Ask Marwa: Monster-in-Law

Dear Marwa,
I am writing to you about my "monster in law". Don't get me wrong! I am neither referring to not my mother in law nor to my sister in law, or to any of my in laws for that matter. My boyfriend's best friend is worst than any living monster ever. He is possessive, jealous, clingy, deviant, and is constantly in the way between me and my boyfriend.

In the beginning he fought me over the "best friend copyrights", then he managed to get invited to all of our outings, and he had no problem showing up unexpectedly in the most awkward moments, and now he is just like a dagger constantly pointed at the heart of the relationship. He manages to find an ulterior motive or a hidden innuendo in every word I utter. He is so gifted when it comes to finding interesting diversions and distractions to keep my boyfriend from missing me or thinking of me. He plants evil bugs and terminator viruses in my boyfriend's head! I get busy at work, then I am playing hard to get; I apologize for an outing, then I have something better to do; I am preoccupied with a thought, then I am definitely thinking of someone else.

I talked many times to my boyfriend pointing at the inexcusable attitude of his best friend, but all I get back is one excuse after the other; today he broke up with his girlfriend, a week ago his date stood him up; a year ago his dog died … and the list is endless.

How do I stop my monster in law?

Kika
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Dear Kika,

I am not sure if I am upset more with your boyfriend or with his best friend. Your boyfriend should be the one calling the shots here. He needs to have a man to man talk with his best friend, explain your importance in his life, how he needs you, and how he expects his best buddy to back him up and to wish him luck in his relationship with you.

Since your boyfriend is not doing anything about it, then it is time you took things into your own hands. Fight girl! Fight for what is yours! But wait … be smart … lock your temper in the fridge and lose the way to the kitchen! Use your brains and the world renowned feminine schemes to place that monster in the cage that suits him best.

If we use marketing terms, your competitive advantage would be having access to your boyfriend's heart, soul, and mind. He had a best friend but he was missing something that he only found with you; love! So use that in your favor. You have two parallel paths to walk. First, never let the loving caring supportive you out of your boyfriend's sight. Second, avoid direct confrontations with the monster of a friend or your boyfriend will get defensive about him and your losses will be countless. So, here is the plan: set the monster on endless dates, get him a night job, get him an overseas contract, pay a girl to go out with him for a month, get him a complimentary membership with a personal trainer in the busiest gym in Cairo, or just anything to keep him away. Just remember, you are more intelligent, more patient, more devious, and more important that your monster in law.