{"id":630,"date":"2009-10-22T20:36:13","date_gmt":"2009-10-22T17:36:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/marwarakha.com\/wordpress\/?p=630"},"modified":"2010-07-03T20:46:54","modified_gmt":"2010-07-03T17:46:54","slug":"dear-man-i-love-you-but","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?p=630","title":{"rendered":"Dear MAN: I Love you BUT"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/Marwa-pillow-talk.jpg?ssl=1\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"631\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/marwarakha.com\/?attachment_id=631\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/Marwa-pillow-talk.jpg?fit=604%2C453&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"604,453\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"Marwa &amp;#8211; pillow talk\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/Marwa-pillow-talk.jpg?fit=604%2C453&amp;ssl=1\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/Marwa-pillow-talk-300x225.jpg?resize=300%2C225&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" title=\"Marwa - pillow talk\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-631\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/Marwa-pillow-talk.jpg?resize=300%2C225&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/marwarakha.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/Marwa-pillow-talk.jpg?w=604&amp;ssl=1 604w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family:tahoma,geneva,sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size:12px;\">Dear MAN (July 2008)<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family:tahoma,geneva,sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size:12px;\">With the power of my thoughts I summoned you<br \/>\n\tand with a blink I made you vanish.<\/p>\n<p>\tOn a dark trip your spirit shall wander<br \/>\n\tand as it gets darker you shall believe in me.<\/p>\n<p>\tUngrateful creature, I am your heaven and haven;&nbsp;<br \/>\n\tIngratitude is a sin, and sinners live an eternity in hell.<\/p>\n<p>\tIn mazes of confusion your spirit shall wander;&nbsp;<br \/>\n\tIn utter darkness demons of the past shall haunt you;&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\tOf happiness you are incapable<br \/>\n\tthen you shall dwell in misery and isolation.<\/p>\n<p>\tHave I not tried to befriend you?&nbsp;<br \/>\n\tHave I not held you and healed you?&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\tBut alas, you are just another ungrateful creature;&nbsp;<br \/>\n\tReside in darkness and dwell in fear.. I thee curse.<\/p>\n<p>\tKnow me or know me not&#8230; I am a collector;&nbsp;<br \/>\n\tfor when you were not looking,&nbsp;<br \/>\n\tin your core, I planted my seed.<\/p>\n<p>\tBefore you know it,&nbsp;<br \/>\n\tI shall grow in your soul<br \/>\n\tlike a leafy tree of a hundred years.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p mce_keep=\"true\">&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family:tahoma,geneva,sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size:12px;\">Dear MAN (July 2009)<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p mce_keep=\"true\">&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family:tahoma,geneva,sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size:12px;\">Before reading any further I want you to know that I forgive you; actually I was never angry enough at you to hold a grudge &#8230; not hurt enough to wish you ill or to send you bad thoughts. I do not hate you and I never did &#8230; I do not think I ever could.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p mce_keep=\"true\">&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family:tahoma,geneva,sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size:12px;\">You asked me if I have summoned you with the power of my mind again but I am not sure what summoned you; was it today when I was cooking bamia (Okra) and remembered you? Was it yesterday night when I remembered the contrast of your skin and mine and missed you? Was it last week when I bought an outdoor bed for the terrace and remembered how when we first met we used to watch the sunrise together? Was it when I bought flour, vanilla, and powder sugar and wanted to bake chocolate chip cookies for you? Was it when I opened a brand new bottle of your favorite perfume after I ran out of my current perfume? Was it when I ran last month into a writer&#39;s block and I had to re-live certain moments of &quot;us&quot; to get inspired? Is it when my hair grew longer and curlier and I realized that it has been forever since you saw it? &#8230;. I really don&#39;t know which one of those days managed to summon you.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p mce_keep=\"true\">&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family:tahoma,geneva,sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size:12px;\">I admit that I think of you a lot and I intentionally push the thoughts away because I made a conscious decision that we cannot be together. I understand why you do what you do to push me away and I understand why you are &quot;a jerk&quot; &#8211; using your words &#8211; and I blame you for none of it. Understanding the reasons is not enough to make this work; you need someone who can put up with it and I am not that person. I told you over and over what offsets my safety valve and you tried to change &#8211; I really believe you did &#8211; but then your nature took over and every time it is a worse breakup than the time before. It is no use trying again. I have a good head on top of my shoulders and I will not bang it against your wall again.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p mce_keep=\"true\">&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family:tahoma,geneva,sans-serif;\"><span style=\"font-size:12px;\">I love who I am when you are in my life; sexy, feminine, happy, glowing, and peaceful from within. But I hate the person that comes out when you are that jerk; nagging, insecure, angry, bitter, and &#8230; a cheater. I do not need you to reassure me that I am a good girl or for you to take back any insults. I know who I am and I am so in love with myself &#8230; I love myself enough to stay away from you &#8211; the spark that does not fade away no matter how much dirt you put on it &#8230; the man who inspired my best work over the past year. I love you but no thank you.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p mce_keep=\"true\">&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Before reading any further I want you to know that I forgive you; actually I was never angry enough at you to hold a grudge &#8230; not hurt enough to wish you ill or to send you bad thoughts. I do not hate you and I never did &#8230; I do not think I ever could.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_eb_attr":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1,17],"tags":[263,278,262],"class_list":["post-630","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-articles","category-what-women-want-magazine","tag-dear-man","tag-i-love-you-but","tag-what-women-want-magazine-2"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- 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