Ask Marwa: Do I have to get married?

This article was published in Identity Magazine – August 2013

Dear Marwa,

I’m an independent person and always have been. I never felt the obsessive need to fall in love or have a relationship. I date and I put myself out there but I just can’t seem to take it further; partly because of incompatibility and the other part is that I enjoy being single. I’m still young and feel that I should experience everything out there before committing to a steady relationship. I never dated anyone who made me feel that I would handle the “price tag” of being in a relationship. Am I being realistic about it or just too picky? Am I heading towards a path of absolute independence or harsh loneliness?

A

Dear A

Relationships are overrated! Love is overrated! All those romantic novels and movies filled our heads with ideas that do not necessarily belong there. Some people have an innate need for being with someone, belonging to that someone, and starting a family with that same someone. Others have an innate need for trying the different tastes of love that life has to offer; they enjoy human beings the way you would enjoy a box of assorted chocolates. Then there are those other people who do not need to get married or to have kids; in fact, if they do they make horrible partners and parents. Those people might just enjoy dating or might have a true passion for the other things bachelorhood would offer.

If you do not feel that you need to be in a relationship or if you do not think a relationship is worth its "price tag", then why do you torture yourself with dating disappointments? If you do not need it do not seek it! Maybe at this stage in your life you are destined to do other things that have nothing to do with the heart! Maybe there are windows of opportunities all around you to explore and experience the richness of life! Maybe if you were born in another society – a society that has no problem with people staying single until they die – you would not feel pressured to date and to put yourself out there against your inner voice.

Dear A, what is your passion? I want you to find the answer and then pursue that passion until you are done and when you are done, discover another passion and explore it to the fullest! Please don't introduce yourself to misery and a sense of faultiness when there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Do not waste the precious energy of life on trying to fit in and do what other girls are doing. There is a delicious feeling of completeness that only the ones who are true to themselves get the opportunity to experience.  Those who are busy trying to comply lose their souls in the process.

The harshest kind of loneliness is when a person loses their inner compass and end up orbiting in someone else's sphere. You are truly alone when you are a wife and a mother and your heart longs to be in another world doing something totally different. My advice to you is: stay true to yourself!