Ask Marwa: Do you think that men marry women just for the sex?
Date posted: December 8, 2010
I am a 17 years old girl and I am not going to talk to you about my horrible relationship with my cousin which didn't last a year. I broke up with him because he was using me and did not truly love me. He just loved my body and all he wanted to do was to touch me and go. All he talked about was sex. I met several guys afterwards and again, all they wanted to talk about was sex!
I cannot talk to my mom about this but do you think that men marry women just for the sex? It is just disgusting! My question to you Marwa is: when a woman chooses her lifetime partner in this Middle Eastern culture, how could she guarantee that this man she is about to get married to is not just using her for the pleasure? My parents also fight all the time and it hurts me, how do guarantee a happy marriage which is not based on sex?
First of all … I want you realize that sex is one thing and love-making is another. When a man and a woman fall in love and truly trust and respect one another, their physical interaction only makes their love stronger.
When a man and a woman make love, both of them are having pleasure! No one is using the other! So when you are married and your husband desires you, it is a good thing and you should desire him just as much.
BUT if you feel used, it means that they guy is not sincere, that you are blackmailed into doing something you do not want to do, and that the actions are not aligned with your beliefs and convictions.
If all the men who approach you are only after sex (in any form) then you are doing something wrong and you need to double check your projected image. Ask yourself why do they always see the flesh and no one wants to talk to the brains or appreciate the soul?
Maybe you are meeting men in the wrong places … places where they would be naturally looking for physical relations. Maybe you are not clear from the beginning about your expectations; for example, if a man wants to fool around and you clearly stated that you wanted a serious committee relationship, he will go away on his own. If it is only your cousin, then he is one bad guy and there is no need to generalize.
As for attracting the right man … I guess you need to write down exactly what you want in a man, then have a look at this man from above and ask yourself: if this man existed, what would he need in a woman? If it is you, then this is the image you have to project and hopefully you will attract him to you once he sees that you've got what he is looking for.
Your cousin and many guys are just horny toads and I am glad you were strong enough to put an end to this.
As for your question, a guy who is looking for a partner not a sex mate in the name of marriage will
1) Be interested in getting to know you as a person
2) Share your dreams
3) Talk to you as a friend and a human being not as a female (only)
4) Discuss his life, work, career, future with you
5) Recognize and appreciate your input and mere presence in his life.
You will just know the difference from the way he looks at you and how he talks to you.