This article was published in Identity Magazine in November 2013
Dear Marwa,
I've been happily married to this man who I really love for 3 years now and we have a 1 year old daughter. There's this one thing that we never stop fighting about; my husband is a big spender. Whatever he likes, he buys it without thinking. I can't say we are rich, we are an average family who makes enough money for the three of us. I get that my husband believes that life is too short to not enjoy everything about it, but that doesn't mean we have to be reckless. He never puts in consideration that one day we might actually need the money for our daughter's education or something. What if we decided to quit our jobs? Or even worse, get fired? What if one of us got sick and need an expensive operation? Shouldn't we start saving money from now? Please Marwa I need your help.. How can I convince him that we should start being more careful in what we spend?
Karma.
Dear Karma
Your husband is one of the very few human beings who are still capable of feeling happy and still appreciate the gift of life. Most people nowadays are either numb or depressed. One way or the other most emails that I get talk about people who are angry, negative, aggressive, or simply frustrated. Your husband is a happy person and this is a great thing!
There is also another great thing about your husband; he has faith! He has an inner sense of security; he knows that everything is alright and that everything will always be alright! This inner sense of security is the reason behind his happiness as a human being. If you look around you today, you will find people who are always worried about what the future might bring.
If you compare your husband to those people, you will realize that those who are fearful of tomorrow never managed to stop a disaster before it happened; they were only successful at missing out on the pleasures of the moment. You are very lucky to have an optimistic man in your life!
I also agree with you that saving some money aside is an important thing; it is just not important enough to fight over all the time! Stop fighting him over saving money and take charge of this issue yourself. Let him enjoy spending money on his family and save a part of your own salary for those days you dread the most. You might ask him to give you a little sum every month and you make sure to put it in the saving account. Do not treat him like an irresponsible teenager who does not value money because right now he sees you as a grumpy woman who is unwilling to be happy.
As long as the money is spent on the three of you having fun together, then it is money well spent; he is doing his best to make his family happy and this is a good place to spend money. If you lose your job, you will find another, if you decide to quit working, think of a backup plan then, and if someone falls ill, you are both insured and will manage to cover your expenses. Whether you set aside a part of your salary or take a part of his salary to the bank, whatever compromise you reach, please stop bothering him about his spending habits.
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