ARE YOU IN A TROUBLED RELATIONSHIP? By Dina Sewihy
Today I thought up a plan for those in relationships to go by and I can't quite figure out why it hadn't been published anywhere already. I think a lot about the relationships that my girlfriends and guy friends are in, the relationship I am in, and also relationships I have come across in general in the past and I just feel like this "rule" I have or whatever u would like to call it is necessary to live by in allllllll relationships. Ok here is goes and listen closely people:
I think the problem that many women (and also some men) have in their relationships is that they lose control of prioritizing what is expected in a relationship and bonus sweet gestures. I speak to women more because men seem to be one step ahead of us (watch out ladies). I feel that I am more likely to see women suffer in their relationships because they can't figure out when a man is just not up to their standards. What they don’t know is failure to analyze this can set them up for failure OR cause them to settle for less than a man (a boy).
Let me put it this way. When you record, or if you record your monthly finances- you have to put a line between what your necessities expenses are and what your luxury expenses are. Gas is a necessity and your morning coffee from Starbucks is a luxury. This same concept comes into play when dealing with your relationship. Bear with me!
A relationship has the same trend. Specific things in a relationship with your significant others are a "necessity" and other things are a “luxury".
Your man/ woman cheering you up after a stressful day on the job is a necessity; while your man woman sends you roses on a random day is a luxury.
Think about it. If you consider being cheered up by your significant other a luxury, than you have set the standard for yourself that them being there for you emotionally is not something required for your fulfillment.
It seems easy right? But as logical as we’d like to perceive ourselves, we tend to not see these things-maybe out of blindness caused love or I don’t know what.
Know YOUR difference between what you require in a relationship and what is just the "whip cream on the latte". Ok! Let me give u an example: A girl once told me that her boyfriend emotionally abuses her and she is thinking about breaking it off after having the biggest argument yet the night before. Days later, he took her out to dinner and apologized. She was extremely happy that he took her out on a date and was being super sweet. Assuming that this story was exactly what happened- I think hey, at least he apologized-that’s the first step. But does anybody else still see anything wrong with this picture?
What about this-a woman comes and tells me that she’s so proud to have a certain man as her boyfriend after he came to help her when her car broke down in the middle of the highway. Logically, this is no less than expected of someone who truly cares about you and is a part of your love life. Now I am not saying to expect it and not be thankful, I'm not saying that at all. But I think we base our relationships on a lot on things like that- and it’s truly misleading to your own self when you base how awesome your boyfriend is to something like helping you out when your car is broken down or taking you out to dinner.
For God’s sake! He’s supposed to help you when you are in need! He’s your boyfriend. That’s why you both have this relationship with each other; to fulfill each other; to be there and lean on one another. An apology and buying you dinner after being “emotionally abused” should not make you suddenly warm and fuzzy inside. Look at actions and decide what a necessity is and what a luxury is. In my eyes, dinner is a luxury and having a serious dialogue of the “emotional abuse” is a necessity.
Trust me when I say this-
It is a red flag if the most important elements of a healthy relationship become inessential (i.e. a luxury) to you.
People! DO NOT GET CONFUSED BETWEEN WHAT IS REQUIRED IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP AND WHAT ARE KIND GESTURES.
Practice it in an argument you have if you have to. Ask yourself what is the necessities and luxuries of the relationship to you. And you’ll be amazed to find that some of your priorities will change. Just think about it
-ds
Note from the author:
