{"id":11697,"date":"2018-11-01T01:48:31","date_gmt":"2018-10-31T23:48:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=11697"},"modified":"2023-03-18T01:50:15","modified_gmt":"2023-03-17T23:50:15","slug":"ask-marwa-how-to-early-spot-my-partners-insecurity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=11697","title":{"rendered":"Ask Marwa: How to early spot my partner\u2019s insecurity?"},"content":{"rendered":"<pre><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-Nov-2018.jpg?ssl=1\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"11629\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?attachment_id=11629\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-Nov-2018.jpg?fit=1240%2C1754&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"1240,1754\" data-comments-opened=\"0\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"Identity Magazine &amp;#8211; Marwa Rakha &amp;#8211; Nov 2018\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-Nov-2018.jpg?fit=724%2C1024&amp;ssl=1\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-11629\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-Nov-2018.jpg?resize=800%2C1132&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"1132\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-Nov-2018.jpg?w=1240&amp;ssl=1 1240w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-Nov-2018.jpg?resize=212%2C300&amp;ssl=1 212w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-Nov-2018.jpg?resize=724%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 724w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-Nov-2018.jpg?resize=768%2C1086&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-Nov-2018.jpg?resize=1086%2C1536&amp;ssl=1 1086w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\" \/><\/a>\r\nHow to early spot my partner\u2019s insecurity? And how would that help?\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">In the beginning of a relationship, we all strive to leave a good impression. No one wants to come across as clingy or negative. Even the most careful of us will give off a few cues, and our partner can sense our insecurities.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Likewise, we can sense their fears and lingering demons. We can feel the closet that are hiding skeletons. We know \u2026 we just know \u2026 when something is off.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">There is no recipe to follow when trying to dig up the buried bodies of a partner\u2019s insecurities. Use your sixth sense and trust your instincts. If deep down you feel that your partner lacks self-confidence, then he\/she does. If you feel that they are jealous but acting cool, believe it. If you feel they are lying, most probably they are.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Some issues are buried deeper than others, and you will only know them as you get to know your partner. The fear of being abandoned, for instance, only surfaces when you hear their stories about their parents and previous relationships. The fear of being cheated upon is one of the issues that does a very good job camouflaging into other things, like jealousy out of love.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Spotting insecurities early on in a relationship only helps you with one thing: to decide to stay or to leave.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">It is as simple as: Can I handle this? Am I willing to handle this? Is it worth it?<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Which is considered to be smarter or more beneficial to the relationship: Disregarding the insecurity as if it was never noticed in the first place; as to avoid making the insecure partner uncomfortable and hence more insecure? Or mentioning that one partner noticed it and have a discussion about it?<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">If you do sense an area of insecurity or two, do not mention it. Wait, watch, observe, take mental notes. Try to keep track of the incidents that triggered that insecurity, the impact they had on your relationship, when and how your partner returned to normal after the \u201cinsecurity attack\u201d, and what your partner had to say to justify his\/her behavior at the time.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">When you are certain, and fully equipped with evidence and information, choose a time when you and your partner are having an open conversation, a moment of spiritual intimacy, and bring up the topic. For example,<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">\u201cI noticed that you do not like my friend \u201cY\u201d, every time he is around, I feel you tend to be quiet and distance yourself. What is it about \u201cY\u201d that bothers you?\u201d<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Do not name the insecurity, do not blame your partner, and do not point fingers. Just bring it up as a feeling or an observation, and drill slowly. If your partner shuts down, leave it there.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Observe more, collect more data and incidents, then bring it up again later. One day, your partner will be ready to open up. Be careful! You are not a therapist! You are not a savior!<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">There is a difference between the roles of a loving supportive partner and a therapist. Your role is to comfort your partner, and to rationally discuss the validity\/invalidity of the issue, and its impact on your relationship.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Healing, treating, and mending a broken person is not your job. It is okay to recommend a therapist, to see one together, or to walk away.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Can someone actually make another person\u2019s insecurity fade? Or it\u2019s just a mere help not to make it grow worse?<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">In a relationship, you cannot make someone\u2019s insecurities \u201cfade away\u201d. The best you can do is to avoid triggering them, and to discuss them when they erupt. For example, if your partner has a fear of being abandoned, no matter how many times you promise to stay, how many times you prove to be available, and how many times you choose to stay when anyone else would have left, your partner would still fear the day you leave.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Another example, if someone lacks self-confidence, no matter how many times you reassure him\/her that you find them perfect inside out, that you love their hair, face, body, etc., they would feel ugly and uncomfortable in their skin.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">The worst part is that his\/her actions would actually lead you to leave, would drive you away, would alienate you until you no longer could afford to be in this relationship. That is why recommending a therapist can save the relationship!<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">What are the red flags that \u2013if took place- can make a partner walk away with a good conscience, and without feeling like they gave up on their partner?<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Walking away from an unhealthy relationship sounds like an easy thing to do, but when a person is involved in the relationship, he\/she does not see that it would be wise to leave, especially when they are playing the role of the savior.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Here are a few signs that it is about time to end a relationship with an insecure person \u2013 no matter the reason of the insecurities:<\/span><\/pre>\n<ul>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">You are always apologizing.<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">You are always sorry.<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">You are tired, exhausted, and bummed-out.<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">You always have some explanation to do.<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">Your partner is always crying, whining, and nagging.<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">You feel stressed as if you are walking in a mine field.<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">Your conversations and outings feel like therapy sessions.<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">You are losing your friends because your partner does not like them.<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">You are afraid to say\/do anything to upset your partner.<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Healing, treating, and mending a broken person is not your job. It is okay to recommend a therapist, to see one together, or to walk away.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_eb_attr":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1,16],"tags":[1453,55],"class_list":["post-11697","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-articles","category-identity-magazine","tag-ask-marwa","tag-identity-magazine-2"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- 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