{"id":11708,"date":"2019-04-01T02:08:31","date_gmt":"2019-04-01T00:08:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=11708"},"modified":"2023-03-18T02:12:07","modified_gmt":"2023-03-18T00:12:07","slug":"ask-marwa-big-boys-dont-cry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=11708","title":{"rendered":"Ask Marwa: Big Boys Don&#8217;t Cry"},"content":{"rendered":"<pre><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-April-2019.jpg?ssl=1\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"11634\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?attachment_id=11634\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-April-2019.jpg?fit=1754%2C1754&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"1754,1754\" data-comments-opened=\"0\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"Identity Magazine &amp;#8211; Marwa Rakha &amp;#8211; April 2019\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-April-2019.jpg?fit=800%2C800&amp;ssl=1\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-11634\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-April-2019.jpg?resize=800%2C800&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"800\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-April-2019.jpg?w=1754&amp;ssl=1 1754w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-April-2019.jpg?resize=300%2C300&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-April-2019.jpg?resize=1024%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-April-2019.jpg?resize=150%2C150&amp;ssl=1 150w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-April-2019.jpg?resize=768%2C768&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-April-2019.jpg?resize=1536%2C1536&amp;ssl=1 1536w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-April-2019.jpg?w=1600&amp;ssl=1 1600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\" \/><\/a>\r\n\u201cBig boys don't cry\u201d, \u201cTake it like a man\u201d We all grew up, men and women, believing that men are a feelingless gender. Boys are sissies if they show fear, pain or heaven forbid the most-taboo expression of all: crying! Men grow up aligning themselves with those norms in order to fit in. They fear if they show a more vulnerable side, it will over shadow their other masculine traits.\r\n\r\nWhen it comes to relationships, feelings are the very thing that creates closeness and connection, and achieves a deeper intimacy. When a man doesn\u2019t share his feeling with his partner, this can have a dramatic impact on relationship quality and lead to all sorts of confusion and conflict. We reached out to our Relationship Expert, Marwa Rakha, to help us crack the Code of Men\u2019s feelings.\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Putting norms and society beliefs aside, is true that men and women process emotions differently?<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Emotions are emotions; take a baby, for example, when a baby is hungry, he\/she cries. When a toddler is sad, he\/she cries. When a child is scared, he\/she cries. Also, when they are happy, excited, or surprised, they express their feelings.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Just looking at children assures us that they were born with the ability to experience and express the same set of feelings.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">After birth, parents start dictating the differences between girls and boys; pink for girls and blue for boys, houses and dolls for girls, cars and Meccano for boys, long hair, dresses, earrings are for girls, short hair and checkered shirts are for boys, tears are for girls and boys should just bite their lips.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">This early conditioning teaches boys to deny their true feelings and desires; deny the desire to become a hairdresser, a chef, a tailor, a nurse, or a stay-at-home dad. They are also forced to deny emotional and physical pain.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">It gets worse when boys get denied the hugs, kisses, and loving physical contact that girls are allowed. Then they are forbidden to kiss, caress, or stay in the arms of their mothers \u2013 even as young as 6, 7, or 9.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">By the time that boy is a pre-teen, or a teen, he has already mastered denying his emotional and physical needs of love and intimacy. He puts on the \u201crough machine\u201d mask every morning and faces the world.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">By the time he is in his twenties or thirties, he no longer needs to put on the mask \u2013 the mask becomes him, and he becomes the mask.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">The worst part is yet to come!<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Girls grow up absorbing all of the above; hence, as they are growing up, they make fun of, shun, reject, and friend-zone any boy\/guy who is expressive, communicative, gentle, loving, and has no issues with crying.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">As for processing emotions, male and female brains truly work differently but it is not a Mars or Venus type of thing; it is more of a wide spectrum of different shades of masculinity and femininity that are available for both men and women \u2013 we all have masculine and feminine sides.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">One\u2019s position on the spectrum also changes over time; a woman can start off on the very feminine side, and over time and with experience, her masculine side takes over \u2013 thus leaving her in a different position on the spectrum.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">How important sharing emotions is in a relationship? Can the lack of it doom a relationship? \u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Ideally speaking, the answer to this question is: Yes, sharing emotions is crucial to the success of a relationship.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Realistically speaking, some women are not ready to deal with a man who could eloquently and elaborately express his feeling. They find him boring, womanly, and, in a way, less masculine.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Other women are starved for mutual communication of affection; they are deprived of deep meaningful conversations. These women suffer anxiety attacks, depression phases, and sexual frustration.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">The men and women in both types of relations mentioned above, are unhappy. They are a misfit. The only way to avoid such miserable relationships is to choose from the beginning the right partner. Choose the partner you feel connected to the most. Choose the level of communication and expression that you are both comfortable with. Choose the person that brings out the best in you.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">How to help a man show and express his emotions?<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">If a man is ever to let his guard down, take off his \u201crough machine\u201d mask, and express his emotions, he needs to feel secure and safe. This can never happen with a judgmental woman, in a relationship plagued with power struggles, or at a time when the man is not ready for reconnecting with his feminine side.<\/span><\/pre>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cBig boys don&#8217;t cry\u201d, \u201cTake it like a man\u201d We all grew up, men and women, believing that men are a feelingless gender. Boys are sissies if they show fear, pain or heaven forbid the most-taboo expression of all: crying! Men grow up aligning themselves with those norms in order to fit in. They fear if they show a more vulnerable side, it will over shadow their other masculine traits.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_eb_attr":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1,16],"tags":[1453,55],"class_list":["post-11708","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-articles","category-identity-magazine","tag-ask-marwa","tag-identity-magazine-2"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v28.5 (Yoast SEO v28.6) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Marwa Rakha | Ask Marwa: Big Boys Don&#039;t Cry<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"\u0645\u0648\u0642\u0639 \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627 \u064a\u0642\u062f\u0645 \u0644\u0643\u0645 \u062b\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0645\u0646 \u0627\u0644\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a \u0648\u0627\u0644\u0641\u064a\u062f\u064a\u0648\u0647\u0627\u062a \u0627\u0644\u0645\u062c\u0627\u0646\u064a\u0629 \u0639\u0646 \u062a\u0631\u0628\u064a\u0629 \u0627\u0644\u0627\u0637\u0641\u0627\u0644 \u0648\u0641\u0644\u0633\u0641\u0629 \u0627\u0644\u0645\u0648\u0646\u062a\u064a\u0633\u0648\u0631\u064a \u0648\u0627\u0644\u0639\u0644\u0627\u0642\u0627\u062a \u0627\u0644\u0639\u0627\u0637\u0641\u064a\u0629 \u0648\u0627\u0644\u062d\u064a\u0627\u0629 \u0627\u0644\u0635\u062d\u064a\u0629.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, 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\u0645\u0627\u0631\u064a\u0627 \u0645\u0648\u0646\u062a\u064a\u0633\u0648\u0631\u064a\u201d \u0639\u0646 \u0627\u0644\u0637\u0641\u0644 \u0648\u0627\u0644\u0628\u064a\u0626\u0629 \u0627\u0644\u063a\u0646\u064a\u0629 \u0627\u0644\u062a\u064a \u064a\u062d\u062a\u0627\u062c\u0647\u0627 \u0644\u064a\u0646\u0645\u0648 \u0648\u064a\u0632\u062f\u0647\u0631. \u062a\u0644\u062a \u0627\u0644\u0642\u0631\u0627\u0621\u0629 \u0627\u0644\u062d\u0631\u0629 \u062f\u0631\u0627\u0633\u0629 \u0645\u062a\u0639\u0645\u0642\u0629 \u0644\u0644\u0641\u0644\u0633\u0641\u0629 \u0648\u0627\u0644\u0645\u0646\u0647\u062c \u0645\u0639 \u0645\u0631\u0643\u0632 \u201c\u0623\u0645\u0631\u064a\u0643\u0627 \u0627\u0644\u0634\u0645\u0627\u0644\u064a\u0629 \u0644\u0644\u0645\u0648\u0646\u062a\u064a\u0633\u0648\u0631\u064a\u201d\u060cNorth American Montessori 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The way boys are brought up in our culture neither promotes independence nor security. Most of the problems you faced in your previous relationships are the outcome\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"1415154_628480540547273_1671693103_o","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/1415154_628480540547273_1671693103_o-212x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":6913,"url":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=6913","url_meta":{"origin":11708,"position":1},"title":"Ask Marwa: My BF would rather spend NYE with his friends!","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"December 9, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Yes, you should be worried! You should not be worried because the two of you will not spend New Year\u2019s Eve together but here is a list of the things you should be worried about:","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"10387038_821329697929022_5756298499970077919_o","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/10387038_821329697929022_5756298499970077919_o-212x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":11710,"url":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=11710","url_meta":{"origin":11708,"position":2},"title":"Ask Marwa: Going into a Relationship with Baggage","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"May 1, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"A person who is incapable of falling in love needs therapy. No one else can help that person, other than a professional therapist. The traumas are usually on a deeper level than anyone could reach, and changing beliefs and thoughts is a very long journey. Most of the time, that\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-May-2019.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-May-2019.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-May-2019.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-May-2019.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-May-2019.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-May-2019.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":11665,"url":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=11665","url_meta":{"origin":11708,"position":3},"title":"Ask Marwa: Eager to Marry Him","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"July 1, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"My final advice to you is to ignore the \u201cseasons\u201d. This is just another means of societal pressure. Personally, I don\u2019t think that summer is a good time for weddings or marriage. Autumn is cooler and more romantic. Getting married and choosing to have kids are two major decisions in\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-July-2017.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-July-2017.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-July-2017.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":11706,"url":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=11706","url_meta":{"origin":11708,"position":4},"title":"Ask Marwa: When A Woman Earns More Than Her Man","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"March 1, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"There is no guaranteed way to ensure that this relationship would work. Deep down, in the depths of the human psyche, things are always brewing. The woman resenting the man and feeling that he is a burden, the man resenting the woman for making him feel less-of-a-man, or the woman\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-March-2019.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-March-2019.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-March-2019.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-March-2019.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-March-2019.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":6855,"url":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=6855","url_meta":{"origin":11708,"position":5},"title":"Ask Marwa: Love Triangle?","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"October 18, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"A monogamous relationship between a man and a woman is the most common form but it is not the only option. Some men are capable of being in love with more that woman and if he gets married to more than one, then this is called bigamy. There is also\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"10703992_795921153803210_4214994244259464667_n","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/10703992_795921153803210_4214994244259464667_n-212x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/peGN7P-32Q","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11708","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11708"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11708\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11709,"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11708\/revisions\/11709"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11708"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11708"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11708"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}