{"id":3769,"date":"2005-03-01T08:44:31","date_gmt":"2005-03-01T05:44:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/marwarakha.com\/wordpress\/?p=3769"},"modified":"2011-01-12T11:24:50","modified_gmt":"2011-01-12T09:24:50","slug":"hit-by-a-bus","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=3769","title":{"rendered":"Hit by a Bus"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-family:tahoma,geneva,sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size:14px;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/05\/Hit-by-a-bus.jpg?ssl=1\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"3980\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?attachment_id=3980\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/05\/Hit-by-a-bus.jpg?fit=2480%2C3508&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"2480,3508\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"Hit by a bus\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/05\/Hit-by-a-bus.jpg?fit=723%2C1024&amp;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-3980\" height=\"300\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/05\/Hit-by-a-bus-212x300.jpg?resize=212%2C300&#038;ssl=1\" title=\"Hit by a bus\" width=\"212\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/05\/Hit-by-a-bus.jpg?resize=212%2C300&amp;ssl=1 212w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/05\/Hit-by-a-bus.jpg?resize=723%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 723w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/05\/Hit-by-a-bus.jpg?w=1600&amp;ssl=1 1600w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/05\/Hit-by-a-bus.jpg?w=2400&amp;ssl=1 2400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 212px) 100vw, 212px\" \/><\/a><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"color:#ff0000;\">PUBLISHED IN EGYPT&#39;S (IN)SIGHT MAGAZINE IN MARCH 2005 &#8211; THIS WAS MY FIRST PUBLISHED ARTICLE!<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=1260\">LISTEN TO THE AUDIO<\/a>: TRACK 7 &#8211; HIT BY A BUS!<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family:tahoma,geneva,sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size:14px;\">I knew this feeling &#8230; the feeling deep down that the person on the other end of the relationship is slipping away. I knew it is over and I knew that the more I held on, the faster he would slip away and the worst I would get hurt!<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p>\n\t<span style=\"font-family:tahoma,geneva,sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size:14px;\">Getting over someone is hard &#8230; ending a relationship is hard &#8230; overcoming a crush is hard &#8230; letting go is hard &#8230; I wished it would just hurt a bit then go away &#8230; I wished it were as simple as that &#8230;<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family:tahoma,geneva,sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size:14px;\">Now that the hard part is over and I am now vomiting the toxic residues of a relationship that went sour &#8230; the leftovers of a guy who poisoned my life! I can look back and describe in details how each step felt.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family:tahoma,geneva,sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size:14px;\">At first I felt like I&#39;ve been hit by a bus &#8230; I did not want to get out of bed &#8230; I just sat there and hurt from inside &#8230; I could not reach into myself &#8211; where it hurts &#8211; to try to make it better &#8230; there were tears to go with the pain and sometimes I just went numb then I was struck by this sudden pain which made me drive like a maniac, shout for no good reason, and feel overwhelmed by anger at him, me and life.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family:tahoma,geneva,sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size:14px;\">I tried resisting but the more I resisted the more difficult it got. It was like pushing a rewind button that would start the cycle all over again.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family:tahoma,geneva,sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size:14px;\">Then the next natural urge was avoiding my friends &#8230; avoiding the people who would ask me, judge me, blame me, or remind me of the recurrent pattern of choosing the wrong guys. I also avoided those who would pity me, sympathize with me or make me feel weaker than I already am.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family:tahoma,geneva,sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size:14px;\">I tried to go out with strangers &#8230; just faces and voices to fill in the empty hole inside of me &#8230; but the more I did that the lonelier I felt &#8230; I was always out of place &#8230; I did not belong with them or with anyone else.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family:tahoma,geneva,sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size:14px;\">I also fell for the common mistake; I tried dating someone else &#8230; it either went totally wrong from the beginning as I tried to prove to myself, subconsciously, that I lost the only person who was fit to be the perfect match, or it was fun for a few days (novelty has its charm), then I lost interest all of a sudden &#8230; I was not motivated to, talk to, listen to, or go out with the &quot;cushion&quot; &#8211; yes that person&#39;s function was limited to absorbing the pain of falling from cloud nine!<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family:tahoma,geneva,sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size:14px;\">Memories hurt &#8230; unfulfilled wishes and dreams hurt &#8230; anger hurt &#8230; a wounded ego of a girl who believed she should have been worshipped hurt &#8230;<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family:tahoma,geneva,sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size:14px;\">The hole got deeper &#8230; the wound felt as if it would never heal &#8230; it was a vicious cycle that just drained me.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family:tahoma,geneva,sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size:14px;\">During that time I had urges to pick up the phone and call &#8230; to send an SMS &#8230; to see if all is well &#8230; to see if I was missed &#8230; to see if my presence ever made a difference. Deep down I wanted to give him another chance to say sorry but it was always another slap in the face!<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family:tahoma,geneva,sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size:14px;\">The peak periods were driving to, or back from, work, upon waking up, before going to bed, during meals, in the movies, in front of the TV regardless of what I am watching, before a date, on a date, after a date, with family, with old friends, with new friends, at work &#8230; I do not recall the rest of the times when I wanted to shoot myself!<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family:tahoma,geneva,sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size:14px;\">The amazing part is that once I&#39;ve hit rock bottom &#8230; there was no where to go but upwards &#8230; so bit by bit the pain loosened its firm grip on me &#8230; the crab that squeezed my heart with its clutches let go of what was left of it &#8230; the memories faded away &#8230; the vivid colors, sounds and scents seemed to have happened a long time ago &#8230; the isolation decreased &#8230; the loneliness became a friend &#8230; I enjoyed my own company again &#8230; the ground felt closer to my feet than to my head and I began to regain balance and interest in my old life and old friends.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Then the next natural urge was avoiding my friends &#8230; avoiding the people who would ask me, judge me, blame me, or remind me of the recurrent pattern of choosing the wrong guys. I also avoided those who would pity me, sympathize with me or make me feel weaker than I already am.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_eb_attr":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1,13],"tags":[1648,1515,1647,1514,56,1694,1513],"class_list":["post-3769","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-articles","category-insight-magazine","tag-breakups","tag-broken-heart","tag-did-you-just-get-dumped","tag-heartache","tag-insight-magazine-2","tag-letting-go","tag-moving-on"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- 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