{"id":11691,"date":"2018-08-01T01:35:40","date_gmt":"2018-07-31T23:35:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=11691"},"modified":"2023-03-18T01:41:21","modified_gmt":"2023-03-17T23:41:21","slug":"ask-marwa-seasonal-commitment-issues","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=11691","title":{"rendered":"Ask Marwa: Seasonal Commitment Issues"},"content":{"rendered":"<pre><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-August-2018.jpg?ssl=1\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"11626\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?attachment_id=11626\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-August-2018.jpg?fit=1240%2C1754&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"1240,1754\" data-comments-opened=\"0\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"Identity Magazine &amp;#8211; Marwa Rakha &amp;#8211; August 2018\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-August-2018.jpg?fit=724%2C1024&amp;ssl=1\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-11626\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-August-2018.jpg?resize=800%2C1132&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"1132\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-August-2018.jpg?w=1240&amp;ssl=1 1240w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-August-2018.jpg?resize=212%2C300&amp;ssl=1 212w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-August-2018.jpg?resize=724%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 724w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-August-2018.jpg?resize=768%2C1086&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-August-2018.jpg?resize=1086%2C1536&amp;ssl=1 1086w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\" \/><\/a>\r\nDear Marwa,\r\n\r\nI\u2019m 23 years old and I\u2019ve been in a relationship with my high school sweetheart for 7 years now. I\u2019m writing you because he has this weird thing I call \u201cseasonal commitment issues\u201d. It first started on our first summer together, where we had a huge fight and we broke up for the 3 months of summer. And as soon as we were back to school, we were back together. And this thing kept happening almost every summer of every year. Needless to say that it used to kill me every summer, at least at first, but after that it has become kind of expected.\u00a0\u00a0\r\n\r\nWhenever Sahel season starts, he comes up with a silly problem and keeps over reacting about it, and then we break up. I confronted him with it before, but he always keeps going around it and never gives me a valid explanation of why he is doing that. Many times I refused to go back to him but he just couldn\u2019t take no for an answer! He did all the crazy romantic stuff in the book to bring me back to him.\r\n\r\nAnd for me, that\u2019s an emotional abuse, to expect our break-up every summer, go through it all over again every single time and try to talk him out of it and failing every time. It\u2019s a non-ending loop that I\u2019m unable to break.\r\n\r\nI\u2019m totally lost and I don\u2019t know what should I do!!\r\n\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Dear Seasonal Commitment Issues,<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">In relationships, the rules of fair play include that if someone is in a relationship, and he broke up with his partner, he is free to date again.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">The rules of fair play also mandate that if that person and his partner, with whom he broke up, decide to hook up again, there is nothing to prevent them.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Since we are speaking about \u201cfairness\u201d, it is only fair for you to know what he did last summer, and the summer before, and seven summers ago. It is only fair for you to decide to take him back, or not, only after you know.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Since this is a recurrent issue in your relationship, I can safely assume that your boyfriend wants to flirt left right and center during the summer, then return safely to your haven. He wants to make sure he is \u201cfree\u201d so that when he meets someone, he could look her in the eye, and tell her without a blink, that he is single. He would not be lying then.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">I am not saying that he does not love you, I am saying that he wants to be uncommitted for a couple of months every year to flirt around and date confidently. From his perspective, he thinks he is too young to settle for just one girl. Some men never manage to settle for one girl even at their 50s and 60s.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Enough about him!<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">What are your options?<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">First: Accept his summer flings and continue like this forever after \u2013 if you get married.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Second: Accept his summer flings and let him know upfront that you will be free to try dating other men.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Third: Refuse this \u201cabuse\u201d, as you named it in your message, and turn the page. You are growing up and you are no longer that sixteen-year-old girl who hooked up with her high school crush.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Personally, I would advise you to go for the third option.<\/span><\/pre>\n<ul>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">Your boyfriend is selfish, immature, and far from committed.<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">Yes, he loves you! But this is a bad kind of love!<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">If you choose the second option, you will never be fully able to date. You will still feel committed on some level and your heart will still be waiting for the summer to end.<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">What if, one summer, he does not come back? What if he meets someone who truly blows his mind away? What if he realizes that he is still young and that he wants to wait for ten years before he commits?<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">What if there are truly decent men around you, and you are missing out on true love?<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<pre>\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Your boyfriend is just being himself and you cannot change that. Maybe in five years he will stop, but what would be left of you then? All the pain and agony that we go through wears us out, toughens us up, and changes our core \u2013 eventually.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Maybe this story is meant to end here. Maybe it is time to archive it with the sweet teens memories and embrace adulthood like a grown-up woman? Maybe you owe it to yourself to stop this recurrent pattern of frustration?<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">I have seen many women, ripe mature married women, whose souls get crushed many a time when their husbands cheat or have summer flings. There is a look that they all have in common \u2013 the look of a woman who was let down by her man. There is a sense of defeat about them \u2013 they were defeated because they chose to accept the \u201crecurrent pattern of abuse\u201d instead of opting out and embracing life with all the other options out there.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">I would hate to hear from you again, ten years down the road, after being married to that man, and having to listen to the story of your defeat. This is your chance \u2026 think about your options \u2026 take your time \u2026 decide when you are ready to let go.<\/span><\/pre>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It first started on our first summer together, where we had a huge fight and we broke up for the 3 months of summer. And as soon as we were back to school, we were back together. And this thing kept happening almost every summer of every year.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_eb_attr":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1,16],"tags":[1453,55],"class_list":["post-11691","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-articles","category-identity-magazine","tag-ask-marwa","tag-identity-magazine-2"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v28.5 (Yoast SEO v28.6) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Marwa Rakha | Ask Marwa: Seasonal Commitment Issues<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"\u0645\u0648\u0642\u0639 \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627 \u064a\u0642\u062f\u0645 \u0644\u0643\u0645 \u062b\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0645\u0646 \u0627\u0644\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a \u0648\u0627\u0644\u0641\u064a\u062f\u064a\u0648\u0647\u0627\u062a \u0627\u0644\u0645\u062c\u0627\u0646\u064a\u0629 \u0639\u0646 \u062a\u0631\u0628\u064a\u0629 \u0627\u0644\u0627\u0637\u0641\u0627\u0644 \u0648\u0641\u0644\u0633\u0641\u0629 \u0627\u0644\u0645\u0648\u0646\u062a\u064a\u0633\u0648\u0631\u064a \u0648\u0627\u0644\u0639\u0644\u0627\u0642\u0627\u062a \u0627\u0644\u0639\u0627\u0637\u0641\u064a\u0629 \u0648\u0627\u0644\u062d\u064a\u0627\u0629 \u0627\u0644\u0635\u062d\u064a\u0629.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, 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Any girl who loves her man dreads the day he might leave her for someone prettier, younger, older, more interesting, more experienced, or more anything compared to her. In your case, this fear is\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"1956701_693605794034747_751813145_o (1)","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/1956701_693605794034747_751813145_o-1-212x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":186,"url":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=186","url_meta":{"origin":11691,"position":2},"title":"Ask Marwa: Guy in the Cave","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"December 22, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"I have the best boyfriend in life. We have been together for two years and we are planning to get engaged by the summer. He just got his first job and since that happened he has not been the same. He is always tired, seems distant, does not want to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/Caveman-226x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":6791,"url":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=6791","url_meta":{"origin":11691,"position":3},"title":"Ask Marwa: Cold Feet &#8211; A Normal Phase?","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"August 24, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Fighting him over his lack of interest or poor involvement will not change the fact that he resents how this marriage is happening. 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