Dear MAN … I left you
Date posted: September 3, 2008
A fond farewell is due
for I am leaving you.
This time I know it is not about my temper
or my flighty untamable nature.
I know I was good;
I was caring and loving.
I fought my demons;
but a real man you were not.
Instead of the knight in shining armor,
just another jockey I got.
Here I am and there you are,
miles and miles of feelings apart.
I no longer dwell in your heart,
and you no longer have a place in mine.
How funny! How ironic! When we first met I was certain that I have finally found my match. You were my equal. I was swept off my feet by your penetrating gaze and mesmerizing smile. I wanted to fly off the highest tower and land safely in your arms. It was as though I have been in love with you for all my life. I remember how my heart pounded every time I heard your voice. The woman that I am finally hugged the little girl trapped within me. We both greeted you hand in hand. I reached a point when I craved the scent of the palm of your hand and just the echo of your voice put a smile on my face. Time stopped! I had you. The past no longer hurt and the future no longer mattered; I knew then that I belonged with you. I was happy but you made me happier.
Then like a cursed princess who was doomed to fall, I realized that you were an illusion. I fell in love with a man who just looked like my long awaited prince-charming. Like everyone else you rejected me for who I am and for what I stood for. Like all the other frogs that I have kissed, you woke me up from my cinnamon-scented dream. We would meet and I would feel that it would be our last time. We would talk and I would feel that tomorrow we will run out of words. In a twisted way we would tango to an unspoken melody; you would pull me closer only to push me away until one night, I broke free. I let go of your hand. I am relieved.
Yes. I am breathing again. I loved you but I love myself more. My heart is sealed for I could never let you chip away from my happiness. I could not allow you to destroy the edifice inside of me. It was as though I scared you. My screen-less eyes showed more than you were willing to handle. There was a time when you brought out the best in me. My eyes sparkled with love, my smile radiated warmth, and I had the air of a very happy and satisfied woman. Then came a time when my youth seemed to wither and my spirit sank in depths of abandonment. I had to let go of your hand. You were pulling me down. You dragged me behind. You are not what I need. Goodbye.
Dear MAN … my dear MAN …
Deep into your beautiful eyes I look;
I see nothing.
Between your poised words I listen;
I hear nothing.
Through your sculptured face I gaze;
There is nothing.
You look at my defeated face;
You see nothing.
You hear my hollow words;
You say nothing.
You reach out to me;
But alas! You mean nothing.
Like a big transparent ball,
You are made of nothing.
Like a wooden plaque on a wall,
You reflect nothing.
Like a Greek statue in my hall,
You feel nothing.
In the circle of nothingness we met,
Talked for hours about nothing I bet,
Have I not told you? Nothing will nothing beget.