{"id":11718,"date":"2019-10-01T02:35:41","date_gmt":"2019-10-01T00:35:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=11718"},"modified":"2023-03-18T02:38:23","modified_gmt":"2023-03-18T00:38:23","slug":"ask-marwa-choosing-the-wrong-guys-over-and-over-again","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=11718","title":{"rendered":"Ask Marwa: Choosing the Wrong Guys Over and Over Again"},"content":{"rendered":"<pre><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-Oct-2019.jpg?ssl=1\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"11640\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?attachment_id=11640\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-Oct-2019.jpg?fit=1425%2C2015&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"1425,2015\" data-comments-opened=\"0\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"Identity Magazine &amp;#8211; Marwa Rakha &amp;#8211; Oct 2019\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-Oct-2019.jpg?fit=724%2C1024&amp;ssl=1\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-11640\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-Oct-2019.jpg?resize=800%2C1131&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"1131\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-Oct-2019.jpg?w=1425&amp;ssl=1 1425w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-Oct-2019.jpg?resize=212%2C300&amp;ssl=1 212w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-Oct-2019.jpg?resize=724%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 724w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-Oct-2019.jpg?resize=768%2C1086&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-Oct-2019.jpg?resize=1086%2C1536&amp;ssl=1 1086w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\" \/><\/a>\r\n\u201cI\u2019ve done it again. I\u2019ve chosen the wrong person once again.\u201d\u00a0Does this sound at all familiar?\u00a0Do you keep falling into the same relationship rut? Do you keep choosing partners who have the same problem as every other partners you\u2019ve been? If your answer is yes, you\u2019re not alone. We humans are creatures of habit. We like routines and familiar behaviors, even when they disrupt and distress us, therefor many of us keep on choosing the wrong partner. In order to learn how to break the wheel and stop this pattern we reached out to our relationship expert Marwa Rakha to help us have a fresh start in relationships.\r\n\r\nIs it possible that someone engage in the same relationship pattern over and over with every new partner?\r\n\r\nIt is actually the norm, rather than the exception, that people tend to follow the same pattern when choosing a partner.\r\n\r\nTo simplify matters, one tends to say: \u201cthis is my type\u201d or \u201cthat is my style\u201d.\r\n\r\nThis pattern could be as superficial as choosing a man, or a woman, who look like your ex and the \u201cex\u201d before and the ones before.\r\n\r\nIt could also be as funny as choosing partners who share the same name! It could be as dangerous as falling for those who hurt you, or abuse you, in a similar way.\r\n\r\nWhy some of us get attracted to people who are wrong for them?\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">These patterns of choosing a partner are related to a person\u2019s childhood, teen years, and certain experiences. For example, a person whose needs for unconditional love and security were neglected as a child, is more likely to struggle in relationships than someone who grew up in a loving nurturing environment.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">The struggle is of a dual nature; that person has low self-esteem and deep-down feels that he\/she does not deserve to be happy and respected in a relationship. The other side of the dilemma is that although that person needs love and security, he\/she gets into relationships with people who only provide the exact opposite.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Childhood is not the only cause of choosing wrong partners. If a person in his\/her teen years got involved with an abusive partner, most likely, that person would continue choosing abusive partners in adulthood.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Incidents like rape or non-consensual sex, substance abuse, losing a parent early on, being a part of a traumatic divorce, teacher-student affairs, and similar impactful incidents, shape a person\u2019s views of himself\/herself; thus, impacting their future choices.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">How to break the pattern and start looking for someone who is right for you?<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">The best way to break the cycle is to find out what is causing it. Sometimes the cause is easy to find; for example, having sex with a teacher or an older relative in your early teens.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">But most times, the root causes are deep within a person\u2019s black box. That is why therapy and self-help books are a good place to start. If a man, has been neglected by his mother as a child, and his soul is aching for love and acceptance, instead of getting attracted to women who make him feel loved and accepted, he gets attracted to those who make him feel the pain he used to feel as an infant and a child when his mother rejected him. How can you convince that man that he deserves love and that he needs to stay away from women who ignore him?<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">How can you convince a woman that her current boyfriend is emotionally, or\/and sexually, blackmailing her? If that is the only type of love she has experienced as a child and as a teen, how can she recognize that this is not how a loving relationship should be like?<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">How can you stop a woman from constantly dating married men who are as old as her father? How can you stop a man from only getting attracted to single mothers?<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Most of the time, the \u201cright\u201d type of partner is right in front of you, but because of the way you perceive others, and think about yourself, you do not allow yourself to love and be loved by that person. Most of the time, the right person is friend-zoned! In other times, not as rare as one would hope, that right person is the person you abuse! Yes! It is only natural that the \u201cabused\u201d becomes an \u201cabuser\u201d!<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Having said that, all of that, let me remind you that we are all human and that our experiences shape who we are and how to interact with others. We have all played different roles in relationships; abusers, victims, and saviors! We have all followed wrong patterns, and that does not mean that we have to continue following those patterns.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">It is not easy at all! It would take years of sessions and cognitive behavior therapy to heal our childhood gaping wounds, and to change our self-image and self-worth. This is the only way one would stop choosing the same type of hurtful relationships.<\/span><\/pre>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It is not easy at all! It would take years of sessions and cognitive behavior therapy to heal our childhood gaping wounds, and to change our self-image and self-worth. This is the only way one would stop choosing the same type of hurtful relationships.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_eb_attr":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1,16],"tags":[1453,55],"class_list":["post-11718","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-articles","category-identity-magazine","tag-ask-marwa","tag-identity-magazine-2"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- 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To reach that level of awareness, a person needs to know and confront their infancy and childhood traumas, try to forgive their caregivers, and work on building new positive affirmations.","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-Dec-2019.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-Dec-2019.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-Dec-2019.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-Dec-2019.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-Dec-2019.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-Dec-2019.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":11663,"url":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=11663","url_meta":{"origin":11718,"position":1},"title":"Ask Marwa: Can I have a Summer Fling?","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"June 1, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"I feel like I want to go out, have fun and get a summer fling if I can. Does that mean that I should break up with him? 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I am hurting","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"November 28, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"I know my problem will sound weird to most people but I wish you could understand me. I was in a long-term relationship and it ended. I ended it. I had to end it. Most of your articles that deal with heartache talk to the partner who was dumped and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/pain_1-fin.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":6706,"url":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=6706","url_meta":{"origin":11718,"position":3},"title":"Ask Marwa: I can&#8217;t stop thinking about my fling guy","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"June 2, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"I felt alive! My fling asked me to be with him but I couldn\u2019t since I was still in love with my partner. My partner and I got back together and it seemed the right thing to do. 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Others have an innate need\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"Identity Magazine August 2013","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/Identity-Magazine-August-2013-212x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/peGN7P-330","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11718","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11718"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11718\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11719,"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11718\/revisions\/11719"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11718"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11718"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11718"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}