Ask Marwa: The woman and the other woman

Date posted: November 28, 2009


I heard a lot about what you do with relationship problems through a friend, so I would like your help.

I'm not in a relationship. I never have been even though I lived in America for 12 years. I am now 19 years old. My problem is sort of complicated. There is this guy. I saw him on the plane going to Egypt. We didn't talk once but we made eye contact several times throughout the plane ride. I figured that I wouldn't see him again so I didn't make a big deal out of it. On the first day of university I saw him again in the hallways. I couldn't believe myself. By the end of the day I was introduced to him through a friend. I also learned that he was in a relationship with my friend's cousin, so I knew that he was completely out of the question. I have to admit that I was helplessly in love with him even though I shouldn't be. I felt so comfortably around him and I could talk to him as if I had known him all my life. We got closer to each other and things started to get serious. He told me that he loved me and that he wanted me. I asked him about his current girlfriend and he told me that he loved her too. I of course refused because he would be in a relationship with 2 girls at the same time and I couldn't do that to my friend. He tried to convince me so many times that we could do it and no one would have to know. He also went and talked to our friends about being in a relationship with me, secretly. Another thing is that in college everyone thinks that we are a couple.

Some people would think that he is just playing with me but I can honestly see that he loves me and that he cares for me the same way he loves his current girlfriend. When I'm upset about something I have to talk to him and then I feel so much better and I also know so many secrets about him that he doesn't tell anyone – not even his girlfriend. So where does that put me in his life?

This isn't one of the letters that regrets ever talking to a guy like him because I'm not. I don't regret ever meeting him or talking to him or anything because every memory I've had with him is good. Please give me any advice that you have and tell me what you think I am to him. Don't worry I can take the truth, no matter how ugly it gets. Thank you for your time.


Hello A

I will be brutally honest with you

It is very very possible that your guy is in love with the two of you; men and women are capable of that. People who manage to always see the good in others are susceptible to this kind of temptation.

So yes … I believe that he sees the good in you and truly loves you and yes … he sees the good in her and truly loves her

In a way the two of you complement one another and give him the emotional fulfillment that he wants.

As for you

It is totally up to you to decide if you want to share a man … some girls do that too if they are too weak and too vulnerable to walk away.

My only problem with your situation is the secrecy part

If you agree you will become his mistress … his dirty little secret … the affair girl (even if sex is out of the equation)

Your choices:

1) Accept to share him but she has to know
2) Accept to share him in secrecy and suffer in silence
3) Refuse the whole deal and the sea is full of fish

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