Sexually Harassed at Home!

Date posted: July 19, 2010


Sexually Harassed at Home!

Wait! Do not turn the page! Do not say it will never happen to my daughter!

I had to delete many parts of the story to secure the anonymity of the sender; nonetheless, the story remains horrifying!

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Hi Marwa,

How are you doing? I am glad that I finally found a grown up to talk to. I have always wanted to go to a psychiatrist but my parents scolded me. They told me that I need to pray more often!

We are a huge family of 10 and to an outsider we seem like the perfect close coherent family but that is so far from the truth. We are all religious but again that is not very true. I am 19 and my misery started when I was 10. I was young and my mother did not believe in sexual education. I got my period and no one bothered telling me what was happening to my body. My older brother was 16 at the time and he used to come into my bed and touch me while I was sleeping. By the time I turned 15 I began to understand what was going on and I asked him to stop. I threatened to tell my parents.

He laughed and told me that he had videos of me begging him to play with my body. I believed him because he was a computer whizz. I kept silent. I knew that my parents would not believe me anyway and that there was nothing they could do. He wouldn’t leave me alone, from touching me he started touching me while sleeping and getting me naked. I used to stay still hoping he might go away but he did not.

When I was 17 I began to lock any door behind me with a double lock still he would find a way to pop the lock open. It was so disgusting and sick! Sometimes when I resisted him, he would get his laptop and make me watch porn movies forcefully till I got bored and gave in to him. I just wanted him to leave.

He turned me into a slut. I hated myself but wanted this so I spoke to American guys online and lately I spoke to Egyptian men – it was always sex chat and nothing more. In the last few months, I began exchanging phone numbers with strangers and we had phone sex. I got in trouble many times because of stalkers and psychos but I do not know how to stop. I try and try and at the end I dial one of the numbers.

Today I promised myself that I won’t speak to a guy, yet I still masturbate and once I am done I get so mad at myself and I feel disgusted. With the guys on the phone, once I have had my pleasure, I would hang up and the next day I would call and say sorry because the line was disconnected or someone from my family came in.

I just need the pleasure and this is all because of my stupid brother. He is engaged now and he still comes suddenly to my room and touches me when everyone is out. I found out that my older sister is sexually harassed by our older brother. I have no one to go to!

If I told my parents they will die!  My sister now hates guys. As for me, I am always scared and the slightest sound in the room wakes me up. I am always in need to touch myself or wish for someone to touch me – ANYONE but not my brother.

I have been carrying this burden for about nine years. Please tell me what to do. I am desperate. I feel dirty so dirty.

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Dear sexually harassed,

I read your story and I am beyond infuriated! I am not angry at you sweetheart! I am angry at your parents for not noticing. I am angry at them for not educating you and your brothers and sisters on the limits between brothers and sisters. I am angry at your mom for not properly sexually educating you. I am angry at your father for not teaching you the difference between a brotherly touch and a dirty one. I am angry at your parents for refusing to let you see a psychiatrist. I am angry at your brothers who are a complete disgrace.

 

You are a victim BUT you do not have to remain one!

 

It is no use talking to your brothers or sisters. It is no use talking to your parents. You have to take things into your own hands.

 

My advice is quite simple: Next time your brother approaches you that way hit him! Yes! Hit him the way you would hit a burglar who broke into your home … hit him the way you would push a rabid dog away from you … hit him and he will run.

 

He will not have the guts to hit you back or else he will cause a scandal and he will not have the guts to do it again and if he comes back after you, hit him again. Hit him with a racket or a stick, use pins and needles, hit him with a broom, and hit him hard!

 

You are strong from within to put up with all of this abuse for all of those years and you can do it; you can hit him hard for all the pain he has caused you. Lock your room from within and if he sneaks his way in like a thief hit him again and again until he stays the hell away from you!

 

He is depending on one thing to hurt you like that: Fear! He is depending on the fact that he scares you. If you break free from that fear, this sad story will end.

 

As for the phone sex … it is only natural! Your brother's actions caused you to lose your self-respect and self-esteem. Deep down you see yourself as a slut and this is why you deal with yourself as one and you allow strangers to do the same. Unfortunately, I am not trained in any way or form to help you get your self-esteem back. All I know is that that day you respect yourself is the day you will force people to respect you. I do not know how to remove the years of abuse but I know that you have to move on and that you have to take charge of your life. The urges you have for phone sex or masturbation are not really an expression of your sexual desires; on the contrary, they are outcries for love. You need love and affection and this is the only way you know how to get it. It is all in your hands now and I am here if you need to write to me again.

 

Note to parents:

 

Please listen to your kids and do not accuse them of lying – most of the time they are telling the truth or their version of the truth.

 

Please do not deny them the right to psychiatric help – save them before it is too late.

 

Please educate your boys and your girls about their bodies and their sexuality – they need to make peace with their hormones before their hormones take over their lives.

 

Please educate them on the fine lines between right and wrong when dealing with their brothers, sisters, and friends.

 

Please keep the boys and the girls in separate rooms and teach each one of them to take off their clothes behind closed doors.

 

Please be there for them. Listen, observe, and do not judge

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