This is the first time I tell the whole story to anyone, usually I say part and hide others.
I am 30 yrs old, I love him since we were kids, we grew up and he started his love stories, he moved from one to one till he met who became his wife now, she was his neighbour, they developed feelings quickly, he was 20 and she was 18, me was the close friend who was always there for him, to be honest he was always there for me too, the girl felt what I feel for him and started to eject me from their life, seems that I wasn’t good hiding my love for him so suddenly he told me that he loves me and I am his everything wel kalam da, to cut the story short we stayed together till he suddenly engaged the girl. Normally we quit talking for like 8 yrs, till I knew he has problems and I was still in love with him and couldn’t get over him all this period, I contacted him and things happened so fast. Now we are together for 2 yrs, he is married with 2 kids, I am single and we have a complete affair. I love him like crazy but I don’t know if you will understand this, I feel him as my baby, I don’t feel jealous of his wife, I want him to be happy, and I want her to please him and make him happy, I love his kids so I don’t even wish he divorce cause I don’t want to harm the kids. I feel them as my grandkids!
I know I won’t be able to love or get married to someone else, I know that, and he knows that too and here is the problem, he cares no more, he feels secured, and I hate that he is taking me for granted that much. I have needs and I have dreams and I can not fulfil any of them because I love him, while he lives his life till the max and I am angry of this.
I don’t know what I want, I wish I didn’t contact him 2 yrs ago, but I did and I can not backspace those 2 yrs.
I even don’t know why I am sending u, I wanted to talk. I can’t tell the whole story to anyone. I am a very polite and kinda religious girl (believe it or not) and my friends are the same, how can I tell any of them that I do sleep with a guy without marriage, even love is my reason!
I don’t know what to do, I feel schizophrenic, living 2 lives with 2 minds and 2 hearts.
I am tired, and I wanna vanish.