Ask Marwa: Is he with me just for the sex?

Date posted: January 10, 2013



Published in Identity magazine – January 2013


Dear Marwa,

I have been seeing this guy for over a year now, and I’m pretty much in love with him. I just have one problem with him. I worry that he only wants to be with me for sex. I mean whenever we’re together, he always finds a way or a place for us to fool around. But then again, I keep reminding myself that we’ve been together for a year or more, so why would he stay with someone that long if he has no feelings for them?

Does he just enjoy us being intimate? Is he just a person who loves sex? Or is he taking me for granted and that’s the only reason he’s with me? Please tell me what to do.




Dear Maya

Women are very intuitive creatures! We were blessed with a sixth sense when it comes to dealing with our men, children, and friends. If deep down in your heart you have such a daunting thought then this thought is there for a reason! His vibes, his  looks, the tone of his voice, his touch, or something else about his body language  must  have led you to believe that he is just enjoying being with Miss Wrong until Mrs. Rights comes along!

Aside from intuition, there are other cues:

1)      Does he share the details of his day, work, family friends, and trivial incidents with you?

2)      Does he talk about the future? Are you included in that future?

3)       Does he talk about his siblings and their lives?

4)      Do you hang out with his friends just as much as you hang out with your friends?

5)      When he is down, what does he do? Talk to you or vanish then reappear?

6)      During that year have you been steady or did your relationship suffer intervals of absence?

7)      Do you talk about things that involve the two of you together? Where to live? Kids or no kids?

8)      Awkward silence? Do you have a lot of that?

9)      Do you share anything else other than sex and making out?

10)   How does he refer to you? Maya, a friend, my friend, my girlfriend, my fiancée, my future wife, the love of my life, etc?

Basically, if he does not get you involved in his day to day life, and does not get involved in yours then this is bad news! If he does not talk about his dreams and future plans or if he uses "I" instead of "we" then chances are you are not part of that future. If you know very little or nothing about his sisters and brothers, then you are not really in his trust circle! Most guys would talk about their mothers or fathers much easier than about their siblings! If it is just you and him most of the time, then be worried! If it is just you and his friends, then be very worried! If it is just your friends, then you really are in trouble! If he drops off the face of the universe when he is going through a rough time, then you are not the one for him! If your one year relationship is actually a year minus a few weeks or months here and there, then you are not on solid grounds with him yet! Discussing serious issues that affect the two of you reflects the seriousness of the relationship; you are the judge of that! If you have those sweet silent moments, that's fine! But if you have intervals of actively searching for something to say, then you are very uncomfortable and insecure in this relationship! If you have no common interests other than exploring one another's body and if he refers to you as a casual impersonal person who happens to be present by his side, then your intuition is spot on!



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