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Why does he want to have sex with me if he does not love me?

Date posted: June 17, 2010


 

 

hi marwa

i have a problem and i really need ur help . my problem is that i have a friend 

i knew him through friends but anyway we started talking like friends and our relationship started getting closer and closer everyday actually he told me about one girl that he really liked and he was going to marry her but for some reason her father denied him because he didnt like his father or something but he told me that he really loves her and he even mentioned that he wont marry anyone because he still in love with her.

anyway when our relationship started getting closer he actually started talking about sex at first we were kidding or maybe i was kidding but i realized later that he wasnt kidding.

by the way i forgot to tell you that i liked him and i even told him that i kind like him because he is a good guy and all of that and when i told him he told me am sorry but i'm hurt because of the girl that he likes and he also said if he wasnt hurt he would come and tell me that he loves me anyway he actually started talking with me about sex after i told him that i liked his personality

so one day he told me that he really wants to have sex with me and i was shocked and i even asked him do u like me and he said no so i was confused i didnt know how would he have sex with someone that he doesnt even like or he doesnt even have any feeling to

so he said no i dont like u but i just feel like i wanna have sex with u not anyone else and he didnt know why me why did he feel this way with me not with anyone else. anyway now i really like him and he still keep talking about having sex with me and i cant stop him because i really like him

but yesterday i got to the point that i really cant do this anymore and i need to stop him and i told him that he needs to stop, the reason why i told him that he needs to stop is that i didnt feel right, i couldnt imagine him having sex with me and he is actually in love with someone else …..i really like him sooo much i like him more everyday and it hurts soo bad that i know he wont be mine i really dont know what to do i know its complicated but i hope u understand how i feel and that i cant even picture anyone else touching me but him i feel like my life just stopped……. please help me

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You did the right thing hun

First … you were asking how can he have sex with you if he does not have feelings for you

Well, lust and love do not have to go hand in hand .. ideally speaking you have physical feelings towards someone you love and the sex is an expression of those feelings

But this is not always the case … sometimes people have sex just because they want to have sex … it is pure lust.

There are also times when people have sex to forget pain … and this might be the case with him. He is aching because of the girl he was in a relationship with and now sex is a pain killer … something to get his mind off the pain of losing the girl he loves.

As for you, you can stay in this "friendship" and get more attached and you will eventually get hurt really bad.

Or you can walk away until your feelings reside and then you can be friends.

Now … you are hurting yourself and you might end up having sex with him in a desperate attempt to make him love you – and of course this will never happen.

I just want you to know that you cannot bribe a person into loving you – not by money, not by luxury, not by sex, not by attention, not by compromises … you just can't do that. If a person does not love you then this is a fact you have to deal with.

I am also not saying that he is bad .. at least he was honest with you .. he could have lied about how he feels about you and used you for sex.

Leaving him hurts
Being with him hurts

Find out which one hurts less and do it.

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