My husband is addicted to porn movies!

Date posted: March 24, 2010


My husband is addicted to porn movies!

Marwa, my marriage is falling apart! I am married to a great man; a perfect father and a responsible husband. Since the beginning of our marriage, I noticed that my husband has a hidden stack of DVDs in a secret drawer in the living room. It does not take a genius to figure it out: porn movies! I did not make a big deal out of it. I said to myself that all boys have their little toys. A few months passed into our marriage and I realized that he spends a lot of time in the company of his DVDs.

I asked a friend and she said that I need to reinvent myself in bed because my husband is getting bored. I bought sexy lingerie and tried to spice up our sex life. He appreciated my efforts but he still spent a lot of time in that damn room. I got pregnant and gave birth to a baby girl. He was very supportive and helpful but he seemed to have lost interest in me as a wife. He spends all night now watching porn and I finally confronted him. I threatened to leave the house. I told him that his addiction is humiliating and that I feel insulted by his attitude.

He took my rage very quietly and told me that he cannot give up his DVDs. He assured me that he loved me but he needs his space. He had the guts to invite me to watch a movie with him. I did! I felt so disgusted! The things I saw were abnormal! I pushed him away, packed, and left. I could not tell my parents or his. Where did I go wrong?

Maha

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Dear Maha

Would you believe me if I told you that I receive this problem at least once a week? Would you believe me if I told you that many women share your misery? Would you believe me if I told you that most men watch porn with various frequencies?

You have three options when it comes to dealing with this issue:
1) Get a divorce! Lose the great husband and father that he is.
2) Let him watch in peace and ignore that one flaw of his.
3) Play along!

If looking at him makes your stomach turn, if you no longer respect him, if you no longer see a future with him, if you feel that you do not want him to touch you, and if you feel that you cannot overlook his addiction then get a divorce.

If you still love him and if you understand that no one is perfect then go home and do not bring up this issue again. There is one risk though, with many men the addiction does not limit itself to DVDs; most of the time things develop into internet adult sites, chatting, and internet relations.

The last option involves change; if you do the same things the same way you get the same results! You need a new, different, fresh, and more daring outlook on sex. It has nothing to do with lingerie; it is more about your attitude, your body language, and your openness to new experiences. Give it a try. Watch the movies with him with a different pair of eyes; instead of looking for a reason to hate him, look for ways to having a mutually fulfilling love life.

Do not look at the women in the movies as competitors, think of them as tutors. Do not think of the acts as dirty, think of them as a different way of expressing love. Put in mind that there is no such thing as normal or abnormal when it comes to sex; it is a way of self expression.

Your husband is not attracted to their bodies or their actions; your husband is fascinated by how uninhibited they are and how their raw nature does not scare them. If you chose the last option, then ask for his help. Ask him to help you bring out that side of you. Consider it dating all over again. There is nothing more fun than exploring your significant other and reinventing your love for them.

The three options are hard but whatever you do, do not try to change him or you will end up alienating him from you beyond reconciliation.

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