Ask Marwa: My Husband hits me because I am Desperate!

Date posted: February 16, 2015


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Published in Identity Magazine – February 2015

Dear Marwa,

I'm a married woman with a young daughter. My husband is an extremely harsh man who never fails to find excuses to hit me or hurt me. When we were engaged I used to think that he will change after marriage, he never really hit me or abuse me when we were still engaged but I compromised because i was desperate to get married to fit in our society and to get rid of my parents' constant pressure. Anyway, I had the courage once to leave him, I took my daughter and stayed at my parents house only to find out that I was financially dependent on him and I won't be able to raise up my daughter on my own because he refused to pay her living costs!! So, unfortunately I got back to him and I regret it every day with all my heart and I'm refusing him physically and emotionally. I can't remain that way and I can't split up with him. What should I do?

Dear Abused

You are not alone! There are so many women in almost every country you could think of who shares your woes! Some men are abusive! This is a fact! This is not the time or place to discuss why they grew up to be violent or how they should be punished or where they could find therapy! Your husband will never change! He will hit you whenever he feels like hitting you! You are his wife, you belong to him, you live under his roof, and you live by his rules! He might also hit your daughter! He will certainly hit you in front of your daughter! This is all very bad news but the worst piece of news I have to share with you is that your daughter will grow up to be just like you and will get married to a man just like him – this is a pattern that is almost unbreakable!

You got married because of societal pressures, you chose this man because of familial pressures, and now you are still in this marriage because of financial pressures! How can you protect your daughter from all that pressure? How can you make sure she never walks the famous mile in your shoes? How can you nurture her into becoming a strong independent woman? Unfortunately, I have no advice for you! I have no ideas for “an easy buck”, I have no magical wand to alleviate all that pressure, I have no command over your husband, and I have no means to rescue your little girl from you!

I could sit here behind my keyboard and ask you to get a job but you must have already thought of that and decided that you could not. I could ask you to start a home business but you must have thought of that and decided that you would fail. I could ask you to lean on your family for support but you must know how controlling and critical they would be of you and your way of raising up your child. There are no shelters in Egypt that I know of that would take you and your daughter in and rehabilitate you into a functional productive independent woman!

Just take the occasional slap and swallow your tears and pride until your time on earth expires! Maybe in another lifetime you would have the strength to take charge of your actions and decisions. Maybe then you would get a second chance at enjoying the happiness that comes along with being empowered and independent. I have no guarantees that you would get a second chance in another lifetime but I only hope that you would make the best use of the life you have been give this time around!

 

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