Ask Marwa: How do I know that he is THE ONE?

Date posted: June 23, 2009


How do I know that he is THE ONE? We have been dating for a year and I heard you talk about uncertainty; I feel uncertain. He wants to propose and I wonder if there is someone out there who is better for me.
H

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Dear H

Before I give you some clues that he is THE ONE, let me ask you first why do you feel uncertain? Uncertainty happens in the beginning of the relationship when you still feel the need to explore other options. But if you have been dating for a year and you still feel uncertain, this means that you are not totally convinced. What is it about him that you do not approve of? What is it about this relationship that is alarming you? I want you to review how close, or how far apart, are your belief systems, values, ethics, priorities in life, goals and purpose, and expectations. Those are points you cannot compromise upon. Do not expect to have an identical code of ethics for example, but at least you should be on the same page.

As for your question, if he is THE ONE you should NOT

? Feel inhibited in his presence
? Censor your thought before speaking up
? Hide your intentions regarding any matter of your present or future
? Feel lack of interest in spending every waking moment with him
? Lie or fake anything when it comes to who you are
? Be crying most of the time
? Prefer the company of your friends to his company
? Flirt with anyone online or offline
? Feel that you do not care about your apartment, your wedding, or your future
? Insist on separate bedrooms
? Try to change him
? Disrespect him in his presence or absence

If he is THE ONE you should

? Feel radiant and glowing most of the time
? Feel at ease in his company
? Feel comfortable around his family
? Enjoy his silly stories
? Agree on how to bring up kids
? Agree on how to spend money
? Have at least 3 common interests
? Have at least 5 things you want him to teach your kids
? Find at least 5 special things about him – which you did not find in any other man
? See his flaws and accept him for who he is
? Be his best friend and he should be yours
? Like holding his hand in public
? Feel that he is pushing you forward in whatever direction you chose
? Are sure that you can depend on him and that he will always be there
? Smile every time you see him

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