Almost every divorced woman’s problem in Egypt (please answer her for I have no reply)
Date posted: June 2, 2010
DEAR READERS … PLEASE READ THIS PROBLEM AND GIVE THIS WOMAN THE BEST ADVICE YOU CAN.
I don't know if you can have a solution for this, I guess I just need to be heard.
I just got a divorce and I live alone with my kids. Suddenly all the burdens became heavier on my shoulders and the bad news is: It's not getting any better, it will only get harder on me.
I don't regret getting my divorce, I've been abused, beaten, raped, insulted, treated like a servant in my own home and always being told that I was nothing but shit and that I needed to improve and to impress him and his family, I do NOT regret walking out of his luxurious castle.
I am my own queen, in this little old apartment, but I thought I would be free, but I was wrong!
My ex husband now is a free man, he got a woman from Russia which he had met on a dating site. He took her to spend a week with him, alone, in his house where she's always wearing her bathing suit, cuddling and flirting. His personal life is up to him but I do my best to protect my kids from being exposed to things happening over there. Not because I am against cohabitation, this is not the issue. The thing is that I know that this is not what he would allow them to ever do, thus, they should never see him doing it, not even for 1week. Am I even right to think that way? It's simple, you teach your kids through your actions, so act in the way in which you want them to act so they'd learn from you, if you can't be who you want them to be, then don't bother telling them that it's wrong, forbidden or against our traditions.
On the other hand, my ex husband would ruin my life if I moved in with a man who was not my husband. I would be called a bitch, I will lose my kids for having a nasty reputation and for doing what's forbidden and against traditions.
Also, he will take my kids away if I remarried, because the law gives him the right to protect them from a stranger, a stepfather in the house, as if his new girlfriend or wife is not a stranger. No she's not a stranger, not a threat even though she's Russian, not his same religion, and naked 24/7 a day.
The law won't judge him because he's a man, he's single and he can't be wrong. That's what the law says! He can marry a non Muslim woman but I can't marry a non Muslim man, he can sleep with her without being married but I can't even marry someone because I'll lose my kids.
So I am supposed to live alone, and do nothing for myself if I wanted to keep the kids.
Or, I can remain unmarried till they grow up and get married by the time when I'll be minimum 40 years old.
So thanks to the law, if I wish to have a relation and feel like a woman since I am only 28 years old, I can only have a boyfriend, sneak to sleep with him in the weekends and whenever I get the chance.
But I can't marry him because by law, my ex will take my kids away.
And I can never move in with him because by law I will be a bad mother with a bad reputation.
But my ex can do whatever he wants, and get whatever he seeks. Only I can't, because I'm a woman, and not just any woman, an Egyptian one.
Not to disregard the fact that whoever I will be in a relationship with, will never understand why I can't marry him but can only be his fuck body, to have what I believe is rightfully mine: my kids, and a man in my life whom I can love, trust, be happy with, fight with and just be with him!!
The only crazy option to feel normal is to kidnap my own kids, move out of the country and to live, far away from the unfairness of the law, and from the contradictions of a RELIGIOUS father sleeping with a GF till they marry each other, and if it doesn't work, he'll bring another one from the same date site…
I don't care what their dad does his relations are not my business, but I just can't live with this unfairness and yes, for the first time in my life I am crazy jealous from someone for getting everything they want, while I was the one who got damaged for 10 years in a marriage, got physically and emotionally abused.
How can I feel sane again?
Do I even have a chance in starting over in this country with all these laws?
Am I being a bad person now for wanting to be free and happy, or am I too greedy for wanting both, my children and a man to be with?
Maybe you can't change the law, or men, or how people feel, but can you show me a bright side that I failed to find as I've been looking at my life and trying to figure out what the hell is going on? I feel lost, angry, insecure and lonely.
Tell me anything, any comment on this case?
I kept postponing your message … and postponing it … until there were no more messages in my inbox
I do not have an answer
Actually YOU are my worst nightmare
Part of my commitment phobia is your story … I do not want to be in your shoes … because I do not know what I would do if I had to face that scenario.
I can publish your story and ask people who have experienced something similar to respond …. but you have to give me the green light.