Mothers can make mistakes …. big mistakes

Date posted: February 1, 2010


Hi Marwa,

Hope this email finds you well.
I’ve been reading your articles, and am reading your book now and I was admire the way you answer people’s questions, and I very much respect your way of thinking.
I’ll try to be short, I’m from a “somehow” financially stable family, we’ve been living in one of the countries in the Gulf area as my mom and dad worked there, anyway we came to egypt in the 90s with only my mom and my dad stayed there to support the family as he works there.
I was maybe 9 or 10 years old, I used to sleep with my mom in the same room and bed while my dad was away, and my brothers slept in the next room, they were mostly out anyways.
I used to go with my mom to the office when i didnt have school, there was this man that started to appear in her life, she introduced him to me as an old friend, but he started coming to the office everyday ta2reban provided she worked in  that office alone so it was mostly her and me there, I hated that guy to the core, I couldnt stand the thought of him even talking to my mom.
All I have of this period is this sort of flash backs that I get when I think about it, mostly him talking to my mom and me hating that, them talking on the phone late at night, I used to beg her to hang up and play with me or even tell me a story to sleep, anyway one night I was in the other room and she was on the phone with him, ah I forgot to tell u i used to hear his voice through the phone as I lie beside her and when I asked who are u talking to she would say any girl friend’s name :s
so that night I heard her “now i know the meaning of what she’s doing” she was moaning on the phone as if she’s having (phone u know what) at the time I didn’t understand and I ran to her room worried she’s hurt or something I kept asking what’s wrong, she said all is fine I was just talking to Tant folana and she was telling me a bad story I just felt bad for her.

I am 24 now and I keep thinking about every single flashback I had and am sure they all are true ya Marwa ana msh magnoona, even that what kind of sick imagination for a child would make up the moaning this m3 en ana at that time I didnt even know what that was!!
I need your help coz I dunno if am crazy or what? also I feel I have this hate for her that I kept shutting off all those years on top of that I feel betrayed ya Marwa, I duno y I feel like she had betrayed me by having this relationship

am i sick and twisted wala maaly? and how am i supposed to feel about her!
ana asfa tawelt,
thnx in advance

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Hey hun
Nothing I could say will make this pain and sense of betrayal go away
I do not think you made it up
I do not think you imagined it
I believe you
I will just ask you to find excuses for her … to forgive her … to try to put yourself in her shoes … to try imagine how vulnerable she was … to try to let go of the past because holding on to this story will just hurt you.
Fate works in very weird ways … you remember in my book the letter to my mom … I do not want you to go through that …. I lived all my childhood, my teens, and a big chunk of my adulthood blaming her for anything and everything … until fate put me in her shoes .. literally .. and I did exactly what she did! I understood the hard way that judging people is easy but it is so wrong.
No matter how much you think you know about her life … you really never know the whole truth … behind closed doors and behind spoken words there is a lot that gets lost in translation.
Put it all behind you and learn for her mistakes .. and pray that you are never put in her shoes.
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