Ask Marwa: October 2009

Dear Marwa

I am a 29 year old divorced woman who is well educated and good looking. I met a guy online 4 years ago and we fell in love. Then I found out that he is married and that he has a baby. We were together for two years then we broke up. He left me for his wife. Two years later he came back. Now he is divorced but I have been seeing a 50 year old American guy living and working in Egypt. My heart is with the first guy but the second guy is my chance at marriage and stability. My divorced guy is confused and does not want to get married. The American guy wants to propose and I am stalling. A week ago I stole his password and I found out that he is chatting left right and center. He handed out his mobile phone to everyone and told girls that he was single and looking. I faced him and cried and apologized. He begged for a second chance. I do not know what to do.
S

Hello S

I will start with the easy one

The American guy … NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

You do not love him, he is too old, and you will be committing suicide.

As for the first guy, it is obvious that he needs a girlfriend not a wife … a friend with benefits not even a girlfriend … he does not and cannot and will not commit. Bottom line: if you want love, fun, and sex then stay with the first guy but if you want security, stability, and commitment then he is not ready … I do not know when he will be ready … so the ball is in your court

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Hi Marwa,

I am 21 years old, in my 3rd year in college and I am in a relationship with a wonderful guy; he's almost perfect. He is my age but he graduated and is working now. Sometimes I feel that he does not love me the way I love him. At other times I feel that I am his princess. We want to get married but I am afraid of making a mistake. Maybe I deserve someone who is older. My main problem is that I want him to be there all the time. He is too realistic and he thinks a lot. I am a very romantic girl and this is why we have fights. What do you think? Do I have to marry a guy who's older than me with a couple of years or it's not a big problem? Do I have to leave him although I know quite well about 80% that he's not playing with me and that he want me as his wife but it's just a matter of time and circumstances ? Is my feeling of fear that he does not love me a normal thing or it's like a sign that he in fact don't love me? Am I a naive girl to believe him or may be because I am romantic or what? Is it normal to have different point of views or is it wrong? Are we still young?

Princess

Hello Princess

If you want this relationship to work … or any other relationship to work I want you to know the following:

1) There will be times when your man is super attentive and there will be others when he is busy with other things on his mind
2) I also want you to know that people are different … he is not you … you are not him … he is not your friend's boyfriend … he is who he is and he will love you the way he knows how to express his love
3) Age is a number so if you feel that he is responsible and reliable then give it a fair chance

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Hey Marwa!! I hope you are fine. My story is a bit long and complicated, but I'm sure you can still help me find a way out. I am a 19 year old girl who kept searching for romance all her life. Actually my parents are so strict, and this thing pushed me even more to love passion and try my best to encounter the most successful serious relationship. When I was 15 years old, I met a guy in the club who was older than me by almost 5 years. I loved him and I let him know from the beginning that I was not playing and if he wasn't putting marriage in consideration as a future step, then I wouldn't go for the relationship. He said he would propose when I enter university. Everyone around me was saying that he was just wasting time, but I believed him. His standard was lower than mine, but I never cared. He introduced me to his parents and his sister and after about a year he moved to work in sharm. At the same time, I used to live in a gulf country. We used to talk on the phone from time to time, but very decently. After some time he changed and he stopped answering my calls and whenever I asked him, he used to say that he was busy and so on. Later I saw some pictures for him with a Russian girl on facebook, and that was my end with him. Months passed and then I met another guy at a tuition lesson in my last high school year in that gulf country, he was handsome, smart and had a good sense of humor. At first, we were just friends and I never thought of him as a lover, but after I was done with my high school when it was summer start, we both came for vacation in Egypt. He showed me he likes me and I was happy with that relationship start. He was so sweet and caring, and I began to fall for him after I just liked him. Unfortunately, each of us had to study in a different place. He returned to the gulf country for university while I stayed in Egypt for my university. And although we were away from each other, he was everything in my life, he was my life itself. But as my love grew, his problems also grew and he got worse and he became so distant. Then he said it was hard for him to wait 5 years away from each other, only seeing each other few times a year. Since the day we broke up I'm really suffering, I miss him and I still love him even more than before. Whenever we are in the same country he keeps calling me but whenever we are in different countries he ignores me. He is so selfish. I keep praying God to let him return to me. I want him to fullfill his promises. I want him to be the dad of my kids. All I want is him. I want nothing else from that world. Please try to help me find a way to win him back.
Roro

Hey Roro

Life is beautiful and you are wasting your precious teens in unnecessary heartache. Love is great … it helps you grow from within … it helps you
get better acquainted with yourself … it helps you know what you like and
don't like about men … and I would never advise you to avoid it or to not
go through it.

As someone who is almost double your age, I will take the liberty to tell
you that we change … yes … women change … and men change. Our needs,
priorities, dreams, aspirations, and requirements in a partner change. At 15
you think he is the one, and then at 19 you think he is the one, but you will
really never know if he is the one or not if you do not know yourself and
have not explored your full potential.

You will know more about yourself and your true feelings after you graduate
and begin working … this is a side of you that is yet to be explored … love will come your way when you are fully equipped to be a mother and a wife … right now you are still struggling with the girl inside of you. I want you to enjoy every minute of your college days … have fun … go out … meet people … invest in hobbies … enjoy your single years for responsibility is bound to come.

As for your man … he is doing exactly what I just advised you to do … he
knows that the sea is full of fish … he knows that you were just a phase in
his life and it is over … he knows that he will meet other girls at work … he knows that he wants to enjoy his freedom now without any commitments to anyone. He did the right thing for himself because he used his mind … you are still stuck because you are feeding your emotions with illusions of love and marriage.

There is nothing I can tell you to win him back because you did not lose him
because of a mistake you made. You lost him because he outgrew you. Now it
is your turn to outgrow him.