Ask Marwa: I am SICK of IT

Dear Marwa,

I have been in a relationship with my husband for a long time before we got married.To be honest,through out our relationship he's always been a bit jealous and we've had our share of normal fights about it.Now that we're married this jealousy is turning more into possession.He has to question all outfit i put on,not to mention putting me into an interrogation whenever i'm out or my phone goes off charge.Things are starting to go off limits,and i know he's doing it unintentionally or even out of love,but i am starting to suffocate and question all those trust issues.I talked to him about it,but he keeps on giving me the excuse of the extreme love he has for me,and that i already know how jealous he is,but bottom line i am sick of it!

Dear Sick-Of-It,

My sincere advice to you and to your husband is to investigate therapy options! When a man, or a woman, is literally sick with jealousy, that person needs professional help.

Jealousy has many reasons and some of these reasons are buried deep within that person’s black box. Some people are jealous because of the following reasons:

Low self-esteem

People who do not see themselves as worthy are very prone to jealousy fits. If that is your husband’s case, he feels that he does not deserve you, that you are too good for him, and that you will eventually figure that out and leave him.

Insecurity

The fear of loss can haunt a person and ruin his chances for happiness. An insecure person, usually also has low self-esteem, is always afraid of being dumped and of losing people in his life. The irony here is that usually the insecurity is the cause of the loss; he actually loses you because of his insecurity not the other way around.

Lack of Trust

In this case, your husband simply does not trust you. The lack of trust could be because of something in your history with him, or even before him. For example, he has caught you lying, has discovered something that you intentionally hid, or has caught you in the act of flirting or cheating before.

Bad Experience

That person has been fooled and cheated upon before. It could be once or more. The number of times does not matter as long as the damage has been done. The once trusting person, can no longer trust anyone, especially his partner.

By questioning your outfits, moves, and calls, he feels alert and in control. He feels that he cannot be fooled again.

A Gaping Wound

This is the worst motive for jealousy. A boy who has seen, or heard, his mother cheating on his father, or a girl who has lived through her father’s affairs and see how they broke her mother’s heart, are incapable of trusting anyone.

Within the hearts and minds of these people, is engraved the body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, excuses, and attitude of the cheater. They see these signs in their partners and in people around them. Over the years, they become adept interrogators and they excellent detectives. Their partners are always guilty until proven otherwise.

Only a therapist will be able to help your husband with his issues; hence, saving your marriage.

If your husband refuses to see a therapist and get professional help, you will suffer further. You will eventually lose your own self-confidence, and you might intentionally neglect yourself to avoid the guilt charges being thrown at you. In some cases, people who are always accused of cheating, end up cheating. In other cases, they get a divorce, only to find themselves becoming obsessed with, and paranoid about, being cheated upon.

If your husband refuses to get help, consider asking for a divorce.