Ask Marwa: Bored after 7 Years of Love

Dear Marwa,

I have been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend for almost 7 years now, we’ve literally grown up together. For a year now, I have been very bored with our relationship and I feel like I have lost my connection with him. I sometimes feel it’s over, but the only thing stopping me is that he recently tells me that he knows I am a bit distant, and does his best to change things or connect with me in other words .I know that he’s been doing a lot of effort, but something inside me is missing and I don’t want to break his heart, for I literally spent a lot of years with this person and love him but maybe not enough!

Dear bored-in-a-relationship

Anyone in a long-term relationship is bound to get bored; married people get bored, those who are engaged for a long time get bored, those who date for what seems like an eternity get bored. My point is: we all get bored when nothing is going on. Too much stability, comfort, and convenience, are not good for any relationship. 

A relationship also hits stagnation when it does not move forward; you guys need to always be busy doing something together. Some people, get busy planning their engagement, buying furniture, decorating, planning for the wedding, looking into honeymoon destinations. Others are great at creating dreams together; saving street children, educating villagers, rescuing street animals, creating comics, ... etc.

There are also those who start a business together and those who have kids together. There are couples who plan vacations, weekend activities, and special occasions together. As long as you dream, work, plan, and grow together, then you will overcome boredom.

A friend of mine, a long time ago, was dating a man she was in love with for four years. Suddenly she decided to end the relationship. I asked her if he did something wrong, if she no longer loved him, if there was someone else, and she responded negatively to all my questions. She simply told me that “nothing was happening”. She got bored because they were not doing anything other than the usual wine and dine, friends, outings, movies, and the likes. Her mother thought they should get engaged to keep busy and reconnect but she was too bored to even consider that.

You are in the beginning of the boredom phase. If you do not do anything about it, you will end up apart. I am not advising you to get engaged, I am advising you to connect on other levels as you do things together.

Think of social work, charity, community service, art, a service website, a magazine, a standup comedy, or any project that you can work on together. You need something to rekindle your need for one another.