{"id":11665,"date":"2017-07-01T00:57:08","date_gmt":"2017-06-30T22:57:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=11665"},"modified":"2023-03-18T00:59:30","modified_gmt":"2023-03-17T22:59:30","slug":"ask-marwa-eager-to-marry-him","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=11665","title":{"rendered":"Ask Marwa: Eager to Marry Him"},"content":{"rendered":"<pre><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-July-2017.jpg?ssl=1\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"11613\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?attachment_id=11613\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-July-2017.jpg?fit=620%2C877&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"620,877\" data-comments-opened=\"0\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"Identity Magazine &amp;#8211; Marwa Rakha &amp;#8211; July 2017\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-July-2017.jpg?fit=620%2C877&amp;ssl=1\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-11613\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-July-2017.jpg?resize=620%2C877&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" width=\"620\" height=\"877\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-July-2017.jpg?w=620&amp;ssl=1 620w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-July-2017.jpg?resize=212%2C300&amp;ssl=1 212w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 620px) 100vw, 620px\" \/><\/a>\r\nDear Marwa,\u00a0\r\n\r\nIt's summer time or wedding season, as I am sure you are aware. This time of the year makes me quite desperate because my boyfriend still hasn't proposed. We've been together for 5 years. All our friends are married and have kids, and the idea of marriage never came up between me and him. I know that he has some commitment issues that he is working through, but I am beginning to lose hope that he will ever propose, and honestly I am the type of girl who wishes to get married, have dozen kids and settle with her love forever. So what do you think, should I leave him since we obviously don't share the same goals?\u00a0\r\n\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Dear Wanting to Get Married,<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">I would not advise you to leave him; I urge you to talk to him openly and frankly. Most men process information only if it is presented to them clearly and directly. Your boyfriend might think that you are happy in, and satisfied, with your relationship the way it is. He might think that you are the one who does not want to get married. He might assume that you are the one working on your commitment issues. He might believe that you do not want to have kids now and that you are focused on your career. If you do not speak up, clearly yet calmly, he will not rock the boat.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Put yourself in his shoes, here is this lucky guy who has been in a steady relationship with this awesome girlfriend for five years. They understand one another, they have a great social life together, they enjoy their outings, and they are happy. Why would he say anything that might disturb the smooth flow of this relationship? Why would he risk ruining what you have together?<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">On the other hand, there is no such thing as a guy with commitment issues who manages to stay in a relationship for five years. There is also no such thing as a guy working on his own, without professional therapy, on his fear of commitment. Commitment issues are serious and they apply to all areas of a person\u2019s life; love, family, work, friendships, short-term plans, long-term plans, etc.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">If you decided to take my advice and to tell him what you want, do not be emotional or hysterical. Do not accuse him of anything. Do not cry. Do not shout. Do not frown. Do not start any sentence with \u201cyou\u201d. Start your sentences with \u201cI\u201d;<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">\u201cI think \u2026 \u201c<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">\u201cI want \u2026\u201d<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">\u201cI feel that I need \u2026\u201d<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Use a \u201cmatter-of-fact\u201d tone and choose a time when he is attentive and ready to listen.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Do not approach him with the infamous \u201cwe need to talk\u201d line. Just choose a good time and talk. If he encourages you to talk further, be positive, and tell him that you love him and that you want him to be the father of your children. Tell him that you want him as a lifetime partner and friend. Tell him exactly how you feel about him and about your relationship. Do not be negative and tell him that you feel that your relationship is going nowhere; help him see the happy places where your relationship could go.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">If he is silent, ask him to think about it and do not give him ultimatums. If he comes back with solid fears and concerns, this is an opportunity to address them. If he tells you straight forward that he is not interested in getting married, then you can end the relationship knowing that you have given him, and the relationship, your very best.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">My final advice to you is to ignore the \u201cseasons\u201d. This is just another means of societal pressure. Personally, I don\u2019t think that summer is a good time for weddings or marriage. Autumn is cooler and more romantic. Getting married and choosing to have kids are two major decisions in a person\u2019s life, do not take them lightly and do not rush yourself through them.<\/span><\/pre>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My final advice to you is to ignore the \u201cseasons\u201d. This is just another means of societal pressure. Personally, I don\u2019t think that summer is a good time for weddings or marriage. Autumn is cooler and more romantic. Getting married and choosing to have kids are two major decisions in a person\u2019s life, do not take them lightly and do not rush yourself through them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_eb_attr":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1,16],"tags":[1453,55],"class_list":["post-11665","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-articles","category-identity-magazine","tag-ask-marwa","tag-identity-magazine-2"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- 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Many men and women realize from the first day of their marital lives that they made a mistake and that they got married to the wrong person. 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I will do my best to explain to you why things are the way they are, and hopefully through gaining\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/484308_10150865382479195_1426910529_n-300x211.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":6558,"url":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=6558","url_meta":{"origin":11665,"position":2},"title":"Ask Marwa: I am married to an ATM machine","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"July 10, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"There are two ways to consider when thinking of marriage, home, and kids; you can think in \"I owe you; you owe me\" kind of way where every role and contribution is carefully calculated and assessed. This manner of book-keeping in a marriage is the fastest road to frustration and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"Identity Magazine May","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/07\/Identity-Magazine-May-211x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":6400,"url":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=6400","url_meta":{"origin":11665,"position":3},"title":"Ask Marwa: I am married to a man who is eating away my self-esteem!","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"May 7, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"I am married to a man who is eating away my self-esteem! He tells me that compared to the women he used to know before marriage, I am unsexy and unattractive. He tells me that I turn him off, that I am fat, that my taste in clothes and furniture\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/Identity-Magazine-May-2012-300x201.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":8147,"url":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=8147","url_meta":{"origin":11665,"position":4},"title":"Ask Marwa: My Boyfriend cannot keep a Job!","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"December 12, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"The problem is he never stays put in a job for more than 4 months which makes it impossible for us to get married. I can't face my family and afraid if we do get married, we don't have income to live. 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