Ask Marwa: Runaway Bride

Dear Marwa,

 My wedding is in one month, but now that it is getting closer I am starting to feel like I am not going through with it for the right reasons. All my life I've dreamed about being a bride and having the perfect wedding that all my friends would envy me for. I think I am only marrying my future husband to finally achieve that. If you ask me if I would have the wedding without him, I would most definitely say yes! I don't know what I want to do anymore. On one hand I am finally getting my dream wedding, on the other hand, I feel like I am doing it for the wrong reasons. What do you think? Should I go through with the wedding? I always thought I loved my boyfriend. Was I wrong? Was I more in love with the idea of getting married and having a wedding than him? What should I do?


Dear Bride

There are several ways to respond to your message; one would be to advise you to postpone the wedding and reconsider the whole marriage, two would be to ask you and your fiancée to visit a counsellor to assess your relationship and compatibility, and three would be to ask you to proceed with the marriage and hope for the best. I would not ask you to call off your wedding, I would not mind it if you two agreed to see a therapist, but unlike my usual cautious approach to relationship questions, I will opt for the third option! I will ask you to have your dream wedding after quickly thinking about these pointers.

You might be getting married for the wrong reasons but this does not mean that you are getting married to the wrong man for you.

There are many things that would make this man an ill-fitting husband, but these are the major things that would ruin your marriage. If the answer to most of these questions is yes, then, as you proceed with the wedding arrangements, rest assured that you will get a divorce sooner than later.

• Do you feel inhibited in his presence?

• Does he censor your thoughts before speaking up?

• Do you hide your intentions regarding any matter of your present or future?

• Do you feel uninterested in his company?

• Do you lie or fake anything when it comes to who you are?
  
  Do you find yourself crying most of the time?

• Do you prefer the company of your friends to his company?

• Do you flirt with anyone online or offline?

• Do you feel that you do not care about your future with him?

• Do you insist on separate bedrooms?
  
  Do you try to change him?

• Do you disrespect him in his presence or absence?

• Do you feel that you are not respected?

• Do you feel disgusted or repulsed by the thought of being intimate with him? Does he turn you off?

On the other hand, if you have great karma and you are lucky enough to have a perfect wedding and a stable marriage, you should feel radiant and glowing most of the time, feel at ease in his company, feel comfortable around his family, enjoy his silly stories, talk about having kids, agree on how to bring them up, agree on how to spend money, have at least three common interests, have at least five things you want him to teach your kids, find at least five special things about him – which you did not find in any other man, see his flaws and accept him for who he is, be his best friend and he should be yours, like holding his hand in public, feel that he is pushing you forward in whatever direction you choose, are sure that you can depend on him and that he will always be there, and you smile every time you see him or when he crosses your mind.

Successful marriages are about respect, communication, and trust. If you have such a relationship with your man, then I assure you that you can have your cake and eat it; you can have your dream wedding and enjoy a peaceful marriage.