The same mistakes! The same shit!

Date posted: May 6, 2010


 

 

Hi Marwa

I greatly respect your opinion and advise, and I could really use them now.

See my problem started when I feel in love with this guy, bossi ya Marwa I think I've been lying to myself bs I don't wanna lie this time 3ashan ana bgd te3bt w nefsy a3raf ana 3amalt eh 3'alat.
We used to work together and he was giving me all these signals that definitely meant something, so I started to have feelings too, el mohem we told each other but the thing is enno after we did he started panicking, he sort of freaked out from the commitment, fa bsara7a ana 2adart en guys could be like this, ya3ni they sort of carry more responsibility so they tend to panic shwaya mn el relationships…so I said to myself ana hab2a el glue, I'll keep it together.
Msh 3ayza a2olek w yemken heya di 3'altety enn i didnt burden him with any of my responsibilities, w 2oltelo kda actually 2olt ana msh 3ayza ay 7aga for now its enough we're together n he was fine with it.

Tab3an following this is a long period of being together n breaking up n getting back together bs the whole time ya Marwa my main concern was him, i made sure he always had a job, he always has money, he always has anything he wished for and I mean anything (and I think you get my drift) fa el ta5ayalt en by doing this am the perfect catch ba2a! ana msh m5aleyah 3ayz 7aga zay ma by2olo….

And I know you might think like you said to another reader that am bribing him with these stuff, walahi it isn't like that it's just i didnt think of us as 2, wat was mine was his bs now when i think about it ba2a its not vice versa, ya3ni when things were going fine with him financially ya3ni I wasn't the 1st on his mind.

El mohem I dont wanna be long, bs now he's thinking about traveling to work abroad w he was telling me, en he thought about it, n I know he was for a long time n we talked about it alot, bs it wasn't doable awi, now it could be done ya3ni howa zabbat 7agat mo3ayana, el mohem he didn't mention me in his plan tamaman! Not once.

The whole time since I knew him, and I was thinking for me and him, and a lot of times I put him 1st, n now when it comes to something crucial like traveling abroad n leaving me behind alone, after everything I did, to carry the responsibility of his and my actions alone (bardo I think u'll know what i mean).

Ya3ni howa ana 3'elet that I was trying to make him happy? ya3ni i was wrong to love him more than myself, to the extent that I wanted to give him everything he wanted?

Plz ya Marwa tell me what I did wrong, n don't spare me anything..I know you'll tell me the ugly truth, I think I need this reality check!

I thank you very much w sorry tawelt :$

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I cried!!!

You made me cry!

You made me feel that I am useless and that everything that I wrote or shared over the past 5 years is nothing and will have no impact whatsoever!

The same mistakes!
The same shit!
The same feelings!
The same regrets!

Nothing changed …. nothing changes … nothing will change!

It's a curse!!!

I am so so so angry at you now … I am angry enough to be rude and you have to put up with it!!!

And guess what?

I DO NOT BLAME THE GUY! NOT A TINY TINY BIT!

Please read my damn book … it is for free on my stupid website!!!
If you do not like to read then listen to it … the audio version is also for free on the good-for-nothing website!!

Listen to the radio nonsense talk that I waste my breath on!
Read the stupid articles that mean absolutely nothing!!!!
Watch the shows that I waste my time going to!!!

Everything is for free and accessible on the damn site!!!

Why did you come to me now?
What can I do to help you?
What can I possibly say to make you feel better?
What can I do to erase all your sins against yourself?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok .. let me tell you the rest of your story … just in case you do not know how it goes from here

You will cry, beg, plead, and fall apart a million times hoping that he would have mercy on you and marry you!
He will not!

Or may be he will … and for the rest of your life you will be his slave … he will never love you the way a woman should be loved! You will always be "the glue" as you described it! You will be a miserable wife and will have miserable kids!

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