A 19 year old mess! Sex, Alcohol, Drugs, and more

Date posted: February 1, 2010


hey Marwa

i am 19

i sent u a msg on facebook  2 yrs ago, and i asked u to send me ur mob. no. and u did. i called u and i told my story.
briefly i said that my father died when i was 15 then started the problems with my mom as she is very tough. she used to punish me and beat me because of nothing. she thought that i need a psychiatric treatment.  i used to go to a psychiatric. in that time i was in a relationship with some1 and we were having sex,and i started smoking.
when she knew she took me to a psychiatric hospital. i spent there 4 days… but nothing changed. she became worse and worse.

Now….
i am like a bitch, i have sex with any1 without love, i became a heavy smoker, i started taking drugs and dirink alcoholics but i am not addicted.
all my friends who i know now are worse than me.

lately my mom realized that she needs psychiatric treatment, and she started it. she began to treat me well and began to show me her love.

i want to stop all of that, but i don’t know how to start 
do i have to get back to the psychiatric treatment ? or i can do it by myself ?

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I am glad that your mom is finally getting help
I am just sad that it took her 19 years of damaging you to do it.
You have crossed so many red lines and you need to rebuild your character from scratch .. the way you lead your life has damaged your self esteem, your faith in people, your priorities, your soul, and your sense of judgment.
You no longer know what is right and what is wrong. All the lines are blurred. You do not even know what you want or who you are.
I am a strong believer in our inner strength as human beings. We were created with a lot of power, strength, and energy. We can do anything we want once we put our minds to it.
But to release that strength you need determination, a strong will, focus, perseverance, discipline, and a clear vision of who you want to be after you “redesign” your character.
I want you to think of yourself as a sculptor … a talented sculptor who is creating a masterpiece from a pile of mud.
You will eventually relapse into your old life and the only thing that will get you out of the rut is that image of your new self … that person you aspire to be … this is the only thing that will give you the strength to go on.
You need to be strong enough to turn the page on all your friends, all your contacts, all your exes, all your current habits, all your beliefs, and all the past.
You must replace them with new activities or else you will not be strong enough to maintain the new life.
The old friends need to be replaced with mew people who have a positive influence … not people who will be condescending and patronizing .. people who love you as you are, and who will continue to love you after you become the new you.
The men in your life need to go away .. and you need to replace sex by sports.
You will need intimacy … remember that those men never gave you intimacy … remember that every time you had sex you felt empty from the inside … look for intimacy in the eyes of those who can give you unconditional love …. orphans .. the poor .. the needy … people who will not see your scars.
Current habits need to be replaced by new habits … smoking, alcohol, drugs, need to be replaced by long walks, healthy food, and hobbies … any hobby .. do yoga
As for beliefs … you need to re-examine your thoughts and ideas and decide which ones to adopt and which ones to toss away. Think … analyze … question everything you say or do.

This is a very long process … I hope you can find the power to do the change on your own … if not … seek help .. it is ok to seek help … still .. you will be responsible for changing your life .. no one can do it for you.

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