You are your mother’s mother

Date posted: May 2, 2010



Dear Marwa,

I'm a 21 year-old-girl living in Cairo.

My problem is that I can't find my place at home.

To explain further, I lived quite sheltered life since I was a little girl.

I'm an only child so I only had my parents but from young age I was independent. I enjoy doing things on my own, I'm the kind of girl who can sit at a café enjoying espresso with a book and couldn't care less about being alone.

Now my dad is open-minded to some extent but same as me but my mum is so not that. She's always judging me. Telling me that I shouldn't wear this or that because it's not appropriate and what would people say?!

For your information, I'm so conservative when it comes to clothes but still she always finds something to argue about. It goes beyond what to wear to how I should live my life.

I always feel like a huge disappointment to her since all she wants is to see me married like all girls in wherever and she doesn't understand that all I want in my life for now is to get a job and jump start a career and to even be not just independent but financially independent as well so that I could achieve my goals which don't include any guy or starting a family for the near future(I think I'm too selfish for that and don't want the responsibility and not ready for it, I'm only 21).

She makes me feel guilty all the time because she worries too much and she then makes me feel bad. I love her so much but she can't accept the fact that I'm not the same girl in pigtails anymore. I don't know what to do and I want to make it right with her.

I tried to convince her to go out with me sometime to one of the recitals I go to at the opera since I already go alone and she sit at home worried about me but it didn't work. She doesn't like going out and I tried to go and even watch TV with her (and we have opposite taste, she's into Arabic shows/movies/series and I'm into English ones) but I do it for her but then she starts talking to me about who married who and stories I couldn't care about but I keep on nodding and try to focus but I end up losing interest and going back to my room and books. So, all in all I've reached a point where we only meet on meals and we argue over everything.

Sorry for being too talkative but I wanted to give you the full picture. I hope you can help me analyze all this and may be find some middle ground here. Thanks.


This is the time when you become HER MOTHER
Imagine that you are the mother and that she is your daughter
Imagine that your daughter does not like who you are and how you behave
Imagine that your daughter does not like the things you do or the shows you watch
Imagine that you and your daughter are miles and miles apart – character wise
What will you do as a mother?
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