Ask Marwa: My husband does not work

Date posted: October 1, 2009

Hello Marwa,

I am a 24 year old married woman. I have been married since December 08 and I am currently 8 months pregnant. I have a beautiful home and a husband whom I love deeply. He is my age and he is madly in love with me. The problem is that I am very successful and I have a good income from my current job. My husband was on the same salary scale until he had problems at work and had to resign. It has been a year now since he quit his full time job and for the past six months he has been working on commission basis. Most of the time he does not close deals and I urged him to look for another job. He loves what he does and is telling me that it is a matter of time until he gets a grip of the rules of the game. In the meanwhile, I have been supporting us off of my salary, my savings, and my credit cards. I sold a lot of my jewelry to help him finance a car. I took a loan and it seems that I am the only one who has to worry about it. No one knows about this and I cannot tell my family. What do I do?

Dear M

I am so honored with your trust. Ask yourself this question: Do you feel that he is taking your financial support for granted? "meballat fel khat ya3ni" or do you feel that he is really trying to succeed at his job and he is really trying to get back on his feet?

If he is the first type then stop injecting money and tell him that you are out of money and ideas and leave the ball in his court. If he is trying to make it in his new career … give him a chance … six months on a new job is not enough and at the same time help him find alternative jobs but let him know that once the baby is born, the expenses will be doubled and you will stay home for maternity … let him plan how he will cover those expenses … but for now keep supporting him. Show him that you believe in him and that you are on his side then show him ways to make his income bigger.

This is a very tough situation … I guess some women are destined to be men. No one is perfect and no marriage is perfect … use the great things he offers you to help you keep loving him.

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