Ask Marwa: We are Both Blind and From Different Religions

Dear Marwa,
I am a 20 years old blind girl. I was graduated from a private regular school. I was visiting an online gaming for blinds when I was young, I met an Arab guy with almost my same situation - except he is Muslim, and I am Christian. We became close friends for 3 years, then we started a long-distance relationship knowing that it has no future and that both our parents would never accept such relation.

We kept it secret, we were madly in love and honestly, we had phone sex. Everything looked perfect and we don’t know until when.


Lately I felt he is not putting much efforts anymore, like he doesn’t do the small things that shows me he cares anymore. We’ve been together for 2 years now sleeping together every day on phone.

I was feeling ignored by him like he doesn’t react anymore didn’t do anything special for my birthday and if he was too busy to talk to me, he doesn’t really mind not talking for some days.

I am not sure what to do, we both still love each other but it’s the rooteen. Not sure what to do for the future? Should we just give up to avoid our parents? I am really so confused.

We had plans to meet but it failed, but we planned something pretty sure and we will meet soon, we are both so independent so blindness it’s not an issue. Please advise me what to do, I am so confused.

Basically rooteen is getting into us and I am not sure if it’s ok to continue.
S.


Dear S

I salute you and your boyfriend for your spirit, your independence, and your courage to fall in love, and stay in love, all that time.

In your message, you mention “rooteen” several times, and you interpret the aloofness you have been experiencing to this routine. I would like to replace that word with “aimlessness”. I think this is what is killing your relationship.

In a relationship like yours, one that seems to go on forever, eventually, one or both of the partners, would realize that the relationship in going nowhere, and that all the love and effort is leading to nothing. This sense of wastefulness can place a cold towel on the steamiest of relationships.

This leads to the second point; the reason behind this aimlessness.

It does not need a genius to figure out that your interfaith relationship is frowned upon, and that it would take the two of you a huge amount of effort to work a miracle with your families.

Unfortunately, many people would tend to assume that there is no problem; you could get married and you can stay Christian. His religion allows him to get married to a Christian woman. This attitude is unfair and quite superficial.

Thinking like that totally disregards your family, your Church, your friends and community, and your own beliefs.

His family, although they know that Islam would allow this marriage, might also try to dismay him from this union. They would rather go down the regular road of having their son get married to a girl from his own religion, and having in-laws who follow, practice, and believe in the same faith.

Doubt can also drive this sense of aimlessness; doubting the ability of two blind partners to successfully manage a household, have a family, and raise kids. You said that you are both very independent, but I believe that your partner is having a moment of self-doubt. Managing well as a single person is totally different than being married and responsible for other people.

I do not have magical solutions or clear-cut advice. The best thing you could do is to actually talk to your boyfriend about how you feel, about your worries, fears, and the assumptions that I just made.

You two are very strong people and, as a team, you can certainly overcome many obstacles in your way. You have conquered many odds, and you are fully capable of finding a way to stay together. Trusting one another with your doubts and insecurities will strengthen your front and will earn you the happy ending that your love story deserves.