{"id":11706,"date":"2019-03-01T02:04:25","date_gmt":"2019-03-01T00:04:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=11706"},"modified":"2023-03-18T02:07:57","modified_gmt":"2023-03-18T00:07:57","slug":"ask-marwa-when-a-woman-earns-more-than-her-man","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=11706","title":{"rendered":"Ask Marwa: When A Woman Earns More Than Her Man"},"content":{"rendered":"<pre><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-March-2019.jpg?ssl=1\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"11633\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?attachment_id=11633\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-March-2019.jpg?fit=1240%2C1754&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"1240,1754\" data-comments-opened=\"0\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"Identity Magazine &amp;#8211; Marwa Rakha &amp;#8211; March 2019\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-March-2019.jpg?fit=724%2C1024&amp;ssl=1\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-11633\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-March-2019.jpg?resize=800%2C1132&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"1132\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-March-2019.jpg?w=1240&amp;ssl=1 1240w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-March-2019.jpg?resize=212%2C300&amp;ssl=1 212w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-March-2019.jpg?resize=724%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 724w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-March-2019.jpg?resize=768%2C1086&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-March-2019.jpg?resize=1086%2C1536&amp;ssl=1 1086w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\" \/><\/a>\r\nWhen A Woman Earns More Than Her Man\u2026\r\n\r\nWith more women going to college, with women taking less time out from careers to raise children, with more women choosing careers that only a few years ago were the province of men, better jobs and better money have become available to them, and now we reached a time where women can be on equal financial footing with their partners, and can even out-earn them\u2026\r\n\r\nThere are no \u201crules\u201d for managing this change. At the present time, every couple in which the woman is the primary wage earner is very much on its own, inventing a family life that is radically different from that which they knew growing up\u2026Therefor such couples must have countless challenges coming their way.\r\n\r\nWe reached out to our Relationship Expert, Marwa Rakha, to figure out how should a couple deal with such challenges.\r\n\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Why is it still hard to swallow a scenario where in a relationship the woman out-earns the man?<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Let us think of men, women, and relationships as though they were on a continuum; on the one end of the continuum, we have typical male\/female roles. The man is the sole breadwinner and the woman has absolutely no other source of income. She is totally dependent on her husband and he is fully in control.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">On the other end, we have the exact opposite type of relationship; the roles are reversed. The woman has the career, the money, and the control, and her husband is dependent on her.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">In both extreme relationship types, let us exclude kids out of the equation. We are not discussing who takes care of the kids and does chores; we are focusing on who puts food on the table at the end of the day.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">In between the two extremes, there are many variations of the man-woman-money relationship. How acceptable, or unacceptable, a variation is depends on many factors - societal norms is the most important.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">How men and women are raised in a certain society determines how likely they are to accept or reject a scenario where the woman earns more money than her husband. To be more specific, Egyptians, boys and girls, are raised in a society that preaches the superiority of males because they are financially responsible of their families.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Real life happens, and those boys and girls grow up. If the girls get the same education opportunities as the boys, many excel; they complete their studies at school, go to college, and get a job. Some invest in taking courses, attending workshops, and in developing themselves. Others pursue post graduate studies and earn various professional diplomas in their field of work.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">These women manage to land jobs that are quite fulfilling and well-paying. They savor the sweet taste of financial independence and their self-awareness blossoms. Then they are faced with reality:<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">No one wants to get married to them because they are intimidating.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Someone wants to marry them for their money.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Someone wants to marry them, but they do not earn as much money.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Someone who has a high-paying job wants to marry them, but he wants them to choose a less demanding career or to stay at home.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">A successful woman, who wants to get married, might choose a man who fulfils her on many levels, and accepts to be the financial helm in the relationship. Depending on the level of her self-awareness and her need to get married and stay married, she will make peace with the fact that she earns more than her husband.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">The husband, on the other hand, might accept that he is not that financially capable and would try to shoulder other responsibilities to even out the equation. For example, he might help out with chores, kids, extended family, or errands, or provide great emotional support and good sex.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Why are we still suffering from the fact that partners are clinging to their \u201ctraditional\u201d role, even when such roles are no longer practical or even humane?<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">It is not easy to erase the social conditioning that a person goes through until marriage. Think of all the media messages in movies, TV series, songs, and shows. Think of the tutoring of religion. Think of the school curriculums. Think of the parents, the neighbors, the schoolmates, the university professors, the colleagues, the bosses \u2026 just think of how hard it is to unlearn what they have learned their whole lives. Even when a couple manages to break free from \u201ctraditional roles\u201d, they still have their own relapses into their old selves. It is never a \u201cdone deal\u201d.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Redistributing roles and responsibilities in a family is not as simple as saying, \u201cyou take out the garbage, I\u2019ll sweep the floor.\u201d It often gets down to people\u2019s core beliefs about who they are, so what should a couple do to figure out a fair way to distribute household chores, money, and decision-making power?