Ask Marwa: I can’t stop thinking about my fling guy

Published in Identity Magazine – June 2014

Dear Marwa,

I am in a relationship of 5 years now. We had our ups and downs and our “breaks” throughout the years of course. About a year ago, we had a big fight and decided to take a break. I traveled for a while and started a fling with another guy. It was the best month of my life. I felt alive! My fling asked me to be with him but I couldn’t since I was still in love with my partner. My partner and I got back together and it seemed the right thing to do. However, now I can’t stop thinking of my fling and how it made me feel! I started resenting my relationship and longing for passion. I am torn between picking companionship or passionate love…

Miss Fling

Dear Miss Fling

How do you see your life in the coming 10 years? Do you see yourself in a house with a man you know and feel comfortable with and around? Do you see yourself pregnant? Do you see yourself happily "serving" your kids? Do you see yourself aging gracefully? Or do you see yourself forever young, youthful, pretty, sexy, and free? Do you see yourself reaping the fruits of passion from one lover to the other? How do you want to live your life? The answer to this one question will determine the route you take.

Five years in a relationship is a long time and it certainly gets boring! Too much is taken for granted and everything has settled into your comfort zone. The fling is certainly refreshing! We are human and we all long for those butterflies in the stomach and the weakness in the knees … we love hunting and enjoy being hunted down but very few of us could live like that forever! Most of us would get consumed by the intensity of relationships and the heartache that comes with love and breakups. Most of us – at a certain point in our lives – would just want peace!

Let's assume that you walk away from your current relationship and that you would hook up with your fling guy. What next? After 5 years, the fling guy would no longer be as passionate and as exciting! He would be another steady stable comfortable relationship. What would you do then? Or would you make sure you have a fresh supply of flings throughout your life?

There is no right and wrong answer to all the questions I am asking because away from social norms and religious boundaries you are truly free to live the life you want and to pursue the fantasies that suit you the most. Do not let social pressures inhibit you while making up your mind. You might lose a steady stable relationship which is the ultimate dream of many women but then again you might win the woman you deserve to be.