Up-close and personal with Mr. BIG

Date posted: October 1, 2005


Before I start my story with "Mr. Big", I would like to draw a simple, yet clear, profile of such a mind-blowing character…. "Mr. Big" … I am sure you've come across a "Mr. Big" at least once in your life.

He walks in a room with his head stuck up; his big smile covers layers of confidence alternating with other layers of high self-esteem. He is known for daring eye contact and can mesmerize you with a naughty gaze before you even mention your name to him. He has the air of a Jane Austin aristocratic hero and his words, jokes and stories will make your hand-watch obsolete.

Wait … hold your horses … take a second look! "Mr. Big's" big ego is big enough to swallow you, your pride and your dreams of a happily ever after ending with this charmer. Your slow walking slow talking hero will walk you to the verge of insanity and will talk you into changing your car, your look, your house, your friends, and he might go as far as your mother, father, brothers and sisters. He is ready to whip you with sarcasm and nothing, absolutely nothing, will stop him but a knife in his heart or a plate in his face.

"Mr. Big" will smash your big toe under his big foot and your big love will be expelled in seconds out of his big heart. He will wear his big black suit, put on his big black sunglasses, get in his big black car and will leave you to suffer alone in a big black hole after he has made his big exit.

So back to me and my story with "Mr. Big". We met … chemistry was there … interest was there and it was time to get a bit up-close and personal … I got out of bed, brushed off my laziness and jumpstarted my mind to prepare myself for the first real date with Mr. Big.

We met, we sat, we ate, we talked, we laughed and then we got really comfortable with the conversation:

Me: Now that I have talked enough about me and my stories, tell me about the girls you sent home with a flee in their ear.

Mr. Big: (Trying to adopt a humble tone) Oh they are so many … I have dated half of the girls in Egypt and they are just not what I am looking for. You see I am not looking for a perfect girl; I am just looking for the perfect match.

Me: (Trying not to look worried about my future) So what went wrong?

Mr. Big: Well, there was this girl who was perfectly attuned to me; she knew when to call, when to back off, when to listen, when to talk BUT she had a temper issue; she could not control her temper when I lost mine.

To myself: You are lucky I am in a good mood today or I would have introduced YOU to MY temper problem. Then I managed to conjure a smile and in a peaceful tone I asked Mr. Big to continue, of course after agreeing with him, saying that she should have learned to absorb his mood swings and abrupt temper outbursts.

Mr. Big: There was another girl who was such a party pooper. She was smart, career-oriented, understood me but she always managed to spoil our happy moments. She was so jealous of any girl I talked to. I know I flirt and she knows I flirt but I am with her … why does she let jealousy take over?

He really looked oblivious to the reasons of her jealousy; I almost sympathized with him!

Me: Oh it must be her insecurities taking over. Ok enough about those poor unfortunate girls, tell me about the girls who said no.

Mr. Big: I do not understand

Me: (Trying to talk slower than usual) you know, we all have had our share of rejection … So maybe you liked a girl and she was not interested, or maybe you went out a few times then she lost interest … you know the same old story (Now the smile was struggling on my face)

Mr. Big: None

Me: None what?

Mr. Big: No girl ever said no to me. I was never turned down by a girl. No girl who knew me lost interest; as long as I am interested I will keep her interested, but if I lose interest she might have a chance to lose interest too, but usually she is too hooked up to break free.

(Now I am really suffering. Mr. Bigs' words darted through my ears into my heart – I was intimidated for a minute there then I gathered some courage and asked him to give me a real life scenario)

Mr. Big: When I walk in a place and a girl captures my attention, I do not approach her directly, I do not ask a friend to introduce me, I do not try to find out who she is or how to reach her; I wait till she comes to me, till she shows interest and once we are past this step, I know how to get her attention. Every girl has an approach and I know exactly how to approach each girl. I could be a gentleman, aggressive, serious, fun … I could be anybody. I really know how to treat girls and when a girl is mine I make her my queen.

Me: (Yeah sure) … ok so tell me then what makes you think that no girl will say no to you … no I am not interested or no I lost interest? (I am going to nail him now)

Mr. Big: I am very self-confident. I know who I am, who my family is, I have an impressive career plus I am smart, witty, fun and handsome (Mr. Big explained with a reassuring giggle)

Jenny: (God, what have I gotten myself into?) Ok … I see your point. So Mr. Perfect, what are you looking for in your perfect match?

Mr. Big: (With the look of a little boy who is looking forward to the next visit to the candy store) A girl with brains, who knows what she wants out of life, who has a life, who has a career, who has an opinion, who is responsible yet dependent on me, who is feminine but not vulnerable, who knows when to come close and when to give me space, who is fun, loving and caring, who is decent, respectable and presentable, who is not clingy, insecure or sticky, who is herself and is not fake.

(Here I smiled and thought that the guy is not asking for much, then I was summoned back to earth when Mr. Big continued)

Mr. Big: This is not all of course, this is the core but there are other things that make the girl win or lose points: there is the family, the upbringing, the education, the hobbies, the interests, her choice of friends, her attitude in public and her social status.

(Then Mr. Big turned to me all of a sudden and asked me about what I am looking for in a man. I was lost in my thoughts; I only want a man who would let me be me; accept me as I am and love me for who I am. )

Me: Definitely not a big ego coated in big words and hung up on a big attitude.

(As those words came out of my mouth, a mental picture of my mom blinded me from seeing Mr. Big's reaction to my words. I literally heard my mom say: "Oops… you did it again!")

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