Ask Marwa: Single 40 year old male looking for a wife!

Date posted: January 14, 2010

Hi Marwa,

I know that most of your readers are women but I hope you do not ignore my letter just because I am a man! I am a 40 year old man who has never been married. I have been in and out of so many relationships and I am still single. I have a great career, I am financially well-off, I want to have a family, and I am the devoted type. I hear girls complain all the time about not finding the right man … well here I am … single and looking … but they do not seem to see me. What is wrong with this equation?

Hi Hany,
Thank you for your message and thank you for having the courage to admit that you are having trouble finding THE ONE, but let me point out a few things that might help you figure out what is wrong with the equation.

1) Many women do find you attractive as a husband and they approach you but because they are not your type, you ignore them. You might not even notice their advances because you are too quick to dismiss them.
2) You do approach many girls but this time it is you that do not fit their criteria.
3) There is a huge gap between how you see yourself, how others see you, and how you want others to see you. This is why you attract the wrong women and why you get attracted to girls who would not give you the time of the day.

Let's start with an honest look in the mirror; what do you see that they do not see? What do they see that you do not see? What do you want them to see? How do you carry yourself? Is it looks? Do they reject you because you have neglected your body? Is it attitude? Do you come across as too desperate? Is it mentality? Are you too traditional or conservative for them? Is it a generation gap? Do you approach young girls who feel you more as a father figure than a husband? Is it your soul? Did you age from within?

I have no answers for you. You have to ask yourself these questions and find the answers. I would also urge you to ask every single girl who broke up with you about the reasons. Tell her that you do not want to get back together but you need an honest reason to have your closure. As for those you left, try to find the pattern: what is common between them that attracted you to them and what is common in how and why you broke up with them? This way you will learn from your mistakes. It will take time … but at least you are working in the right direction.

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