{"id":11730,"date":"2020-10-01T02:54:26","date_gmt":"2020-10-01T00:54:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=11730"},"modified":"2023-03-18T02:56:46","modified_gmt":"2023-03-18T00:56:46","slug":"ask-marwa-15-tips-to-re-ignite-the-fire-in-a-long-term-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=11730","title":{"rendered":"Ask Marwa: 15 tips to re-ignite the fire in a long-term relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-October-2020.jpg?ssl=1\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"11648\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?attachment_id=11648\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-October-2020.jpg?fit=1276%2C1789&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"1276,1789\" data-comments-opened=\"0\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"Identity Magazine &amp;#8211; Marwa Rakha &amp;#8211; October 2020\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-October-2020.jpg?fit=730%2C1024&amp;ssl=1\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-11648\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-October-2020.jpg?resize=800%2C1122&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" width=\"800\" height=\"1122\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-October-2020.jpg?w=1276&amp;ssl=1 1276w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-October-2020.jpg?resize=214%2C300&amp;ssl=1 214w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-October-2020.jpg?resize=730%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 730w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-October-2020.jpg?resize=768%2C1077&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-October-2020.jpg?resize=1096%2C1536&amp;ssl=1 1096w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\" \/><\/a>\r\n15 tips to re-ignite the fire in a long-term relationship<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Are long-term relationships synonymous with boring or dead relationships? The way people use \u201clong-term relationship\u201d in a conversation implies that they are tired, consumed, deserve a break, or even justify a fling or a full-fledged affair.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">I googled: \u201chow long is a long-term relationship?\u201d I wanted to know what people consider \u201clong-term\u201d. I was shocked! The first answer was above two year! Two! Yes! Two! I scrolled down a few more responses and found \u201cten years\u201d. Is that how people nowadays define long-term relationships?<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Is that the average longevity of a marriage, for example? Can we say that people expect a marriage to last anything between 2 and 10 years \u2013 but that is it? What about those couples who last 15, 20, 30, and 40 years together? How do they do it? What about those who aspire to fulfill the \u201cUntil Death Do Us Apart\u201d promise \u2013 how does it work?<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">For starters, I am no expert on long-term relationships in the traditional sense; thus, my rant below is a mixture of observations, logical thinking, wishful thinking, and readings. Let us first agree that whether we are discussing long-term or short-term relationships, no relationship would last without the continuous work and effort of both partners. No one can ignite, or re-ignite, fire in a relationship single-handedly.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">The forces that are working for you, as someone who has been in \u2013 and survived \u2013 a long-term relationship, are: many happy moments, losses, traumas, fights, make-overs, decisions to be taken, and tests and trials. There are the benefits of the aging signs on both your faces and bodies, truly knowing one another, common friends, mutual interests, and a solid motivation to stay together no matter what.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">The forces that are working against you are: knowing too much about one another, the loss of the \u201cspark\u201d and connection, too many frustrations and grudges, boredom, living in separate worlds \u2013 figuratively or literally \u2013 and giving in to the status quo. Many people escape the pains of a long-term relationships by indulging; there are those who indulge in business, partying, gaming, friends and gangs, or flings and exploring new territory.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Avoidance and denial are good strategies when dealing with certain conflicts, but in a marriage, these are the worst strategies. I am about to write down a few ideas to save the long-term ship from floundering but be warned: it takes two to tango! It takes two to re-ignite the fire! None of this advice will work if you try them without the full involvement and commitment of your partner.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Write down and exchange<\/span><\/pre>\n<ul>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">a list of the times that you would not have made it through without the love and support of your partner.<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">a list of the funny situations that you shared.<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">a list of the embarrassing situations that you can laugh about today.<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">a list of the surprises he\/she made for you.<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">a list of the times you got lost on the road and laugh about them.<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">a list of the things you still want to do together.<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">a list of the things that make your partner special.<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">a list of the places you went to together and had a great time.<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">new vows and choose the perfect moment to exchange them.<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">the things that you plan on changing about yourself because you know that they annoy your partner.<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">the things you will continue doing, even if they are exhausting, because they make your partner happy.<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">the reason you decided to get married and make sure it is still there.<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">an adventure that you would like to try exploring with your partner.<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">a list of the things, good things, you wish upon your partner.<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">a letter of appreciation and gratitude addressed to yourself.<\/span><\/pre>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<pre><span style=\"color: #008000;\">If you and your partner decide to work on refreshing your long-term relationship, make two copies of my tips and take your time working on them. Please do take your time!<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">You do not need to exchange your lists all on the same day; you can go as slow as one list per week. Please do not email the lists and do not send them by text messages or voice notes.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Choose a day that is quiet and slow. Choose a place that is private and comfortable. Put some effort in the setting: candles, dinner, music, or just your comfy sofa in the living room.<\/span>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #008000;\">Approach one another positively and remember to smile. Imagine that one day you will share your lists, letters, and vows with your children and grandchildren. Your journey together is admirable and rare nowadays. Be proud of your achievement, of yourself, and of your partner.<\/span><\/pre>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Is that the average longevity of a marriage, for example? Can we say that people expect a marriage to last anything between 2 and 10 years \u2013 but that is it? What about those couples who last 15, 20, 30, and 40 years together? How do they do it? What about those who aspire to fulfill the \u201cUntil Death Do Us Apart\u201d promise \u2013 how does it work?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_eb_attr":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1,16],"tags":[1453,55],"class_list":["post-11730","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-articles","category-identity-magazine","tag-ask-marwa","tag-identity-magazine-2"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- 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My life can be easily be defined as a series of bad relationships; I have this ability to always go for the worst possible option, lately though I\u2019m in this stable relationship with a person who respects and loves me. However, and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/419809_10150498849111856_701556855_9281591_38054212_n-210x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":177,"url":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=177","url_meta":{"origin":11730,"position":1},"title":"Ask Marwa: I left him! I am hurting","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"November 28, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"I know my problem will sound weird to most people but I wish you could understand me. I was in a long-term relationship and it ended. I ended it. I had to end it. Most of your articles that deal with heartache talk to the partner who was dumped and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/pain_1-fin.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":11665,"url":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=11665","url_meta":{"origin":11730,"position":2},"title":"Ask Marwa: Eager to Marry Him","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"July 1, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"My final advice to you is to ignore the \u201cseasons\u201d. This is just another means of societal pressure. Personally, I don\u2019t think that summer is a good time for weddings or marriage. Autumn is cooler and more romantic. Getting married and choosing to have kids are two major decisions in\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-July-2017.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-July-2017.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-July-2017.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":11667,"url":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=11667","url_meta":{"origin":11730,"position":3},"title":"Ask Marwa: Bored after 7 Years of Love","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"August 1, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"I have been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend for almost 7 years now, we\u2019ve literally grown up together. For a year now, I have been very bored with our relationship and I feel like I have lost my connection with him.","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-August-2017.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-August-2017.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-August-2017.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Identity-Magazine-Marwa-Rakha-August-2017.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":7893,"url":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=7893","url_meta":{"origin":11730,"position":4},"title":"Ask Marwa: Addicted to Summer Flings &#8230; Any Cure?","author":"Marwa Rakha - \u0645\u0631\u0648\u0629 \u0631\u062e\u0627","date":"September 27, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"My advice to you is: don\u2019t try to force yourself into a fake sense of readiness for stability and do not pretend to be someone that you are not. 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Others have an innate need\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Articles.\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0627\u062a","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"Identity Magazine August 2013","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/Identity-Magazine-August-2013-212x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/peGN7P-33c","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11730","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11730"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11730\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11731,"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11730\/revisions\/11731"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11730"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11730"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11730"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}