Ask Marwa: How do I end a Sexual Relationship at Work?

Date posted: November 16, 2015


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Published in Identity Magazine in October 2015

Dear Marwa


I had a sexual relationship with my boss who is 64 years old, while I was a virgin girl who is only 26 years old. I recently discovered that he has another sexual relationship with a 46-year old woman who works with us too, and they might even be secretly married! I told him that I read their messages but he denied it. I got completely away from him but he keeps calling me. I don't reply, but I feel so bad about myself especially since he is the first man for me to do anything sexual with and I feel like I destroyed my first time having sex with such a loser.. I feel cheap and it kills me inside that he preferred that older woman to me. And I'm wondering why he did anything with me when he has another woman to have sex with!!!
What should I do to get over it? Should I leave the workplace?
He destroy my self-confidence whenever I think about how he was using me!
Please help me to get out of this mess I put myself in.
Thanks,

 

Frustrated and Angry

 

Dear Frustrated and Angry

Please stop being frustrated and angry! You are the victim of a sexual predator! I would imagine you to be a middle class girl who comes from a traditional conservative family! I would also imagine that your father is either not present or was too detached and intimidating when you were growing up! You have no experience in life, sheltered, and due to all the above, you have the experience level of someone who is actually 18 not 26! Like all girls, you were looking for love but you were very unlucky to cross paths with this man! He could see through you and he realized how emotionally vulnerable you were at the time! He said the right things and did the right things until you fell in his trap! I am not saying that you did not make a mistake! I am just clarifying the facts that most people will not tell you!

Here is my advice:

  1. When you look at him, I do not want you to see an ex-lover, a lot love, a boss, or a man! When you look at him, I want you to see a predator! Use Google to find images of the word predator and look at those images until you believe that this creature is a predator!
  2. Cut him out of your life! No more calls, messages, meetings, or any encounters of any sort!
  3. Do not run away! Neither change your job nor change your number! You are not escaping from him; you are facing him! Stay and let him know that your answer is “NO”!
  4. Do not waste more time on him; do not waste time hating him, loving him, thinking of him, or questioning his motives! He is a sick person and people like him do not follow logic! He hurt you because he could and he is now hurting another woman!
  5. Be mean! If he insists on talking to you, threaten to tell his wife, his secret wife, and his whole circle! Show him that you truly have nothing more to lose and that you will be the scandal that haunts him!
  6. Be firm! Do not give reasons or justifications! Just say “NO” loud and clear followed by threats!
  7. Learn from this mistake! See what made you fall for him and fix it! If you were bored, fill your life with activities! If you were lonely, make friends and get a pet! If you need a father, either get one or get over it! If you were desperate or insecure, work on your self-esteem, self-respect, and love yourself. He did not destroy your self-confidence, if you had any you wouldn’t have fallen for him!
  8. If you need help with the above-mentioned point, get a life coach or read self-help books!
  9. Start with: All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise! Yes! This is a great book by Daylle Deanna Schwartz.
  10. Be strong! You are young and this relationship is not your burial stone; this is a huge stepping stone towards gaining a better understanding of yourself and of relationships!
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