Ask Marwa: Is It a Rebound?

Dear Marwa, 

I was in a relationship with a girl for 8 years but she was from another religion, and that caused us many troubles. I loved her so much but I knew this relationship was doomed, because my parents wouldn't give me their blessings to marry her. Before leaving her, I met another girl, I don't know if it was me searching for an escape, a way out of the other relationship, or if I really liked that new girl, but I broke up with the first girl, and in few weeks I start dating the other one. 

We have been together for over a year now. We got engaged and soon to be married. The problem is I can hush down the voices inside my head that are doubting this decision, am I really in love with her? It all happened very quickly. I always wonder if maybe I needed sometime alone before getting into another relationship. Is it possible that I am really lucky to find love again that quickly and that easily?


Dear Questioning Man,

Many people would be quick to label your current relationship as a rebound but let me offer you a different perspective.

Does a relationship actually end when the guy tells the girl that it is over, or when she tells him that she is leaving?

The answer is no.

Here is the first scenario:

You were in a “doomed” relationship for eight years. You knew that this relationship will end anyway. As a defense mechanism, your mind decided to process this breakup even before the actual breakup happened. You took your time experiencing the passion, harvesting the love, and then, you slowly began rolling downhill with the eventual the anti-climax. In this scenario, the relationship ended a few years before the actual breakup. You just stayed in it out of convenience and until a more plausible choice arises.

If that is what really happened, then you were indeed lucky to meet someone you could embrace that quickly, fall in love with, commit to, get engaged to, and will soon wed and marry.

The second scenario:

You were in a “doomed” relationship for eight years. You knew that this relationship will end anyway. Rather sooner, than the doomed later, you decided to stop “wasting” your time and energy in a relationship that was not going anywhere. You looked around, evaluated your options, decided to choose the most suitable option, and, with some self-discipline, you managed to end the first relationship, commit to the second girl, and using common sense, good reasoning, and sound judgement, you decided to proceed with the marriage.

If that is what really happened, you might have a huge set back after you are married. The grip of your mind will loosen, and you will miss the butterflies in you stomach, and the thrill of being in love. You will ache for your ex-girlfriend, or someone who offers you a relationship with similar intensity.

The third scenario:

You were in a “doomed” relationship for eight years. You knew that this relationship will end anyway. Rather sooner, than the doomed later, you decided to stop “wasting” your time and energy in a relationship that was not going anywhere. With your own hands, you broke your heart. Better than waiting for the inevitable to happen, you decided that you will deal with the pain now. Just as you were about to start your journey of suffering and anguish, you met someone who absorbed the pain of falling from cloud 9. She was a soft pillow; a wide mattress; a cushion that preserved you from the shattering pain you were about to experience.

If this is what really happened, then your current relationship is the text-book rebound. You will eventually, regain your inner balance and stability, and you will no longer need “the cushion”.

Hence, my dear questioning man, only you can tell what really happened. Be warned: the mind plays amazing tricks on us and things are not usually what they seem to appear.