Another Egyptian Husband! Another Foreign Woman!

Date posted: September 26, 2010


Dear Marwa,

i am a muslim british lady of Pakistani origin. i just came across your page as i was checking the website for egyptian culture to try to get an understanding why my husband has just decided to pack up and leave me.

i met my husband online and we have been talking online for almost three years and we fell in love. i was going through a bad break up due to my husband's drinking. i was very vonurable and lived in the uk. he was alot younger then me and told me he loved me in to 5 months of our conversation. he was very intelligent and made me laugh. he was very possesive and because my last husband was the opposite i took it as if he really cared for me.

he promised to stick with me for life and we met in Dec 2007 when i came over to Egypt for a holiday and he met my 2 children and he stuck to us like glue and we spent the evenings talking. Everything seemed ok and as time passed he kept asking to marry me and eventually i agreed even thought my family disaproved and i thought, in time they will get around to the idea.

his mum was not happy but he was determined to marry me and i left my children with my mum and came and married him.

we had to get through lots of paperwork due to his army situation and after being apart for almost 10 months he came over to the UK.

Everything seemed ok and i had a full time job as well as studying, i came home tired and took over all the responsiblity of the house. i tried so hard to please him. the problem started when my youngest daughter and him had an argument and he would not let go.

since that day he was allways competeing with the kids as if he was a kid. i tried soo hard to get him to listne and i didnt know who was the kid him or them.at least i could tell them off but he would not lisntne for my pleas.This happened durring Ramadhan, he constantly critised my kids, us as a family and constantly told me off as being a bad mother because i did not hit my children and force them to do my bidding.

i explained that this is not our colture, we dont hit kids we try to explain to them so that they can learn form their mistakes. he said this was not a muslim house etc. Just 2 days before Eid, my young daughter was standing by the fridge and he did not ask her to move but kept hitting her with the door and then he went in to a tantrum when i told him that he should have asked her to move before he did that as he had hurt her ribs and she was crying. my older son found out what he did and they got in to an argument. he took this as an insult and said he has never been treated soo badly as this in his life even though he was spending most of the time watching tv or sleeping and refused to speak to me durring ramadhan claiming he was trying to reserve his energy.

he then told me he was leaving for Egypt asp and called his mother to arrange money for him which she couldnt. he did not even try hard enough to mix in with my children and wanted me to allways be by his side even though i had other people in the house to take care off. i pleaded for him to stay so we can work this out but he caused such a stress full situation that i paid for his ticket.he would not let me sleep at night and kept waking me up in the middle of the night to tell m e that i didnt care for him and how he missed his country ect. i tried soo hard to support him.

i took him out every where and paid for him out of my own pocket even though i did not have much money and had a family to support. when he got to Egypt he did not even inform me of his arrival and i called and text him for 5 days and no response. on the 6th he replied and i called him and he was soo angry and talked soo much insults to me and even then i begged him to come home because i loved him but he said he needed time and has found a job.

he blamed everything on me and did not even take a little bit of responsibilty of his own actions. i have never come across this type of behaviour before not even heard of it in our own community that i am shocked and ashamed that my family told me and now they want to know where he is as they are still waiting to see as to congratulate us. i feel totally lost and heart broken. i dont know how to handle this situation as he is not from my colture and no matter what i say he twists it around and make it look bad.

some advice would be helpful. i cant stop crying and the thought of going through another divorce terrifies me. my kids blame me for marrying a controlling man and he blames me for not having controlled them,even if that involves beating them till they do as they are told.

_____________________________

Hello there

 
You will not like my answer but I am going to say it anyway!
 
It is all your fault! Yes! As human beings, we face choices and options everyday and we use our common sense to try to make the best decisions for ourselves.
 
Unfortunately, you made so many mistakes and until the moment you sent me that email, you could not see where you went wrong.
 
Before I point out your mistakes, let me tell you that I agree with you … your husband is a piece of shit … a mediocre irresponsible juvenile piece of shit!
 
As for you, let me tell you where you went wrong
 
1) You should have read about the Egyptian culture, Egyptian men, and the Egyptian social stratification model before you got married not afterwards
 
2) Online? Online and long distance? Online and long distance and different cultures? Online and long distance and different cultures and an age gap? Online and long distance and different cultures and an age gap and a financial gap? – what were you expecting? this is the ideal recipe for disaster!
 
In his eyes, you were a vulnerable – almost desperate – older woman who is eager for attention. You were also his way out of Egypt! His way out of poverty!
 
3) He is an unemployed career-less spoilt brat himself – what were you thinking bringing him into your life? There was no compatibility whatsoever between the two of you!
 
4) He said he loved you after 5 months online – why did you believe him? Didn't you know that it takes much more than chatting online to actually fall in love?
 
5) You came over to visit him in Egypt … why didn't he do the same? Then you came back and married him … you got married to a man you barely knew! A man you knew online and got to know in real life on a vacation!
 
6) How could you drag and drop "a stranger" into the life of your kids? Just like that! He has never had kids, he has never had any sort of responsibility towards anything, he was living with his mother when you met him, he has never left Egypt, he knows nothing about your culture, and nothing about your kids and how you deal with them! What if he abused them? What he if was some sort of pervert?
 
7) You paid for everything in Egypt, you paid for everything in the UK, and then you complain that you brought a third kid into your life!! Are you kidding me?
 
8) He did not bother get a job or an education or a life in the UK, and then you complain that he was just sitting there all day making your kids miserable and whining about your lack of attention!! Please!
 
This is a man who did nothing but use you, abuse your kids and infuriate them, and you are still wondering why he left and where you went wrong!
 
I think I am done!
 
Please get your life back and flush away this piece of shit … and stop crying! it could have been much worse!
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