CAMPUS MAGAZINE: Is Pre-marital Sex for you?
Date posted: January 1, 2009
Why do people care about what I think when it comes to their virginity – their very own virginity? Why do they care if I am for or against premarital sex? Why do they keep asking me about my beliefs? Why do they attack me personally when they disagree with my ideas?
I am sick and tired of people telling us what to do. I am trying hard to avoid turning into one of those people who dictate what is right and what is wrong – and people follow. My mission in life is to get you to think. Yes! You! I neither want to take decisions on your behalf nor do I want you to blame me for the consequences of your actions. I do not want to be dragged along on your guilt trips.
Stop asking me the wrong questions … it is not about me or what I believe in … it is about you and what you can handle. So here is my attempt at helping you decide which paths to take and which to avoid.
1) How old are you?
a. Below 18
b. Between 18 and 21
c. Above 21
2) How many serious relationships have you had?
a. Below 3
b. Between 3 and 6
c. Above 6
3) How long do your relationships last?
a. A week or so
b. A month or so
c. A year or so
4) Most of your relationships are
a. One sided – you are in love with someone who does not love you
b. One sided – you are involved with someone who loves you but you cannot reciprocate
c. Mutual – you are in love and are loved back
5) How would you describe love?
a. No pain no gain
b. Eat all you can
c. A journey not a destination
If your answers are mainly As, then it is not the right time for you to consider premarital sex. You are either too young or too inexperienced or too fragile or too hurt. You have a lot to learn about yourself and sex at this time of your life will have negative percussions. If your answers are mainly Bs, then your decision to have premarital sex is for the wrong reasons with the wrong people. Nothing good can come out of that. You might do it out of experimentation or curiosity but then you will miss out on the true meaning of bonding. If your answers are mainly Cs then move on to the next series of questions.
1) Choose the statement that fits your religious beliefs
a. He who suffers in this world will be rewarded in heaven
b. To err is human
c. Do as you would be done by
2) How do you think of your mother?
a. She is my role model and I look up to her
b. She was never there for me
c. I love her yet we are different
3) How do you think of your father?
a. I would never upset him
b. He hurt me more than he would ever know
c. He would always be my father
4) How do you feel about traditions?
c. Time for change
5) How do you feel about girls who engage in premarital sex?
b. She should have been careful
c. So what?
6) How do you feel about guys who engage in premarital sex?
b. He is a man
c. So what?
7) How many friends do you have who have had premarital sex?
a. How would I know?
b. Not sure
c. Why would I care?
8) Would you marry someone you had sex with?
a. Of course not
b. Not sure
c. Why not?
9) What do you fear the most?
c. Doing the wrong thing
10) Sex is
a. A taboo
b. A shame
c. An experience
11) When your partner touches you
a. You want him/her to stop
b. You want him/her to stop but you let them continue
c. You touch him/her back
12) Premarital sex is
a. A sin
b. A mistake
c. A part of the relation
13) I fear
a. God and what he could do to me
b. People and what they think of me
c. Myself and what I could do to myself
14) The last time you got dumped you
a. Were angry at him/her for hurting you
b. Were angry at yourself for allowing it to happen
c. Were not angry – everything happens for a reason
15) You might consider premarital sex if
a. You are engaged to that person
b. That person promised to marry you
c. You are in love
16) You will regret premarital sex
b. If someone found out
c. If you caught an STD
17) You had sex and the relationship ended, you feel
a. It is a punishment from God
b. Lost and confused
c. Sad for the loss of love
18) When do you think is the right time to have sex with your partner?
a. After marriage
b. When you fear they will leave you for someone else
c. When it feels right
19) Sexual desire reminds you of
b. The forbidden fruit
20) When a relationship ends you
a. Regret the feelings and the time
b. Regret choosing the wrong person
c. No regrets only lessons
If most of your answers are As
You are religious, conservative, or traditional. Premarital sex is certainly not for you. Your decisions are based on the tutoring of your religion and you cannot bear the consequences of sex outside the wedlock. Without marriage sex is dirty and shameful – this is what your parents taught you and this is what you will teach your kids. You like being right and you enjoy the "holier than thou attitude". You believe in heaven and hell and you believe that people need to follow a certain code of conduct if they want to go to heaven. Suffering and curbing one's desires is the simplest thing we can do to go to heaven. Since you managed to "do the right thing", you expect the people around you to be no less. You do not sympathize with "sinners" and you do not accept hypocrisy or excuses. Because of your lack of empathy, people are hesitant to come to you with their problems and secrets. You are too judgmental. You tend to be the victim of someone or something. Your suffering is never your fault. It is your destiny and, in a way, your identity.
If most of your answers are Bs
You are enslaved! You care too much about people and what they think of you. You might have premarital sex but you will always feel that you made a mistake and you will fear getting caught. Hypocrisy is your middle name. You do not practice what you preach and this will only harm you. Deep down you believe that premarital sex is a mistake and you have no respect for those who do it. You mislead your partners by making them believe that it does not matter to you. This is how you get hurt every time and this is how you hurt them. You are governed by anger at your parents and traditions and you blame them for your misfortunes. Having premarital sex is a form of rebellion yet it only imprisons you. You have double standards and flawed scales; your opinion changes depending on the people you hang out with. If they are religious you adopt a preaching tone and if they are liberal you adopt a "cool" tone. Because you lie a lot, you are never sure when people talk to you if they are telling the truth; if they say they have sex all the time you do not believe them and if they say they never have sex you doubt them. There is a wide gap between your beliefs and your actions this is where the sense of shame comes from. Death is the only moment of truth you will have. Your anger is also directed at yourself. You have self destructive tendencies and it does not take much effort to shake your beliefs or to make you change your mind about something. You are a people's pleaser; you will say or do whatever to make someone like you. Premarital sex is not a good idea. You are most likely going to regret it or you will live in denial and conflict.
If most of your answers are Cs
You believe in fairness, justice, and equality. Self respect and trying to do the right thing are the motivators behind all your actions. You respect your parents even if you differ. You are open and straightforward in your relationships. You do not give yourself the right to judge people and you have no gender-related discrimination. People trust your opinion because you are not biased. For you premarital sex is neither a taboo nor a sin. You are accountable for your choices and decisions. You cannot be coerced into doing anything that does not make sense to you. Sex is just a part of the relationship and if it feels right then you do not feel bad about it. Because of the sense of fairness I mentioned earlier, you have no problem getting married to someone you had sex with. If most of your answers are Cs then you are already having premarital sex.
If your answers are mainly As and Bs
Then the fine line between your religious beliefs and social traditions is fading! Your sense of religion is tainted by your keenness on social image and decorum. You are trying to be politically correct all the time and it is wearing you out. Premarital sex is certainly not for you. If your As are more than your Bs, and you go for it, you will be depressed, angry, sad, and almost suicidal. If your Bs are more, you will indulge in a multitude of self destructive habits because you are a "bad boy" or a "bad girl".
If your answers are mainly Bs and Cs
Then you are a slave who experiences moments of freedom. You are trying to reconcile your differences and close the gap between your actions and beliefs. If your Bs are more than you Cs, then you have a long way to go. If the Cs are more then you are almost there.
If your answers are As and Cs
Then you are a liar. This is just not possible. Please take the test again!