This article was published in Identity Magazine August 2016
I am nearly 25 and all I seek in terms of relationships are summer flings. I like them, I like the anticipation of getting to know someone and then the agony of letting go at the end.
Every year I have a long talk with myself, I convince myself that is not a fruitful kind of relationship and I start my summer trying to be more committed. But at the end before I start one I can’t get myself to do it.
What’s Wrong with me.
Dear Addicted to Summer Flings
There is nothing wrong with you! Some people are naturally more committed than others. Do you remember that friend of yours who wanted to have a family since high school? Do you remember your other friend whose relationship goal was getting engaged before finishing college or getting married right after? Do you remember the guys and girls whose ultimate objective was to settle down?
These people need a steady stable relationship to thrive in other aspects in their lives and without that one special person, they live a never-ending drama.
Then there are people like you – many people like you – who enjoy the different tastes of what life has to offer in terms of love and life in general. You are eager to explore, experience, and embrace love, pleasure, and happiness, just as much as pain, sadness, and loneliness. You might give the impression that you are flighty, unreliable, and flaky but in reality you are just not ready to commit and you are clear about it!
You are fully aware of your duties and responsibilities as a committed partner in a relationship and you are mature enough to know and accept the fact that you are not “there yet”. One day, after a year or a decade, the need to settle down will kick in and at the time, you will be emotionally and mentally ripe to welcome a long relationship, marriage, and, maybe, parenting. Being conscious and responsible will spare you unnecessary drama.
Some people are never ready! This is another fact! Some people reach their forties and end their fifties, yet they still feel unready! You might find yourself in the end with this group of people. Some of them were married for a short period and got divorced, others were never married, some have a child, others are childless, and they are all still considered normal human beings – they are just a different shade of normal.
My advice to you is: don’t try to force yourself into a fake sense of readiness for stability and do not pretend to be someone that you are not. Until you are ready, be honest with yourself and your partner from the beginning about your feelings, expectations, and needs. The last think you need is bad karma or negative energy hovering over your future. For the time being, enjoy the summer, the heat and the breeze, and equally enjoy the flings with all their intensity.