Ask Marwa: My BF is a puppy who shits on the carpet!
Date posted: July 10, 2013
Published in Identity Magazine in July 2013
I’ll get straight to the point. My boyfriend loves flirting with other girls. He only does that through texts and social networks though. But it’s still considered cheating. Every time he gets caught I leave him, then suddenly he is willing to do anything possible just to get me to forgive him. I’m not a weak person, nor my life revolves around him, I could leave him if I wanted to. But someone told me that your boyfriend is like a new puppy; when he shits on the carpet, you will hit him, punish him, teach him the right thing to do, then eventually let it go and he will be taught a lesson. Is that true? Should I do that? Is it worth the effort? Or should I just let him go and move on?
Dear girlfriend of a puppy
Men flirt! It is in their genetic composition!
Women also flirt … we all love the attention and the thrill!
Decent people realize the difference between innocent flirting and ill-intentioned flirting. Committed people know when to draw the line before things get out of hand. So let's agree that everyone has the tendency to flirt and most of us flirt within limits. Your boyfriend flirts online and nothing develops beyond the screen. He loves you and is going to get married to you.
You need to discuss with him maturely the nature of his flirting instead of back lashing him every time he gets caught. Ask him why he flirts, why he needs to flirt, what he feels when he flirts, and how far is he willing to take his flirting. Make sure that his flirting is not a reflection of something lacking in your relationship and agree with him on the red lines.
If you cannot accept his attitude altogether, and if you are not willing to admit that flirting is part of human nature, then let go of him and move on to a new relationship with more solid rules.
The "puppy" theory is horrible! This is the worst thing I have heard of with regards to dealing with men! Your boyfriend is a human being not a puppy! He is an adult who has free will not a dog who could be potty-trained! Thinking of your partner in such a demeaning way will jeopardize other aspects of your relationship; mutual respect, communication, and acceptance are just a few of the pillars that you just tore down. A puppy is stuck with you and is obliged to obey you but a man is not! If you continue your reward and punish technique with him, he will just leave you! Who wants to be in a relationship with a dog-trainer?