{"id":11681,"date":"2017-03-01T01:20:28","date_gmt":"2017-02-28T23:20:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=11681"},"modified":"2023-03-18T01:22:26","modified_gmt":"2023-03-17T23:22:26","slug":"ask-marwa-dating-behind-my-parents-back","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=11681","title":{"rendered":"Ask Marwa: Dating Behind my Parent&#8217;s Back"},"content":{"rendered":"<pre><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-March-2018.jpg?ssl=1\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"11621\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?attachment_id=11621\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-March-2018.jpg?fit=1448%2C2048&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"1448,2048\" data-comments-opened=\"0\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"Identity Magazine &amp;#8211; Marwa Rakha &amp;#8211; March 2018\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-March-2018.jpg?fit=724%2C1024&amp;ssl=1\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-11621\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-March-2018.jpg?resize=800%2C1131&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"1131\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-March-2018.jpg?w=1448&amp;ssl=1 1448w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-March-2018.jpg?resize=212%2C300&amp;ssl=1 212w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-March-2018.jpg?resize=724%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 724w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-March-2018.jpg?resize=768%2C1086&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-March-2018.jpg?resize=1086%2C1536&amp;ssl=1 1086w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\" \/><\/a>\r\nDear Marwa,\r\n\r\nI am currently in a relationship with the guy of my dreams. We have been together for almost two years now. My problem is not with my boyfriend, to the contrary, it is with my parents.\r\n\r\nMy parents are against me dating someone at this age (20 years old), they think that I should concentrate on my studies. Some of the reasons why they don\u2019t approve are religious reasons along with cultural taboos. I have been raised in a society of upper class people, went to international schools and currently at one of the reputable universities.\r\n\r\nI don\u2019t believe that dating is wrong, but my parents do have a conservative opinion on this matter. However, I feel like I am a double agent leading two different lives. I have to lie to my parents every step of the way in order to maintain my relationship with my boyfriend. I don\u2019t want to be doing things behind my parents\u2019 back, but again I don\u2019t want to breakup with my boyfriend.\r\n\r\nI know that if I told my parents, they won\u2019t let me be with him and will force me to breakup, however my heart keeps aching every time I lie to them. What do you advise me to do?\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Dear Double Agent<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Your dilemma is that of many generations of the past and, unfortunately, will haunt many generations in the future. The conflict between reason and passion, cultural traditions and the heart\u2019s desires, religion and instincts, taboos and common sense, being true to oneself and being honest with your parents, etc. \u2013 such conflicts have been told, and retold, over the years in folktales, urban legends, novels, plays, movies, art, and music.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Parents will always worry about their children and children will always defy their parents, in an attempt to gain independence, and to simply \u201cbe\u201d! This journey will be filled with pain, tears, slammed doors, heartache, and scars. Children will vow to never grow into their parents, only to become an upgraded, yet glitched, version of them.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Your parents managed to upgrade your living standards, education, and social circles. They probably paid attention to empowering you with languages, sports, and life skills. If one took a picture of your family, in your home, and sent it to another family in West Europe, for example, they would think that you are all pretty modern and progressive.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Deep down, underneath the clothes, behind the furniture, away from the lifestyle, your parents still carry the heritage of their ancestors, and the baggage of literature and drama, that all warned against adopting Western traditions, and allowing dating! Girls should never date! Girls should never have relationships! Girls should never have experience! Experienced girls are BAD!<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Most parents know that their children have crushes, flirt, and fall in love. They are also aware that this is a natural part of growing up \u2013 just like using the toilet! They also know that it is their role to prevent the worst from happening, to protect their treasured virginity, and to guide them away from the path of self-destruction.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">This is exactly what your parents are doing! They know, but they cannot approve! They are aware, but they cannot give you their blessing! They have been through it themselves, but they will do their best to stop you. They will never forgive themselves if they approved, and you were used or abused. They do not want to be a reason, a faint reason, behind your pain or ruin.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Your parents, like many others, do not want to be labelled \u201cloose\u201d, \u201ccareless\u201d, \u201cmoral-less\u201d, or anything that makes \u201cless\u201d of them as good protective parents. Even if you wreck your ship, they want to look themselves in the mirror and say that they did their best to stop you. They do not want to be blamed for you losing your reputation.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">The horror stories they hear and see every day, in real life, or on social media, intensify their sense of danger. You are not young to fall in love, or to date, or to think of sex, still, they know the dangers out there, and they have to shelter you for as long as possible. People your age are fully capable of starting families, but they know that this is not happening anytime soon. Like a can of tune, you have to be \u201cpreserved\u201d until the time comes.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">I would not advise you to lie!