Ask Marwa: Is She Playing Me?

I got into this relationship several months ago. Everything was great and smooth at the start and now things started to deteriorate. My girlfriend started acting strange. She started acting distant and cold at times and when I start to mirror her actions by pulling away myself, she comes back hot. My girlfriend has a lot of guy friends. Two of them in particular that she keeps mentioning a lot. That part never bothered me because I am not a jealous person. Even if I do get jealous I don't act upon my feelings not to look weak.

Her actions with one of her friends started to become more of a relationship than a friendship. I started to get suspicious and my gut started to tell me that something fishy was going on. Instead of accusing her I had to make sure I was not going crazy. I had to make sure. And I knew asking her would just lead to nothing. So, while she was away, I picked up her phone and snooped around. And what do you know? I was right. She was sex talking with her "best friend".

In the past, also she had disrespected me by flirting with one of her male friends on the phone while she was next to me. Flirting by using sexual innuendos and such.

So, after checking her phone. I went and confronted her about it. Of course, she became angry about me snooping around her phone and started to turn the tables by making me the bad person. At that moment, she dumped me pretty bad. So I walked away and wished her a good life.

On the same day, she calls me and starts to apologize and started to ask me to listen to her explanation. And foolish me, I acted upon my emotions and let her talk. She said that that is the way she jokes with that particular friend and that nothing was going on.

What broke my heart the most wasn't only the sexual messages but rather the way she talked to him. She treated him better than me. She sent him pictures of herself and called him lovely nicknames. And his responses were always cold and short.

Yet she still ran after him.

My question is, should I believe her and give her a chance or should I just move on. I know I said I would make this short but I had to add in some details. Please help me. Thank you.




Dear Sincere Lover,

No!

Please do not give her another chance. Please do not give her the power to hurt you further and deeper. She sounds like she is in love with that “friend” and that he never gave her the time of the day. You deserve better.

Do not blame yourself for loving her, for trying to make this work, and for giving her many chances to prove that she was worthy of your love. Your only fault is going too fast with trusting her and with giving her your all.

Lessons Learned: In the future, slow down and trust your gut feeling. If your gut feeling says that the relationship is going too fast, then it is. If you feel something is wrong, then it is. If you feel that it is too good to be true, it is either not good or not true.

Move on, and if she contacted you again, tell her that you deserved better and that you would not like to hear from her again. Do not sound angry or emotional; just state the obvious in a matter-of-fact tone of voice.

If you feel a weakness towards her, remind yourself that she played you and was only trying to get her friend jealous. To her, this was never a relationship, this was a way to tease her friend.

A tip that might make you stronger: Develop your sense of self-worth further.

Ask yourself: Do I deserve a partner like that? Do I deserve to be disrespected? Do I deserve to be unloved? Do I deserve to be used and abused?

You did all the right things but with the wrong person; she was not fair! she was not honest! she was the one who ruined this relationship.

She was only using you to make that other guy jealous, and that guy did not care, and will never care. If you give her another chance, she will abuse you further, hurt you more, and ruin your potential for ever finding a fulfilling relationship.