Be warned!! This is a very disgusting and sickening post … if you are not feeling so well, do not read!!!
I pulled the cover over my head yesterday as I tried to hush the voices in my head. I closed my eyes hoping that I would soon drift into peaceful sleep. I began counting the sheep but instead of the white furry creatures I used to see in the green fields, I saw cars. I saw lead vehicles of all shapes and colors crowded on a bridge and I could not count … they were so many … they were so random … they were so ugly … their poisonous fumes crept under my cover and their honking attacked my peace of mind … I felt my stomach turning … I saw his face (coming in another post) and I remembered how he sat there so self conceited … I remembered his bitten untrimmed yellow nails, the grayish wax in his ears, and the scent of his sweat filling the air as he told me that I lacked femininity.
In a split second I was out of the bed, running to the bathroom, with my hand on my mouth trying to stop the flow of what I tried so hard to push down. I have never vomited that much … I never knew that vomiting could hurt that bad … It was allover the place …. It was coming from every hole in my face … I could not breathe … I felt the motion of the car …. I vomited more … I heard his hiss of a voice … I vomited more … I remembered some work emails … I vomited more … I remembered my mom and her anger … I vomited more … I remembered my dad and my anger at him … I vomited more …. I was about to faint.
Then it stopped …
I thought of my new home .. I tried to smile … the vomiting started again … I thought of the painter, the carpenter, the plumber, and the mess they left behind … I looked at the mess I created … I vomited more …. My cats were at the door looking at what they have never seen me do before … I tried to cry … the vomiting started again … I could no longer stand … I could no longer sit …. I threw myself in the tub … let the water flow … remembered the cockroach (previous post) and finally smiled.
