MAGAZINE – APRIL 2012

Is it a Middle Age Crisis?

Dear Marwa,

I have been married for more than 12 years and despite the fact that there where some common casual arguments along the way, I have no reason not to call it a very happy marriage: we are both fit and healthy, love, respect sustains each other, do all the things together. We also have two great kids, have great careers, are appreciated in our well-paid jobs, have our nice residential home and a few investments. Sexually there is still lot of hot bed activity when the night comes and we both enjoy each other very much. So where is the problem? Simply it is ME! To make you better understand the situations I will confess that I have been a very faithful husband for years, but currently I just cant stop cheating on my wife! The “eating the same meat every single dinner” feeling started pressuring me to try to do things I should not. It first started when I threw a few “hellos” to a few women on some popular instant messaging Internet facilities just to have a bit of fun and 
check my egos seductiveness. From the big number of “hellos” coming back, I only selected the married women in a short distance to my place and believe me or not in less than one months of looking, there were a few. With a couple of them I went even further, having even phone conversations and to me this is already cheating. Things moved further and I started having physical relations. All the women know I am married and they understood and accepted that all we want is a bit of bed fun on the side. However, There are two opposite feelings fighting in me. One is that these adventurous affairs will bring me back on the right track to say thanks for what I have. And On the other hand only considering the risks of getting caught and creating a soul disaster to my 
wife is driving me crazy. Please advice!

Dear Middle-Aged Man,

All human beings have this so called "middle-age crisis" but it manifests itself differently from one person to the other. Also the "middle-age" term does not really have to be taken literally; some go through this crisis as they approach their forties while others get hit in their fifties or even in their sixties. People get hit differently as well – and when I say "people", I mean men and women equally!

I have seen veiled women take off their veil as they approached forty, others had plastic surgery as they hit menopause, and many had affairs – full fledged affairs. With men, mid-life crisis could be as simple as dying the hair and could get as drastic as walking out on their families and getting married to someone who was younger than their youngest kid.

Mid-life crisis is a form of insecurity and it manifests itself in one's worst fears; the fear of not being beautiful/handsome, the fear of not being appealing to the other gender, the fear of being infertile, the fear of being lonely, or even the fear of dying. We are all human and this crisis is a natural part of our existence. Dear man, do not be afraid of being human!

Your "adventures" are a reflection of your insecurity! You fear losing your hunting skills, you fear being taken for granted, you fear growing old and ancient – and it is only natural! If you want to put an end to your mid-life crisis you have to acknowledge the fact that you have changed and that your life has changed as well. You have to accept your current role in life – husband and father! You are no longer the sought after bachelor! You will never be on the market again! Actually accepting this role is not enough; you have to like it and find ways to enjoy it.

If you want to get over your current addiction to flings and casual relationships you have to accept that you are a husband; a husband is not just a bread-winner or a male capable of mating and reproducing, you are a man committed to one woman and looking forward to growing old with that same woman. You also have to embrace fatherhood and the sacrifices it entails; the first sacrifice of which is placing your kids first and their emotional well-being foremost. You need to come to terms with the fact that you are no longer a free man – you have a family and anything you do will impact them either positively or negatively.

Find ways to enjoy the "history" between you and your wife. Find ways to bond with your children and to become a real part of their lives. Fill your time with activities that enrich your life and highlight the blessings that you have. Do not resent the wrinkles, the white hairs, the changes in your sexual performance, and the commitments you have made. The only way out of your mid-life crisis is to honor your current responsibilities and enjoying them.