This article was published in Identity Magazine – July 2012
Dear Om-Adam,
My problem is that I am engaged to a girl that I love and she loves me as well for almost two years now and we are going to be a married couple in a matter of two months. Of course we had fights like any couple in the world – big ones, small ones. We shout, cry, scream, and then we return lovers like before.
That's not the problem! The problem is that in one of our fights we took a break from one another and every time we took a break, I used to talk to this colleague at work. She is a good girl and she considers me one of her best friends. We both talked about our ups and downs in our relationships and I noticed that in all the stories she told me, the guys fell in love with her and she "friend-zoned" them.
Time passed and I realized that I like this girl! I want her so bad – in a good way – but my pride would not allow me to ask her out or express my feelings towards her for two reasons
1- I'm engaged and I love my fiancé
2- I will not be "friend-zoned" no matter what
So here I am now having strong feelings towards this girl and all I want from her is a kiss. I just want to kiss her. I am not a horny dog and I am not looking at her in a sexy way. She told me how empty her life is and how bad she needs to be with someone … I want to kiss her and I am sure if I do I will feel much better. Tell me what do you think and what should I do?
Peace and God bless 🙂
Dear Man!
I will state the obvious: You are a Man! You are a human being! This is the core of my reply to you!
Human nature is designed in a very simple way that it confuses the facts away from our heads! Human beings love challenges. Human beings are competitive creatures. Human beings are "animals" in disguise – in a good way!
I have no doubt that you love your fiancé; she is the one you want to get married to and to share a home with. Let's agree that your attraction to that girl at work has nothing to do with your fiancé. Your fiancé is not neglecting you in any way or form!
You are attracted to that girl because you are a hunter and she is a juicy prey. Most hunters drool over a prey that runs and maneuvers as opposed to a sitting duck that represents an easy catch.
When that girl was telling you he stories about all those broken-hearted men, the competitive beast within you awoke from its sleep; you want to be the "best man" by conquering that heartbreaker!
Why do you want a kiss? Because you want to win her heart! A woman kisses a man she loves and you want that kiss as a trophy from your hunting expedition. To get her to kiss you, you will have to get close to her emotionally and mentally until she is ready to succumb.
Having explained to you how your mind works and why you feel the way you do, let me tell you that your quest is not of an honorable nature; you are a man – not a male – who is committed to a woman and you should respect that commitment the way you expect her to respect her commitment to you. There will always be temptations on the way and some would be harder to resist than others.
Who do you want to see when you look into the mirror? A gentleman who is worthy of love and trust? Or a hunter who has a lot of trophies and a big box of lies?
Many people would not consider your "kiss" cheating but this is a question that you need to settle with the real man within you.
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