<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Respect is the key word. Assume we have a couple, the woman earns way more the man, they are in love, they want to get married, or are married, and they want to make this work regardless of what \u201csociety\u201d has to say about the roles of a man or a woman \u2013 they need to answer these questions:<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">What needs to be done so that I can respect myself in this relationship, knowing that I am paying for everything?<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">What needs to be done so that I can respect myself in this relationship, knowing that I am not the breadwinner?<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">What needs to be done so that I can respect my wife and not get at angry at her for bringing in more money?<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">What needs to be done so that I can respect my husband and not resent him for not bringing in enough money?<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">The only way for such a relationship to continue is making sure that one respects oneself and one\u2019s partner, and they both appreciate each other for who they are and for what they are bringing to the relationship.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Knowing that you should always work on a relationship, and in a situation such as the one mentioned above you should work twice as hard, what are the red flags that this partner won\u2019t get over the fact that his \u2018traditional role\u2019 no longer exist? How could you know he won\u2019t be supportive in the future and is not worth you trying and investing in him?<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">There is no guaranteed way to ensure that this relationship would work. Deep down, in the depths of the human psyche, things are always brewing. The woman resenting the man and feeling that he is a burden, the man resenting the woman for making him feel less-of-a-man, or the woman resenting herself for not having the courage to end this relationship, or the man resenting himself for marrying \u201cout of his league\u201d \u2013 resentment brews down there.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Nonetheless, there are some signs that could warn you:<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">The man asks you to give him money so he can pay \u2013 he has issues with \u201cwhat will people say if you pay?\u201d<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">He is depressed, sad, gloomy, and you are always trying to cheer him up \u2013 he is guilting you for being successful and radiant.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">He is aggressive, rude, and insolent \u2013 he is damaging your self-esteem.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">He is cheating on you \u2013 he wants to feel like a man with someone else.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">He interferes in your wardrobe and makeup - he is trying to dominate you in the name of love or jealousy.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Worst than a man cannot shake off \u201ctraditional roles\u201d is the man who comfortably abuses you and your money. This man does not mind it at all. You have simply replaced his parents.<\/span><\/pre>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>There is no guaranteed way to ensure that this relationship would work. Deep down, in the depths of the human psyche, things are always brewing. The woman resenting the man and feeling that he is a burden, the man resenting the woman for making him feel less-of-a-man, or the woman resenting herself for not having the courage to end this relationship, or the man resenting himself for marrying \u201cout of his league\u201d \u2013 resentment brews down there.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_eb_attr":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1,16],"tags":[1453,55],"class_list":["post-11706","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-articles","category-identity-magazine","tag-ask-marwa","tag-identity-magazine-2"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- 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Or Vulnerable Attached Woman?","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"April 1, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Having said all of that, many men in conservative societies are attracted to strong independent women the way bees and butterflies are attracted to colorful flowers. However, these men feel intimidated by such independence, and they feel safer and more secure in a relationship with a woman who needs less\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-April-2020.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-April-2020.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-April-2020.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-April-2020.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-April-2020.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":5485,"url":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=5485","url_meta":{"origin":11706,"position":1},"title":"Ask Marwa: Do you think that men marry women just for the sex?","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"December 8, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"I cannot talk to my mom about this but do you think that men marry women just for the sex? It is just disgusting! My question to you Marwa is: when a woman chooses her lifetime partner in this Middle Eastern culture, how could she guarantee that this man she\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/Identity-November-208x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":11708,"url":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=11708","url_meta":{"origin":11706,"position":2},"title":"Ask Marwa: Big Boys Don&#8217;t Cry","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"April 1, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cBig boys don't cry\u201d, \u201cTake it like a man\u201d We all grew up, men and women, believing that men are a feelingless gender. Boys are sissies if they show fear, pain or heaven forbid the most-taboo expression of all: crying! Men grow up aligning themselves with those norms in order\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-April-2019.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-April-2019.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-April-2019.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-April-2019.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-April-2019.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-April-2019.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":6348,"url":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=6348","url_meta":{"origin":11706,"position":3},"title":"ASK MARWA: Not All People Are Marriage Material","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"March 1, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"I am a man in my late 20s. My life can be easily be defined as a series of bad relationships; I have this ability to always go for the worst possible option, lately though I\u2019m in this stable relationship with a person who respects and loves me. However, and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/419809_10150498849111856_701556855_9281591_38054212_n-210x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":652,"url":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=652","url_meta":{"origin":11706,"position":4},"title":"HEY YOU! AN EASY GUIDE TO LOSING YOUR WIFE TO ANOTHER MAN","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"March 14, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"HEY YOU! 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