Ask Marwa: Was it love?

Date posted: February 14, 2009

Hello Marwa, 

I am a 24 year old female who works for a reputable company. Two years ago, I fell in love with a colleague. I was attracted to his wonderful character and religious sense in addition to his gentlemanliness. The problem is that during that period, he never stated directly and frankly to me that he loves me, but his eyes were saying it and the birthday party that he prepared for me said it too.

Anyway, I waited and waited, but no step was taken from his side and I got engaged to someone I don't know through an arranged marriage. My fiancee loved me a lot, but I could not love him at all. Actually, I hated everything about him; he was a smoker and I hate smokers and he watches pornography and whenever we were together in the club or in a cafe, he did not miss any chance to look at and comment on any female.

After six months, my fiancee got a job abroad and I only saw him online. After another six months, I received an SMS from the colleague that I was in love with saying "I know it took me too long to say it but I love you so much."

In a minute, everything that I felt or though that I felt for my fiancee vanished. I could only think of my colleague and how long I waited for him to declare his love for me. I took the decision to leave my fiancee and break up the engagement one month before my wedding. My loving colleague was supposed to come back to Egypt at the end of the year in which all of these events happened (2007).

We were talking on the phone everyday in a very respectable manner (nothing beyond I love you and I miss you was said and that is why I loved him so much.) However, two weeks before his flight to Egypt, we stopped communicating, I don't know how it happened, but it happened. Then he called me to tell me that financially speaking we will not be able to be together in spite of the fact that I was ready to live in any level just to be with him and I offered to buy us an apartment here in Egypt. He sent me an SMS to wish me a better future and he left me. I heard nothing about him since then.

I do not know if money was the real problem or there was something else. Was he getting back at me for getting engaged and leaving him? But I did not do so; he was the one who did not do anything or take any step. My questions are: Was I mistaken to leave my fiancee? Did that colleague deserve that sacrifice (if you knew that my fiancee's financial conditions were great)? Was I really in love?

Badly Hurt

Dear Badly Hurt 

Thank you so much for writing to me and for trusting my opinion on that matter. I am so sorry you got hurt but I guess this is just part of being alive and part of being human. Here are the answers to your questions 

1) No you were not mistaken to leave your fiancee; you did not like him, love him, or respect him. You were too different and if you were to marry him you would have been miserable.

God has his way of making things work for our best. I think He intentionally made the colleague contact you to show you that you were making a mistake by marrying this guy. Imagine if you were married already and the colleague showed up … what would have happened then?

Be thankful that divine intervention took care of this. You were mistaken though when you got engaged in the first place ? what were you thinking? How were you going to share a life, a family, a home, and kids with a man you had no feelings for?  

2) I do not know if the colleague deserved the sacrifice or not … but I know that you deserved better than the fiancee.

I am not sure if you are using the word "sacrifice" in its right place though? Your life, happiness, and love were the sacrifice. You were about to give them away for no valid reason. 

3) I guess you were in love with your colleague but your love was not strong enough to make you wait for him to make a move or to tell him before you made your move and got engaged. He must have felt stabbed in the heart.  I want you to believe that there are no mistakes in life – only lessons. You were saved from a disaster if not two. What did you learn?

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