<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">I want you to feel empathy for them! Your parents are dead-scared! Next year, you will finish your studies, you will get a job, and they will lose the little control they can have over you. You will have more freedom than you have ever had and the maximum they can do is try to set a curfew for you. They will never know who you talk to, what you say, what is being said to you, who you flirt with, who is trying to win your heart, who is using you, who is hitting on you, where you go, how you behave, etc.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Put yourself in their shoes and think! Isn\u2019t this scary! Isn\u2019t this every parents\u2019 nightmare?<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">It will happen! No one can stop \u201cnature\u201d from taking its course.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Having said that, my advice would be: Don\u2019t make them sorry!<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Go ahead and date. They know!<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Don\u2019t rub it in their faces because it is more than they can handle.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Take very good care of yourself and don\u2019t do anything you wouldn\u2019t want your own children to do.<\/span><\/pre>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I know that if I told my parents, they won\u2019t let me be with him and will force me to breakup, however my heart keeps aching every time I lie to them. What do you advise me to do?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_eb_attr":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1,16],"tags":[1453,55],"class_list":["post-11681","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-articles","category-identity-magazine","tag-ask-marwa","tag-identity-magazine-2"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- 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\u0645\u0627\u0631\u064a\u0627 \u0645\u0648\u0646\u062a\u064a\u0633\u0648\u0631\u064a\u201d \u0639\u0646 \u0627\u0644\u0637\u0641\u0644 \u0648\u0627\u0644\u0628\u064a\u0626\u0629 \u0627\u0644\u063a\u0646\u064a\u0629 \u0627\u0644\u062a\u064a \u064a\u062d\u062a\u0627\u062c\u0647\u0627 \u0644\u064a\u0646\u0645\u0648 \u0648\u064a\u0632\u062f\u0647\u0631. \u062a\u0644\u062a \u0627\u0644\u0642\u0631\u0627\u0621\u0629 \u0627\u0644\u062d\u0631\u0629 \u062f\u0631\u0627\u0633\u0629 \u0645\u062a\u0639\u0645\u0642\u0629 \u0644\u0644\u0641\u0644\u0633\u0641\u0629 \u0648\u0627\u0644\u0645\u0646\u0647\u062c \u0645\u0639 \u0645\u0631\u0643\u0632 \u201c\u0623\u0645\u0631\u064a\u0643\u0627 \u0627\u0644\u0634\u0645\u0627\u0644\u064a\u0629 \u0644\u0644\u0645\u0648\u0646\u062a\u064a\u0633\u0648\u0631\u064a\u201d\u060cNorth American Montessori 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If you examine the development of your relationship, when you were just dating his family\u2019s influence was minimal, now that you are engaged their influence is deeper and violating, how do you think things will be after you are married and you are officially and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"10659044_773416679386991_3647997586105559802_o","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/10659044_773416679386991_3647997586105559802_o-212x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":6673,"url":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=6673","url_meta":{"origin":11681,"position":1},"title":"ASK MARWA: I did not tell my family that my fiancee is divorced with kids!","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"May 8, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"I am currently engaged to a man who I\u2019m really in love with. We met just a year ago and are currently planning our wedding. There is one thing though, he was married before and has two children.","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"10255951_710033209058672_3162491952065453738_o","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/10255951_710033209058672_3162491952065453738_o-211x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":214,"url":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=214","url_meta":{"origin":11681,"position":2},"title":"Ask Marwa: A Hole in My Wedding Gown","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"June 1, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"I need serious advice here. It all started with a hole in my wedding gown. Let me start from the beginning. I have been dating the greatest man on earth for the past three years and we are planning to get married soon. I began having a recurrent dream that\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/Wedding-Gown-254x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":11685,"url":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=11685","url_meta":{"origin":11681,"position":3},"title":"Ask Marwa: Secretly Converted to Another Religion","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"May 1, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"I'm a 27 years old girl with a very complicated situation. I am on a religion that I don't believe in anymore. Despite the reasons, I've secretly converted to another religion many years ago. Only some of my close friends are aware of that, and sure my parents know nothing\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-May-2018.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-May-2018.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-May-2018.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-May-2018.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-May-2018.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":6791,"url":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=6791","url_meta":{"origin":11681,"position":4},"title":"Ask Marwa: Cold Feet &#8211; A Normal Phase?","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"August 24, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Fighting him over his lack of interest or poor involvement will not change the fact that he resents how this marriage is happening. If you want him to get involved, then you need to clearly ask your parents to back off, and he has to do the same with his\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"10551614_758480570880602_7257874443669553822_o","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/10551614_758480570880602_7257874443669553822_o-210x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":5485,"url":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=5485","url_meta":{"origin":11681,"position":5},"title":"Ask Marwa: Do you think that men marry women just for the sex?","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"December 8, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"I cannot talk to my mom about this but do you think that men marry women just for the sex? It is just disgusting! 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