Ask Marwa: Guy in the Cave

Date posted: December 22, 2009


I have the best boyfriend in life. We have been together for two years and we are planning to get engaged by the summer. He just got his first job and since that happened he has not been the same. He is always tired, seems distant, does not want to see me, does not want to talk, and just asked for a break. Is he breaking up with me?

Hi Lina,

Taking a break is not a bad idea … there is a difference between a break and a breakup. Your BF is under a lot of pressure and he is not coping well. Men go into their caves when that happens … they withdraw … they seem distant and cold … they want to sit and think away from their loved ones. Men cannot be loving and caring when they are under a huge amount of pressure. (Read John Gray's Men are from Mars Women are from Venus)

I want you to meet him, tell him how much you love him, assure him that you will wait for him, that you understand his need for space, and tell him that you will back off because he asked for it not because you are abandoning him. Tell him that you will be waiting for him whenever he comes out of his cave.
When he is in the cave, you need to get a life … be happy and busy with fun things … the last thing he needs now is the pressure of guilt or worrying about you.

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